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Things you call your neighbours

207 replies

WhackingPhoenix · 16/07/2022 17:55

Met our new neighbours properly for the first time today and they told us they’ve called us ‘Mr and Mrs Metalhead’ for weeks because they didn’t know our names Blush we were actually listening to ABBA today whilst gardening which confused/amused them! Perhaps we’re now Mr and Mrs ABBA instead.

It made me think of all the names I’ve given neighbours in the past: we’ve had ‘Angela with the hair’ (her name turned out to be Carole), ‘Big Dog Man’, ‘Small Dog Lady’, ‘Purple Lady’, ‘Shouty Man’ and simply ‘Keith’ (who may not have been called Keith at all)

What do you call your nameless neighbours? Grin

OP posts:
robinsinthespring · 16/07/2022 20:57

Mr Dink. He had lots of different tools and gadgets. He was also annoying and always seemed to appear when we came home.
Later shortened to just Dink

freesoul12 · 16/07/2022 21:09

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 16/07/2022 18:07

The wanker next door

😂

flatpack1 · 16/07/2022 21:11

Leaded lights
The fluffys
Geordie
The catholics
Them with all the children
String Bean

freesoul12 · 16/07/2022 21:11

TheVanguardSix · 16/07/2022 18:19

We just call them by their names, apart from our neighbours two doors down. We call him Taj Mahal Guy because he’s currently Dubai-ing the fuck out of his house. Gargantuan renovation! There’s our row of modest terraces… and then there’s his weird and wonky (and huge) ‘palace’… and then, back to terraces. We call his wife The Supermodel. She doesn’t simply walk. She catwalks.

i really feel like seeing his house,

Somanysocks · 16/07/2022 21:14

One side is 'the miserable woman next door,' the other side is 'fag ash Lil' (also gets called 'queen bee' when she likes to tell people how long she's lived in the road so she can do what she wants.

Cervinia · 16/07/2022 21:15

I know all my neighbours’ names but when I bought my first house they all had names. Mr grumpy man, miserable Mick, old man Riley, hop along, boring bastard.

i wonder what they called us 🤔

babysteps22 · 16/07/2022 21:16

Daily Mail Jim 😬

alpenguin · 16/07/2022 21:18

My next door neighbour gets called bawjaws by a few of our other neighbours after he allegedly reported the OGs across the road during covid for having visitors.

everyone else is on first name terms.

we probably get called all manners of rude names for lowering the tone of the neighbourhood

Mumof3pluscat · 16/07/2022 21:22

Grumpy man
grumpy man’s wife
beegee
beegees wife
mini man
the rented people
the new people
rod Stewart

YouBoggleMyMind · 16/07/2022 21:23

Fatty
DHD - Dick Head Doug
Nige

HauntingScream · 16/07/2022 21:26

We've got Mr and Mrs 7

The Fugitives. They hid when the police were knocking on their door and we knew they were in. The police knocked on ours to ask us if we knew of their whereabouts.

The Witch Next Door. She's such a horrible woman and I saw a voodoo doll hanging on her washing line once.

wendywoopywoo222 · 16/07/2022 21:27

We have the lovely's one side and the skanks the other side. Mrs mad dog over the road.

elevatorboots · 16/07/2022 21:42

Oh god we’ve had loads.

The Stalker
Tutenkhamon
The Piss Head
Linda
The Old Man

Squiff70 · 16/07/2022 21:52

I know most of my neighbour's names. I've lived here for over ten years and the one that baffles me is the lady who lives opposite. She must be in her mid to late 70s now. Even after all these years I have NO idea what her name is.

She took in a parcel for me not long after I moved here and the courier had put a card through my door to tell me they'd left it with her. I went round during the afternoon and knocked politely on the door. Nothing. I knocked again a tiny bit louder and she came staggering round the side of the house with the parcel and as I was thanking her for taking it in for me, she literally just handed it over as fast as possible and disappeared before I'd even finished the sentence.

Her behaviour is very unusual. She goes shopping every single weekday morning at exactly the same time and every day, she comes home with bags and bags and bags of shopping. She lives alone with her cat so she gets cat food and litter as well as all these bags. We have no idea what she is buying - and of course its absolutely none of our business - but she buys an insane amount of stuff and we don't know where she puts it all. We even joke (just my partner and I) she has people hiding in a basement and is feeding them.

Years ago I spent 4 months in hospital. The day I came home she came out to greet me and asked how I was. I suspected she was just being friendly and making conversation but just in case she was fishing for info, I deliberately didn't give her any. She was carrying her cat in her arms and I asked his name. She told me two random letters, and I asked what they stood for but nope, they don't stand for anything. They are literally just two random letters, like XF (giving the cat's real name could out me or her!).

Every Saturday evening she dresses up and goes out. She leaves the house alone so I guess she is going to a local social event like dancing or bingo. She returns home alone a few hours later.

Her dress sense is utterly bizarre. She likes wearing the most odd combinations. I am not the fashion police and know she can and should wear whatever she likes. Her favourite outfit seems to be a football shirt with shiny faux leather trousers. She is often seen on cooler days wearing several layers of what many would consider 'mismatching' clothing but styles it out with a fluffy teddy bear hat which ties under her chin, complete with bear ears.

She takes her cat for walks on a lead. Not that unusual but it adds to her character!

I affectionately call her Crazy Cat Lady. Never to her or any of the other neighbours - just to my partner and my parents in our own home. If I sound like I'm bitching about her, you'd be wrong. I'm actually secretly fond of her and she makes me smile because she seems to be living this life that nobody knows about but her. Her uniqueness and authenticity is something a small part of me envies.

IsThePopeCatholic · 16/07/2022 21:54

Tim nice but dim
gobby Denise
the Joes

Inklingpot · 16/07/2022 21:59

Cheeky Cow
Birdkiller
Cunts
Can’t Park
Theme Tune

TheCrowening · 16/07/2022 21:59

The shop people (shopkeepers, I do now know their names)
German lady and Kevin the teenager
Dog people
Drunk shouty man
Flagpole house
Annoying parcel woman

I expect they call me worse things 😂

YetAnotherWalk · 16/07/2022 22:00

Great thread! We know quite a few by name, but other refer to others by their car e.g. Mr Lexus. The immediate neighbours are known by many derogatory names due to their love of random DIY if they're annoying or their real names if not Blush

wherearetheturrets · 16/07/2022 22:01

I call all of my neighbours by their names, except for the guy in the flat below me who is known in our household as 'dickhead downstairs'

LouLou198 · 16/07/2022 22:02

Ha!! Glad it's not just me who does this!!
Mr Tits pervert
Posh pyjama man
Mrs "fuck off Tony!!!"

StarlingsInTheRoof · 16/07/2022 22:09

Trunchball

Pshpshpsh don't you poo in my garden! That has been entirely towards cats so far.

tonystarksrighthand · 16/07/2022 22:32

Junkie John
Hot Dave
The hooker across the road
Seafood Sally

HumptyDumpty2022 · 16/07/2022 22:38

I’ve got Bell end over the road.

In previous lives I’ve named neighbours ‘Coat’ , ‘Hair’ and ‘Mrs Cunningham’ she wasn’t called Mrs Cunningham but I had a teacher named that who was a total fuck!

Munichfam5 · 16/07/2022 22:39

Peter Perfect aka Cuntawalla

SouperNoodle · 16/07/2022 22:41

'FF' is the only thing we've nicknamed a neighbour and what it stands for is not very polite 😅 he used to be a total F*cker but has mellowed in recent years. His wife is absolutely lovely.
I've been tempted on many occasions to say "blink twice if you need help" to her.

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