Badly explain your job

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

Because I think we all need a laugh at the moment! Inspired by a Twitter hashtag, explain your job (or an old one) and guess what other posters’ jobs were.

I use dangerous chemicals and fire around children.

Sticking my fingers in people’s mouths according to DS although I like @oralengineer’s version better.
No one will be doing either for a long time!

People send me paper and a month later I send them money.

I break speed limits, drive through red lights and make a lot of noise. Then I'll feed poorly people drugs and stab them with needles. Sometimes I also jump up and down on their chest and electrocute them.

Blame focus for projects

I spend my days arguing with self entitled consumers who don't want to follow any social distancing guidelines because they don't have to follows rules it's just the flu 🙄 spend the rest of my time biting my tongue and wishing I was on furlough.
Prior to this I loved my job!

Old job- I'll sell you things really, really quickly.

Now job- I'm basically the mom of several tables of different families who all want to eat something different and usually very specific, but all at the same time, if you don't mind.

Nope,not a politician or a counsellor. It was an apt description for a politician though.

I have unsupervised video conversations with children on the internet

I shuffle paperwork and argue with people to stop my company selling things.

Selling other people's rejected junk on Ebay...

I tell people what to do and then when they decide to do something else I tell them what to do again, then go off and get a coffee and drink it whilst muttering under my breath and smoking a fa, about people's inability to do their actual fucking job they're paid to do.

Rinse and repeat

@steamedxmaspudding I think we do the same/related jobs.

There are far too many to catch up with!

@PawPatrolMakesMeDrink

Nurse in oncology?

I charge people to watch other people play make believe.

@Jupiterscallisto

Police officer?

I help little people out of small spaces

I read correct a lot of papers and create pretty pictures with red lines on them.

@SilentBob Auctioneer? Now a furniture restorer?

I force people to do what they don't want to do but they usually enjoy it in the end. I always lie when at work.

I jump around making animal shapes and noises, tell stories, play with toys, do crap crafts and charge parents money to let their kids join in.

@Pickles89 almost! I’m a practice nurse, I give tonnes of baby immunisations.

I help little people out of small spaces

Midwife? Obstetrician?

@ScarletPower Journalist? Detective?

@ChandlerIsTheBestFriend midwife 👍🏻

Write about all the problems that nobody else ever thinks about cos they think “that will never happen”. Tell people things they don’t want to hear about things other people say they shouldn’t be doing, but then tell them ways to still do what they want to do anyway.