Badly explain your job

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

Because I think we all need a laugh at the moment! Inspired by a Twitter hashtag, explain your job (or an old one) and guess what other posters’ jobs were.

I use dangerous chemicals and fire around children.

I aak people how much pain their in and fuck about on computers all day

I kidnap people, steal their stuff and occasionally burgle their houses.

I ask people who money for their money and then give that money to other people who need it more.

I'm not anymore, but I used to be a professional nosy bastard.

Now I'm just nosy for fun.

I take invisible things off other people’s things.

I write things that tell people what to do, and then get hissy with them when they do other things.

Are you my mum?

The child snatcher from chitty chitty bang bang

I'm Spock: I try to make sense of messy human ideas and turn them into something nice and logical which a robot can understand.

I look at documents written in a foreign language and type numbers into boxes and make sure they add up, when they are correct I enter the same numbers again into other boxes and submit them

Using electric and non electric mechanical devices I significantly reduce the amount of keratin based protein from mainly male scalps.

Foist Shakespeare on unwilling teenagers.

I shout at groups of people about books.

Trying to convince people to do things

I track customer service figures, make shapes out of balloons and get yelled at by customers when something in their order is wrong.

I invade people’s personal spaces and poke them in the eye.

SignOnTheWindow
Dinner lady?
Dentist?

I have no idea...

Musmerian Secondary English teacher!

underneaththeash Optemologist! Or have I mispelt that?

I talk to teenagers about dead people and poor decisions made in the past.

I meet up with mostly men for a nice chat and then they ask me to dress up and look at their equipment.

I then write to them to tell them what they're doing wrong and how I think they should do better.

I go about doing seemingly random things in the street so that people in places can talk to other people in other places. Sometimes I climb up stuff.

I pay the gas bill and order some pens, all whilst making sure you don’t trip down the stairs

@deathswiftlyfollows - barber?

I rebuild your smile.

yesplease telecom engineer