Things you call your neighbours

[WhackingPhoenix]

Met our new neighbours properly for the first time today and they told us they’ve called us ‘Mr and Mrs Metalhead’ for weeks because they didn’t know our names we were actually listening to ABBA today whilst gardening which confused/amused them! Perhaps we’re now Mr and Mrs ABBA instead.

It made me think of all the names I’ve given neighbours in the past: we’ve had ‘Angela with the hair’ (her name turned out to be Carole), ‘Big Dog Man’, ‘Small Dog Lady’, ‘Purple Lady’, ‘Shouty Man’ and simply ‘Keith’ (who may not have been called Keith at all)

What do you call your nameless neighbours?

One dress lady
Noisy Nelly
Noisy sex lady
The odd couple
Green thumb and his wife

"Tennis Tony" wears White shorts and white sports shirt all year round.
I was so disappointed to eventually discover that his name is David not Tony.

Makes me wonder if they call my DH Golfing Gordon

I’ve just remembered my Dad’s old neighbour!

Battleaxe (her name was Queenie, she was in her late 90s, never married and lived in the same house all her life!)

She was utterly terrifying, scowled out the window and regularly chased children with a broom, I truly thought she would outlive us all.

Brasso Lil with Tony Taxi
Hyacinth Bouquet
The Stabber
Weirdy and Beardy
Baldy Beamer
The Night Walkers
We call ourselves the Noisy Codgers

We used to call our elderly neighbours Burt and Ernie as we knew his name was Burt but couldn't remember hers for the life of us and felt rude asking again!

There are not enough swear words invented as to what I call that oxygen thief across the road !

Over the years I've had

Chisel face
Cabbage patch kid
The tramps
Donkey
Fat & skinny Les (a couple)

I think I'm probably known as the mean old witch down the street 🤣

We have The HTB’s - shortened from the Horse Twat Bastards

Derek & Barbara (we know their real names but started call

MFD (Man from downstairs) when I was younger and rented a flat
Malik 1
Malik 2
Malik 3
Over the last 8 years next door but one has been rented by a succession of similar looking young men each with a dog!
The Hooty child - Kid with a voice that I'm sure will shatter the windows one day.....

calling them Derek & Barbara before we knew their names!)

Claire (always forget her actual name so decided she looks like a Claire)

For a long time we wondered what people called us as we largely worked from home and mostly wore jeans and t-shirts so it didn't look like we had jobs but had a decent sized house and reasonable cars.

We once met a couple on holiday and got chatting to them and had a few drinks together but then couldn’t remember their names so called them Tits McGee & beardy bastard 😂for the rest of the holiday.

Mr Flanders
Matt the stabber

In our block we've got:

The Naughty Flat
Wake & Bake
Music Man
Buddha Boy
Pyjama Girl
Dog Man
Grumpy Anton
Helpful Mike & Nick

We have the snappily titled Mad Dog Woman of * Road

In our last house we had BMW man, yappy terrier woman, tarty teens from up the road, tarty teens from down the road, campervan woman... Where we are now we know their names so less interesting in one way.

Wanky car - always washing his car - so imaginative 😂😂😂

Lazy Bitch
Cat Man (he's moved now)
Teacher
Scrubbers (not actually that rough)

Smoking man
The madam
shed boy
the druggies
fuck boy
dog lady
The nurse

Mercedes Man - he has a different car now but still parks like a twat taking up two spaces so no one goes near his precious car. Also a total misery guts.

Bono - every day wears denim jeans or shorts, black t-shirt, dark denim blazer jacker thing and wrap around sunglasses.

Mrs Door Slammer - for obvious reasons

We have "Gru" over the road, (plump, bald, and wears a black polo neck) DIL was a supply teacher teaching one of his kids and told the TA what we called him, apparently after that she struggled to call him by his correct name!

I found out some years ago that I was known in our road as Mrs Fourboys, as I had four sons!

The Babadook (because she was always softly knocking on my door and calling my name in a creepy little voice to tell me awful things about the other neighbours and I dreaded it)
Noseybonk
The Tall Old Man
Terry Thomas

In our neighbourhood we have:

Chav-tasic over the road (self explanatory)
The Turks House ('cause they look Turkish)
Caravan couple (they have a caravan on their driveway)
Mrs Dog-Walker (nice lady, nice dog)
Uber girl (is usually seen getting into an uber taxi)
Paper Man (gets his paper from the corner shop every day)
Van-Man corner because his van is always parked there

Don't know if we're known as 'milk monitors' because we are buying milk when paper man is getting his paper.

Previous neighbours have been:

Re-fried dung beetle because when his kids came to visit they could run amok he was totally ineffective.
Biffer and blondie. He always wore camouflage gear, she was a dumb blonde.

I have christened our horrifically nosy neighbour the Mayor as she basically acts like she owns the whole street.

Across the way we have the Gruffalos, shortened to the gruffs. They are scruffy and loud but after 10 years they're the best neighbours we've ever had.
Oh and prick with a remote control helicopter.