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Original poster

Badly explain your job

429 replies

Greenandcabbagelooking · 09/04/2020 17:14

Because I think we all need a laugh at the moment! Inspired by a Twitter hashtag, explain your job (or an old one) and guess what other posters’ jobs were.

I use dangerous chemicals and fire around children.

OP posts:
OneTooManyBathtimes · 09/04/2020 17:15

Science teacher?

I told people their choice of footwear was wrong

Kpo58 · 09/04/2020 17:16

I give old people money til they die.

FaithInfinity · 09/04/2020 17:18

According to DD, my job is Sticking cameras down people’s throats and up people’s bottoms! (I don’t actually operate the cameras but I’m there when they do!).

drinkingwineoutofamug · 09/04/2020 17:19

Soon to be registered drug dealer

TokyoSushi · 09/04/2020 17:20

Boss scientists about.

drinkingwineoutofamug · 09/04/2020 17:20

@OneTooManyBathtimes
Chiropodist??

@Kpo58
Pensions? Post office??

AhoyMrBeaver · 09/04/2020 17:20

I facilitate fogeyism and disappoint most of the people I see.

GoldenBlue · 09/04/2020 17:20

Bossing people about and spending other people's money (programme manager)

bettybattenburg · 09/04/2020 17:20

I'm a specialist in mind games and indoctrination of the vulnerable.

drinkingwineoutofamug · 09/04/2020 17:21

@bettybattenburg
Politician?

Patterjack · 09/04/2020 17:22

I play with play dough and wipe noses and bottoms all day.

SignOnTheWindow · 09/04/2020 17:22

I lie to children.

Original poster
Greenandcabbagelooking · 09/04/2020 17:22

Betty - a counsellor?

OP posts:
EyeShipMiceElf · 09/04/2020 17:23

I have to listen, try really hard not to daydream and then pretend I know exactly what to do to many people 30 years younger than me.

Concerned12345 · 09/04/2020 17:25

Trying to light and keep alight a metaphorical light bulb using telepathy to a machine that operates hourly using lots of dodgy wiring and a circuit board of short thick planks with a few shiny sparks thrown in for good measure.

EyeShipMiceElf · 09/04/2020 17:25

@drinkingwineoutofamug Pharmacist?

Thekindyoufindinasecondhand · 09/04/2020 17:27

Rubbing bodies for pleasure and making pubic hair look lovely

PawPatrolMakesMeDrink · 09/04/2020 17:27

I poison babies

Shoegal0305 · 09/04/2020 17:28

I'm an 'ambulance driver' apparently??? 😤

RJnomore1 · 09/04/2020 17:29

I write lots about things other people are doing

CatBatCat · 09/04/2020 17:29

I move numbers on a spreadsheet from 1 column to another and make up stories about why they don't match.

BlackboardMonitorVimes · 09/04/2020 17:30

@CatBatCat Accountant?

BlackboardMonitorVimes · 09/04/2020 17:31

I write things that tell people what to do, and then get hissy with them when they do other things.

Rebelwithallthecause · 09/04/2020 17:32

I guess the price of how much it costs to build something and hope someone agrees my guess is a good one and goes with it

Then I hope my guess is a good one so that the company doesn’t lose money on it

Then I do it all over again

PlopTeeth · 09/04/2020 17:33

@SignOnTheWindow are you Father Christmas?