Hilarious FB stealth boasts

[lovelyjubilly]

'I feel so guilty! I have taken my children out doing fun activities every day of the summer holidays so far for the past 3 weeks and today we are having a day at home. I feel so bad that they're going to be bored! Anyone else feeling guilty about having a day at home?'

Any other gems?

There's a girl I know who has mention her Audi at every opportunity in a 'you buy a brand new Audi and the tyre light goes on after 3 weeks, geeez' kind of way.

This week it was 'fgs driving to [wherever] and the [whatever] alarm starts binging on the Audi, sigh. Just my luck that we're going to have to wait until September for Audi to build our new one, grrrr.

No. My FB friends are disappointingly modest. I long for the odd stealth boast to laugh at.

Did I just stealth boast about my classy friends?

One fb friend loves to constantly leave people in no doubt that she is very comfortable money wise.
She took a pic the other day of some fresh flowers she'd bought, but instead of showing a close up of the flowers, the pic was taken about ten feet away and carefully placed to take in her brand new extension
Same poster also shouted to her dh in a video, taken during a 'flood' up to her ankles that she 'thanked God she hadn't worn her Christian Louboutins'

Oh I know one of them Long only it’s a Jaguar last week she had to take her Mum to the hospital and they got there sooooooo quick becuase you know the new Jag is very fast 🙄 she done the food shop yesterday and posted about how big the boot is on the new Jag

Same lady also posts a lot about not being able to find her Gucci bag many morning (seriously darling the rest of us manage to find our designer bags in the morning why doesn’t she leave it by the Door?)

Someone posted today when I checked Not going out tonight so having champagne In the garden (wtf? This couple have a huge garden and a beautiful garden, it’s not a sad face situation) I did post on the comments if it’s Moët I’d be sad too!

And yes people that post I’ve only done 100 activities with the dc today, Bac mum alert drive me mad.

I have a cousin who posts pictures of her extremely fancy cakes and writes "just a simple cake to greet huby from work". She is lovely but very proud of her cooking and baking skills. We're used to it now.

Some of these are hilarious

I'm not on FB but if I was and I saw posts like that I would start playing them at their own game.

I have one who boasts via faux anxiety. Posts pictures of her 3 year old with a book "I'm so worried, she has started sounding out words!!! Surely this cannot be normal? [sadface] Someone then says 'oh hun that is so advanced, m ine weren't reading until they were 23' and then she then says that they have been using Jolly Phonics app for 2 years. She also does 'can someone e please tell me how to stop my DH buying me presents? This is the 3rd one this week' with a picture of the latest iphone.

I love these! I don’t have any sadly

I have a relative that I can’t hide who posts pictures of herself and her nice figure in tiny dresses or even underwear saying ‘I don’t care that I’m fat and have a Mum Tum, this body gave me a baby’ etc
Makes me sigh out loud.

Yes, fb friend obviously v proud of her daughters exam results, has posted,
So proud of DD, (insert name of very prestigious uni) is very lucky to get you.

thanks op this is reminding me of why i came of FB

but having a good laugh about these

Ooh I have a friend who's perfect for these. I've dug some out.

'I didn't go out tonight and I've had five people on the phone on different nights out asking where the hell I am! Might as well have give out.'

'Only I could apply two layers of Chanel lipgloss on the windiest day ever and get my newly blow-dried hair stuck in it up the Shard!'

'Love coming home to a clean and tidy house after our cleaner Ingrid has been. Makes such a difference'

'As if I broke my finger last night but didn't even realise; too busy having the best time ever, love my life'

Ah, bum; I have nothing interesting on my feed! Just nice, normal people

pink love that comment "I did post on the comments if it’s Moët I’d be sad too!"

It was tempting to post something along the lines of 'ah nevermind, maybe you'll be able to stretch to a (e.g.) merc next time' on Audi girls post, but she's otherwise lovely so I restrained myself.

Recently a woman on a parenting group wrote that her husband couldn’t help with the problem she was posting about because he was too busy with his male modelling work.

Flopsy this is the reason I stay on FB

I know a couple who posted a photo of the toilets in first class!

Best one so far 😂

VodkaRevelation

Recently a woman on a parenting group wrote that her husband couldn’t help with the problem she was posting about because he was too busy with his male modelling work.

DH has a girl on his feed. They grow up in the same village.

I’ve begged him not to remove her as I so enjoy her updates.

“New car nearly ready, I’ll likely miss the Range Rover come winter but can’t wait to drive a Porsche 👌”.

“Can’t decide whether to buy DS a private reg plate now as who knows when one will come up with his name again?🤔”. DS is 6.

“Just got a house report done. We’re not selling but good to know the new extension has us sitting on a wee gold mine💰”

On and on it goes. She has a little band of followers who swoon at her every word. A wee scrawl through her newsfeed is my guilty pleasure !

The food virtue signallers are my favourite, particularly preachy vegans.

I get compulsive hash taggers on my fb feed and lots of 'living my best life'. Wtf does that even mean?

I have none of these but am posting so I can follow this thread as its fecking funny

I wish my FB was as entertaining as some posters.