Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

In a pickle over lack of thank you & holiday contribution

258 replies

bettybottersbetterbutter · 30/07/2021 11:28

About a 6 weeks ago my DD was taken away for the weekend by a school friend and her family to their holiday home in Cornwall. She's obviously very lucky and we thanked the parents before and after but that was it and I'm now looking back and feeling totally mortified that we didn't offer or send DD with a proper contribution (ie more than the £20 pocket money she took) or send a note and gift to the parents afterwards thanking them.
I could list the reasons why these things didn't happen at the time but suffice to say it was more poor time management than significant life event so not relevant and totally not a valid excuse.

We don't know the parents bar the odd WhatsApp message but I do know their address so really poor on my behalf not to at least have sent a thank you.

How can I resolve this 6 weeks after the event without looking totally ridiculous or like someone has prompted me.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 30/07/2021 11:31

I think youre overthinking it, but i dont think its too late if you want to contribute. You could send some money in a card and just say that things have been really tight but just wanted to send a contribution and a thankyou for what they did and that you feel really grateful

LizziesTwin · 30/07/2021 11:31

Ask your daughter if they drink alcohol & if they do send a half case of champagne with a note saying belated thanks? Obviously I don’t know what your budget is but something on those lines? We often host friends, children’s friends & aren’t really worried about the gift as we’d rather have the company.

October2020 · 30/07/2021 11:32

Could your daughter paint/make a card, that you write in? You could write p.s. sorry it took so long to send, we had a bit too much fun painting! Or something.

Or, I've just started being more honest with people when I mess up. "Hi guys, I'm really sorry but time has flown away with me and I haven't said a proper thank you for taking xyz away with you. I know she had a fabulous time because xyz.....". People generally respond well to honesty.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
mamaoffourdc · 30/07/2021 11:33

I would send flowers and a gift card for a local restaurant or a hamper full of goodies

greyspottedgoose · 30/07/2021 11:34

I would get them nice big bunch of flowers and some wine or champagne and send with a thank you card, just style it out, my goodness I don't know where time went these last few weeks, I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get these organised, thank you so much for taking her etc

It will be much better received than no thank you

Bluntness100 · 30/07/2021 11:36

I’m surprised you sent her away with twenty quid. I don’t know what you were thinking.

I’d send a message and say “shit time got away from me, wanted to say thanks, understand I owe you x amount, what’s your bank details please” . Just ask your daughter how much she thinks was spent on her. If she’s too young guesstimate. Say 80 -100 quid cor the weekend.

Original poster
bettybottersbetterbutter · 30/07/2021 11:37

Thanks guys I really like the suggestion of an honest time has flown but belated thanks and I will send some flowers and a note today. Do you think I should mention financial contribution? To be honest that's the bit I'm really embarrassed about as it's so presumptuous to send your child off for the weekend and not offer to pay Blush

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 30/07/2021 11:38

Actually the pp had a better idea, if they drink send a half case of good wine, as money may be rejected.

Bluntness100 · 30/07/2021 11:39

Gosh did you not even offer to pay upfront? No mention? Just sent her off with twenty quid?

FreeButtonBee · 30/07/2021 11:40

A late thank you is better than no thank you and acknowledging it is late is also better form as October2020 suggest. A nice bottle of wine or a hamper from somewhere local and a card with a heartfelt message.

If your daughter is old enough then get here to write two lines in the card as well.

Dizzy1234 · 30/07/2021 11:40

Never too late to say thanks and send a gift.
Explain that you've had a lot going on and have been remiss in not offering a contribution, then send it.

Original poster
bettybottersbetterbutter · 30/07/2021 11:41

@Bluntness100 nor do I other than I had a lot going on at the time and clearly wasn't thinking straight Confused I am suitably mortified looking back hence trying to rectify it now.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/07/2021 11:41

Offer to have their DD for a weekend so they can have some child free time?

CitrusIceCream · 30/07/2021 11:42

I’d send a champagne and flower bundle or something with a note saying:

I’ve been very mindful of the fact that we haven’t yet properly thanked you for your generosity and kindness in taking DD away with you on holiday. She had such a wonderful time and we’re so grateful to you for fitting her in your suitcase!

Sincere apologies for the delay - life has been getting in the way a bit recently, so the thought was there while the action took a little longer.

Thanks again,

XXXXX & DD

rantymcrantface66 · 30/07/2021 11:42

I take DC's friends away for weekends all the time and it's never crossed my mind to want money. I'd not expect anything if I'd offered (or if I was tight for money/needed a contribution I'd say so at the time of invite. (Such as we'll be doing this activity so friend will need £20 for that and maybe a small contribution towards food). I'd still appreciate wine and flowers after the event though

Dizzy1234 · 30/07/2021 11:44

Posted too soon, wanted to add that we are taking DSS & DSS's friend to Greece but we are paying and only expect the friend to bring some spends as he's coming as our guest, we're not loaded but have budgeted to pay for flights, meals, water sports etc.

MistyFrequencies · 30/07/2021 11:45

I wouldn't expect any child i invited on holiday with me to contribute....I invited them so I'd pay for them happily... So I wouldn't offer them money now, it might get uncomfortable.
But I think there's never any harm in sending booze/flowers and an honest 'meant to do this earlier but time slipped away, thanks again for...' note. That can only be received positively.

ClaryFairchild · 30/07/2021 11:46

Could you just offer to take her on a day out somewhere instead as a thank you?

zoeydollie · 30/07/2021 11:46

If I took one of my kid’s friends for a weekend to our other home (so only extra cost to me is just some food) I wouldn’t expect gifts or cash Confused

Do people really expect cases of champagne for having a child stay over???
If one of my kids brings a friend it usually does me a favour as I don’t have to entertain them!

I’d offer to have their child over for a sleepover.

Whynotnowbaby · 30/07/2021 11:47

I think it’s unlikely they expected a financial contribution (and if they did, I would have expected them to say how much was required when they first offered to take her). I would just do as pps have said, lovely thank you note and gift.

FawnFrenchieMum · 30/07/2021 11:47

We’ve taken DCs friends away several times and certainly never even considered a financial contribution towards it (I’d reject it if offered). If I offer to take a child away then I expect to pay for them to do all the things I choose to do with my child.

A thank you card / flowers / wine etc would all be appreciated even a few weeks later but certainly not expected.

2pinkginsplease · 30/07/2021 11:48

Weve taken my dad's friend on holiday a few times and never expected a penny for it. If I've asked then it means we are covering the full cost. Dd has since been away with same friend and I've never offered any money.

Flowers and a nice card would suffice to say a belated thanks.

zoeydollie · 30/07/2021 11:48

@Bluntness100

I’m surprised you sent her away with twenty quid. I don’t know what you were thinking.

I’d send a message and say “shit time got away from me, wanted to say thanks, understand I owe you x amount, what’s your bank details please” . Just ask your daughter how much she thinks was spent on her. If she’s too young guesstimate. Say 80 -100 quid cor the weekend.

What, when you invite a child to come away with you, you actually expect them to pay you? If that’s the case why not invoice upfront?
coodawoodashooda · 30/07/2021 11:49

@CitrusIceCream

I’d send a champagne and flower bundle or something with a note saying:

I’ve been very mindful of the fact that we haven’t yet properly thanked you for your generosity and kindness in taking DD away with you on holiday. She had such a wonderful time and we’re so grateful to you for fitting her in your suitcase!

Sincere apologies for the delay - life has been getting in the way a bit recently, so the thought was there while the action took a little longer.

Thanks again,

XXXXX & DD

Thats perfect.
RandomMess · 30/07/2021 11:49

I usually borrowed DC friends to make my life easier tbh 😂