Things you call your neighbours

[WhackingPhoenix]

Met our new neighbours properly for the first time today and they told us they’ve called us ‘Mr and Mrs Metalhead’ for weeks because they didn’t know our names we were actually listening to ABBA today whilst gardening which confused/amused them! Perhaps we’re now Mr and Mrs ABBA instead.

It made me think of all the names I’ve given neighbours in the past: we’ve had ‘Angela with the hair’ (her name turned out to be Carole), ‘Big Dog Man’, ‘Small Dog Lady’, ‘Purple Lady’, ‘Shouty Man’ and simply ‘Keith’ (who may not have been called Keith at all)

What do you call your nameless neighbours?

The nodding guy (never speaks, but nods hello to everyone)
Dry cleaning bag lady (she wears one over her clothes)
T shirt Lady(she went outside wearing just a t shirt)
Her with the cats (she walks them on leashes)
The shitty driver lady (nearly hit me twice pulling out of her parking space)

Dodgy D
Cunty McCuntface because he's a cunt.

We have Strangeways, they don't speak to anyone and The Ferals, their kids are often in the garden until late screaming and arguing

We have:
Harry Handrail (don't know is name)
Johnny look up at the moon
Joe the Blow
The Golightlys (they are LOUD)

Drunk Guy Who Talks To Himself In The Wee Hours.
Mr & Mrs Party People Who Like Johnny Cash.
Reclusive Aryan Architecty Type.
Mr A-hole Who Dumps Snow Into The Alley And Blocks The Parking Spots.

My NDN was called (by my husband) 'fella', 'bruv', 'mate' for about 4 years.

Until, one day, i was hanging out the washing in the garden, and heard her call her husband by his name.

I wonder if they noticed!

We have drummer guy, bald guy, twattish parking woman, her opposite, Jack's mum, stuck up cow, druggie Bob and Paul next door (can't just call him Paul for some reason 😂) never a dull moment round our parts 🙄🙄😂😂

We have;
Dumb and Dumber
Chopper Dave
Trump Towers ( big fancy over the top blingy house)
Me and Mrs MAMIL

I need to hear more about Tennis Tony!

Today? After her pulling yet another batshit stunt another neighbour and I have just started calling her The Cunt.

I know nearly all of my neighbour's names but I'm not sure of one neighbour's name. They have a dog whose name I know so they are referred to as Barney's owners. Another one whose name I also know is referred to as the cunt but if speaking to a neighbour about him I say "that spiteful pig at the end".

@Ameanstreakamilewide tennis tony! 😂 I also need to know more!

We have ‘old juggling man’ he randomly juggles in his front garden - we fucking love it!

Noisy shagger neighbours - Self explanatory

Air bnbers - Illegally Air bnbing their council flat

The crackheads - Again, Self explanatory

The Beast from Bodmin - Absolutely lovely elderly neighbour next door. Her late dh gave her that name!

The only ones I can think of off hand are:

The Gruesome Twosome
The Twat with the Pressure Washer

I used to have an allotment neighbour I referred to as Flatworm Dave as he was obsessed with flatworms and never tired of discussing the subject.

Them next door/over the road/up a bit
Mr. Million Cars

The idiot Gardener. Goes out to mow her lawn with eye protectors and ear defenders and while I commend her approach to safety it is all rather negated by her wearing flip flops.

Howard Marks Scary Mary, mad Gill, the clampits

Gin, as in Gin and tonic.

This started following a late night incident involving a drunk driver hitting neighbours cars in the middle of the night.

Police were called and several neighbours were out in the street. I looked out of the window to see neighbour offering out cans while carrying a gin glass. The sight of it really made us laugh at the time and we have referred to him as Gin ever since.

As a child, parents called a neighbour 'The Bankrobber' because no one knew what he did for a living. This is back in the 80s where everyone worked 9-5 but he didn't

We have ‘boobies’ as not long after moving in, she stood in her bedroom window naked, obviously thought in the three story house no one could see but straight in our eye line from our sofa!

Lesbicans for the two ladies (probably get shot for this one)

Crazy cat lady - lives alone with lots of cats

dickhead van man - after a falling out over parking

I know most of my immediate neighbours names but for a while my next door neighbours adult daughter and her son came to live with them. I’m sure we were introduced but I forgot her name then left it too long to to ask again 😂Our kids were similar ages so they played together a lot and I spoke to her almost daily during the summer hols 😳 I was hoping a Christmas card from them would clear it up and was holding out on writing ours until they sent one but they wrote “from all at number 46” so she was just *son’s names mum.

We went to a dinner party once and met a couple there we didn't know...the wife said "OMG you are walking man!" to my husband.

We were baffled until she explained that she used to see him walking with a pram every night. (My youngest had severe colic/reflux as a baby and DH would get home from work, put some earphones in and walk the baby around the local area in the pram until DS fell asleep, and he did this every night for about 3 months, hence the moniker 🤣)

Mick Jagger (Micky Jay for short) and Lady Marion...

Pervert
Bin monster
Hillbillies
Twat in a hat