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Original poster

My friend has just discovered her husbands 10 year affair

274 replies

Disname · 19/11/2021 19:45

10 years….

They’ve been married for 16. Im in shock, have spent the week supporting her but I just need somewhere to say WTF WTF WTF.

I honestly would never never never have believed it. He adores her, they are one of the happiest couples i know, she said herself they’ve never argued - it’s a running joke in our friendship group.

Im in shock. I did tell her I was going to post here but assured her there wouldn’t be identifiable details.

I just cannot believe it

OP posts:
MrsIPFreely · 19/11/2021 19:48

He doesn't adore her. He's a liar and a cheat. I hope your friend has lots of support.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 19/11/2021 19:48

I'm not sure after 10 years I'd call it an affair, it's a whole other life! How awful for your friend, that's the ultimate betrayal. Are you posting for advice on how practically they should separate?

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 19/11/2021 19:49

My parents had a wonderful relationship, my dad was having an affair on and off for most of it until they divorced after 35 years.
He then stayed with OW for 10 years (sort of, they had a relationship while she still lived with her husband) until they broke up.

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Relationship problems
Wildrobin · 19/11/2021 19:49

That must feel unbelievably hard to feel so tricked for so long, I’m so sorry. How did he live with this, I hope he gives her the answers she deserves and that you all support her no end

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 19/11/2021 19:50

Flowers for your friend, it’s shit.

Original poster
Disname · 19/11/2021 19:52

He’s been completely open apparently. Hasn’t denied it at all or minimised.

She’s in shock.

He says he fell in love with two women, “it’s as simple and complicated as that”. The other woman knows about his wife, has never asked or wanted him to leave and still doesn’t!

OP posts:
AliceAldridge · 19/11/2021 19:54

Wow. Well, it's nice for him and the OW rhat rhey are so fine with the situation.

Original poster
Disname · 19/11/2021 19:56

He’s moved to a hotel. He doesn’t want to live with OW and OW doesn’t want him to?!

Friend has spoken with her at length, she knew all about her and told her how much her DH loves her (his wife not the OW!)

The whole situation is so fucking surreal

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 19/11/2021 20:00

10y is a double life. What a nightmare.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 19/11/2021 20:01

Oh wow that's so awful. The poor woman Sad how did she find out? How did they get away with it for so long!

AliceAldridge · 19/11/2021 20:02

He doesn't love her, he had a double life. You don't do that to someone you love. He sounds deluded to me.

Original poster
Disname · 19/11/2021 20:04

She drove to a village she doesn’t usually go to about 20 mins from her house. No reason to go there normally but was picking something up she bought off Facebook. Saw her DHs car driving through the village when he was supposed to be miles away. Called him and he said he was at work miles away, she was literally across the street from him

OP posts:
KrispyKale · 19/11/2021 20:05

What dishonest twats.

rrhuth · 19/11/2021 20:05

That's just completely dysfunctional. Poor her. No idea how you pick yourself up from it but I wish her a clean break up, loads of great sex getting over it when ready and then a lovely new relationship in time Flowers.

Original poster
Disname · 19/11/2021 20:05

He told her the whole story. Fell in love with this woman OW. Still loved wife, never wanted to leave her, they’ve had a brilliant life together?! Asked has he ever made her unhappy ffs!!!

OP posts:
fournonblondes · 19/11/2021 20:06

How did your friend find out about the affair?

fournonblondes · 19/11/2021 20:07

Oh I see we cross posted.

Ohpulltheotherone · 19/11/2021 20:07

What an absolute arsehole - even if he didn’t want to leave her and did adore her etc etc - he did not give her the choice to decide if she was happy to share her life and relationship with a third party.

There are plenty of ppl who don’t want a monogamous relationship, each to their own. But you owe people honesty and the freedom to accept or decline the way you want to live.

So so wrong on so many levels. Heartbreaking for her and fuck the other woman, I mean really. Absolute scum bag

WonderfulYou · 19/11/2021 20:08

I'm not sure after 10 years I'd call it an affair

I agree! It’s a double life!

Does he have children with either of them?

Original poster
Disname · 19/11/2021 20:11

They are childless by choice. OW has a son who is older and not by him. Mate has looked at FB and there is no resemblance at all.

OP posts:
BleuJay · 19/11/2021 20:12

He was happy with the arrangement and the other woman was happy with the relationship.

Sadly, they are both too selfish and ignorant to understand that the third person, his wife may not be agreeable to such an arrangement and therefore to deny her the knowledge of their relationship is just plain nasty.

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 19/11/2021 20:12

Fucking hell, your poor friend. I hope she's getting all of the support she needs.

fournonblondes · 19/11/2021 20:12

Fucking asshole. I hope he gets what he deserves. Why women do this to other women? Your poor friend.

isthismylifenow · 19/11/2021 20:15

God this is awful.

Her world has been turned upside down. She doesn't need to make any decisions right now OP. This is going to take some time to process.

Is she also married?

frugalkitty · 19/11/2021 20:18

Your poor friend. Years ago I had a friend whose Dad upped and left them one day, for the woman and children he'd been keeping on the side for years and years. They'd had absolutely no idea. My mum said though that she'd always thought it odd when the mum had said odd things about not having much money, when the dad worked at a company known for high wages and lots of 'overtime' It completely screwed my friend up though, she'd adored her dad.

I think all you can do is a be a steady, shoulder to cry on for your friend. Shes better off without him but it might take her a while to see it. Poor girl.