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Original poster

In a pickle over lack of thank you & holiday contribution

258 replies

bettybottersbetterbutter · 30/07/2021 11:28

About a 6 weeks ago my DD was taken away for the weekend by a school friend and her family to their holiday home in Cornwall. She's obviously very lucky and we thanked the parents before and after but that was it and I'm now looking back and feeling totally mortified that we didn't offer or send DD with a proper contribution (ie more than the £20 pocket money she took) or send a note and gift to the parents afterwards thanking them.
I could list the reasons why these things didn't happen at the time but suffice to say it was more poor time management than significant life event so not relevant and totally not a valid excuse.

We don't know the parents bar the odd WhatsApp message but I do know their address so really poor on my behalf not to at least have sent a thank you.

How can I resolve this 6 weeks after the event without looking totally ridiculous or like someone has prompted me.

OP posts:
Galliano · 30/07/2021 11:49

I’m reading this as a weekend and in a holiday home they already own. I think you are massively over thinking this - it wasn’t for a long time and cost to them was marginal, it’s practically sleepover territory. I’d be highly embarrassed to receive a half case of champagne for that and would think the sender was slightly bonkers! I think it’s fine to send a proportionate token (bunch of flowers!) now but if I was the host would never have occurred to me to expect it.

zoeydollie · 30/07/2021 11:50

I might start charging bed & breakfast rates for sleepovers…

caughtinanet · 30/07/2021 11:52

I’d send a champagne and flower bundle

OMG, peak Mumsnet, what even is a flower bundle?

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exexpat · 30/07/2021 11:53

I've taken my DCs friends with us to a cottage owned by my family, and it would not have occurred to me to expect any kind of cash or extravagant gift in return. We chose to invite them, and apart from a little extra food, having one more child in the car or the house costs nothing and keeps my own DC happy.

It is good to say thank you, obviously, and a token gift is great, but unless you think they spent loads of money on your child (eg renting surf boards or wet suits or anything like that) I think I would be embarrassed to receive an over-the-top gift like a crate of wine.

Crockof · 30/07/2021 11:53

I'd be embarrassed if someone sent me a box of champagne for taking their kid away. People invite friends not for the benefit of the friend but the benefit of their child.

Barwell76 · 30/07/2021 11:54

I dont think you need to send anything. It was a weekend in their 2nd home so what would it has cost them? If they spent the weekend at the beach that would be free. If they did lots of expensive activities that would be different.

SquashMinusIsShit · 30/07/2021 11:54

@Galliano

I’m reading this as a weekend and in a holiday home they already own. I think you are massively over thinking this - it wasn’t for a long time and cost to them was marginal, it’s practically sleepover territory. I’d be highly embarrassed to receive a half case of champagne for that and would think the sender was slightly bonkers! I think it’s fine to send a proportionate token (bunch of flowers!) now but if I was the host would never have occurred to me to expect it.
I agree with this! I wouldn't want a big bunch of flowers (I always think they're over priced 🙊) but something small would be nice.

We haven't taken any of DD'd friends on holiday but when we've taken them on days out their parents usually send them with some cash for an ice cream/drink/snack but I never use it because we invited them & are happy to pay

SquashMinusIsShit · 30/07/2021 11:55

@caughtinanet

I’d send a champagne and flower bundle

OMG, peak Mumsnet, what even is a flower bundle?

I assume it means the bundles you can get on moonpig etc with flowers & chocolate/wine/champagne
CitrusIceCream · 30/07/2021 11:57

I’d send a champagne and flower bundle

Er...what? It’s a bottle of champagne & a bunch of flowers. Like [[https://www.marksandspencer.com/kalanchoe-gift-bag-with-prosecco/p/flp60513966 THIS]]

So sorry for using the wrong word 🙄

Chewbecca · 30/07/2021 11:57

Did they eat out or at home? If at home, she wouldn't have cost them much extra at all for a weekend & I'd just stick with the elaborate thank you with a sorry it's late, life has been crazy type message. And inviting their child back if you want to.

zoeydollie · 30/07/2021 11:58

In normal life, if your child’s friend invites your child for a day out, meal, sleepover or weekend with their family, you say thank you, tell your child to behave and maybe invite their friend back sometime.

You don’t send them £100 or cases of champagne. Especially not weeks later.

itsgettingwierd · 30/07/2021 11:58

IME when people take your child it's for company for there's.

They had no upfront costs as it's their holiday home. It's just a sleepover in another property they own!

I love the idea above about nice flowers or hamper or something you can afford with an honest note about time flying and not thanking them properly.

Shmithecat2 · 30/07/2021 12:00

@RandomMess

I usually borrowed DC friends to make my life easier tbh 😂
Lol. Ds is an only and 5yo, so it's not something we're looking at doing yet, but when the time comes, that's exactly what we've got planned. 😂
Shedbuilder · 30/07/2021 12:00

@bettybottersbetterbutter

Thanks guys I really like the suggestion of an honest time has flown but belated thanks and I will send some flowers and a note today. Do you think I should mention financial contribution? To be honest that's the bit I'm really embarrassed about as it's so presumptuous to send your child off for the weekend and not offer to pay Blush
Is it? I have cousins in Australia and in 2016 their son came to stay as part of a three-month European trip and in 2019 their daughter arrived with a friend. They ended up staying with me for two or three weeks off-and-on as they travelled around. I accommodated, fed and watered them, took them to places of interest, shows, stately homes, provided camping equipment and so on. I think they paid for a pub meal one evening but that was it. I even took them to Heathrow and waved them goodbye. All I had was a thank-you What's App message. It's what young people do.

I think £20 for a weekend away is plenty for a child. If it had been a week that would have been different. I'd have sent her with a decent bottle of wine and maybe some chocolates but she was company for their daughter and won't have cost that much more to feed, surely?

Shmithecat2 · 30/07/2021 12:01

OP I wouldn't panic too much - flowers and a card maybe would be lovely, but if I were the holidaying people, I certainly wouldn't be expecting anything. Why would I? I asked to take the child, not the other way round.

Sillysuzie · 30/07/2021 12:03

Return the favour?

TalkingOutYerArse · 30/07/2021 12:13

I wouldnt expect anything either if I had asked to take her though if I was in your shoes, I would have bought some goodies for the kids, a DVD and perhaps a new game, and a nice bottle or two for the parents if they like alcohol.

Gemma2019 · 30/07/2021 12:13

You are worrying over nothing - it’s just the same thing as if they had invited your DD to a sleepover at their house. Please ignore all the horrified replies and suggestions of sending cases of wine or champagne! You said thank you at the time, before and afterwards.

If you wanted to, you could text saying just wanted to thank you again for the lovely weekend you gave DD and we will look forward to reciprocating soon. But you don’t need to send anything now.

REP22 · 30/07/2021 12:13

I would just be honest. "I have just realised that six weeks have gone by since my daughter enjoyed her lovely holiday with you and I have not gotten around to sending you this; My apologies for the oversight. Please accept our sincere thanks for taking DD on holiday with you and sharing a wonderful time with her. I enclose .... as a contribution towards the holiday expenses AND/OR I am sending under separate cover..... as a token of our appreciation. With every good wish..."

Or some such similar wording. Time slips by so quickly and these things happen. It's not too late to say thank you, and I am sure that they enjoyed your daughter's company on the holiday.

MySecretHistory · 30/07/2021 12:14

You dont need to send £200 quid of champagne.

  1. You should have sent her with more than £20. £50 would have been better. She would have come back with change
  2. Bottle of wine and thank-you card when you got her back. You can do that now

I would be mortified if someone sent me an extravagant gift after taking their child away with us (which. have done dozens of time). It is vulgar.

shenanigans5 · 30/07/2021 12:15

A decent wine and a box of nice chocs would be what I’d do (max £25). Drop on door step with a thank you card. Might be nice to reciprocate too if you’re in a position to.

MathsFiend · 30/07/2021 12:16

Why would you send them anything? They were doing it so that their child had company her own age on holiday. I wouldn’t expect anything if I was the host parent.

Gemma2019 · 30/07/2021 12:16

@Bluntness100

I’m surprised you sent her away with twenty quid. I don’t know what you were thinking.

I’d send a message and say “shit time got away from me, wanted to say thanks, understand I owe you x amount, what’s your bank details please” . Just ask your daughter how much she thinks was spent on her. If she’s too young guesstimate. Say 80 -100 quid cor the weekend.

Utterly ridiculous as usual, and you would seriously start a thank you message with the word shit?
PrettyLittleFlies · 30/07/2021 12:17

Case of champagne? Hampers? Seriously? These suggestions cannot be from people with real life children and holiday homes.

My kids have been on v flash holidays with friends who wouldn't accept a penny.

Likewise when their friends come with us and I don't expect - or accept - a thing! The joy is the children having their friends with them.

illuyankas · 30/07/2021 12:17

I don't think it's too late. You can write a thank you note explaining the situation with gifts etc. It's better to be late than do nothing.