Things you call your neighbours

[WhackingPhoenix]

Met our new neighbours properly for the first time today and they told us they’ve called us ‘Mr and Mrs Metalhead’ for weeks because they didn’t know our names we were actually listening to ABBA today whilst gardening which confused/amused them! Perhaps we’re now Mr and Mrs ABBA instead.

It made me think of all the names I’ve given neighbours in the past: we’ve had ‘Angela with the hair’ (her name turned out to be Carole), ‘Big Dog Man’, ‘Small Dog Lady’, ‘Purple Lady’, ‘Shouty Man’ and simply ‘Keith’ (who may not have been called Keith at all)

What do you call your nameless neighbours?

Also "Druggie Dougie" and his friends "Doug's Thugs"

The people at the back of our house (mum, dad and 2 sons in their early 20's) we call The Exhibitionists. Their bathroom window only seems to have light frosting, they have no blind or curtain on it, their shower is along the window and they ALWAYS have that bathroom light on! Practically nothing is left to the imagination. Oh and the dad we call Mr Arrogant because he certainly fancies himself

Our next neighbour was have several names for (none of them complimentary). They are: Selfish Bitch, Mrs Moron, Mrs Cheeky. We dislike her because her poor dog is always in the garden no matter how hot or cold it is unless she it out and then he is indoors. So basically always on his own. The Cheeky is her pathetic posts on facebook when she posts she "is going for a cheeky curry", "is having a cheeky barbeque" etc. She is 50 not 15!

I know most of our neighbours names now, but we have floppy hair dude, floppy hair clone (they look exactly the same!), new kitchen, and The Cleanest car on the street (shortened to cc’s!).

I know that we are known as the commune as we have two men, two women, my daughter 4 dogs and various other people in and out all the time. We’re not actually a commune though 🙂

I have just met mrs nosey Parker of the sex cam pair. Suspect she thinks I’m a right weirdo, and has probably labelled me mad cat woman, as I was carrying 5 cat baskets and looked very very dishevelled, having spent two hours catching cats, and driving up the motorway for an hour, whilst being serenaded by said cats the entire time.

We have only named the bad ones, so Cuntface (malignant tosser- happily moved on recently), Mr arsehole (accused us with no reason of puttjng rubbish in his garden, mad), the fucking lady (she is quite noisy), creepy Dan (gets a bit too close).

The ones we like all have proper names!

Dammit.

We know all our neighbours.

The most exciting one I can think of is Mechanic John, and that's only because we can't agree on whether his surname is McAffrey or McAfree.

None round here, but as a child we had:

The Walking Backwards Man - he would walk with such a strange gait/straight back that he genuinely looked as though he was walking backwards.

Wiggy - he wore a very large Elvis style wig and tried to convince everyone it was his own hair.

John the Ungas Man - used to work for British Gas then didn't.

Not that Andrea, the other Andrea - there were two Andreas living in close proximity. Used interchangeably.

The cult - group of people who live and work together, we see them in their matching work uniforms a lot.

Mr Clean- bald muscley gentleman who we see washing his car all the time, at least twice a week

Speedsters- a couple who have tried to sell us speed on several occasions and once painted their entire front of their house yellow in one night

Sue the goat- lady in the flat below, terrifying laugh

Some of these are hilarious! We've got:

Family Guy
The Munsters
Rod and Tod
Duncunt
Tits Pervert
Jimbob

Torvill and Dean
Hillbillies
Peter Powerwash (power washes fucking EVERYTHING!)
The alkies at no 5
Needy Nora
Those wankers next door.

Fizzy Orange man
Old Bag

Skinhead Sharon - all because she had a skinhead at 17-18 and never did again but that’s what’s she’s knows as 40 years on, poor mare

We have Sturdy Girl, who stands on her stoop surveying the street and judging. First one out banging her pan for the NHS obvs.

Horseface and the fat controller, the detectives,24hourpartypeople.

Bulldog man.Owns 8 bulldogs and walks them together.

The alchys.

CL, short for C_ckLodger, but meant affectionately.

Boncehead, dopehead, Mrs nosey,

Saucepan twat
That fucking wanker
Nice next-door (were “The nice next-doors” but the wife died)
Filthy Betty’s friend
Alice*

*Not her actual name but one neighbour I do actually call her actual name

We had:
Dickhead and Dickhead (they were both dickheads, to be fair to us)
Smokes-a-lot (always on her front step smoking)
One Thousand Children (they only had two but they made the noise of one thousand)
and The Weirdys

Hated the lot of them, so glad when we moved! We now have lovely neighbours that we have drinks with and frequently chat to. We still spend time wondering how Dickhead and Dickhead are doing though. (Being dickheads, we assume).

(You could refer to us as the Judgy-McJudgersons, I supposed.)

Richard the gossip
Malcolm the mountaineer
Rita the rude
Mr and Mrs Moody
The twatfaces

Cannabis creature, very rarely seen but flat emanates stink o weed. The tink downstairs, loud, always arguing with someone on phone.

Honey monster
'fun mum'
Pele (always kicking fucking football)
Cozy Powell (always playing fucking drums)
Bus shelter (he is covered in writing and smells of piss)

I had a very eccentric, lovely neighbour whom I called Sophie for 5 years. She used to invite herself in for tea and would often suddenly start talking in tongues or other such random things. She was brilliant. She sadly died when I was on holiday and when I meet her daughter I told her how sorry I was to hear about Sophie's death and what a lovely neighbour she was. Daughter replies "my mum's name was Sonia but she preferred Sophie so she never told you and told me not to tell you either". She even signed cards "Love Sophie". She really was delightfully bonkers.

next door but two is ,bitch features, and 'poor him' as shes a cow and hes long suffering. everyone else gets their names

We've had, over the years -
The shouters
Captain Birdseye - used to give us a lot of knock-off frozen food.
Big van man
The Pretenders - just told lies all the time
Gardenshites - dreadful back garden, totally wild and untended way before this was a "thing"
Bandy Angie - a very "liberated" young lady with many gentleman callers
Desert rat - loads of sand everywhere but only in the Summer
Bogey Bob
The Shudders - should have done this, should have done that people who gave far too much unsolicited advice to us on assorted topics that had nothing to do with them at all.
Hosanna - never stopped with the bloody garden watering day and night.