Hilarious FB stealth boasts

[lovelyjubilly]

'I feel so guilty! I have taken my children out doing fun activities every day of the summer holidays so far for the past 3 weeks and today we are having a day at home. I feel so bad that they're going to be bored! Anyone else feeling guilty about having a day at home?'

Any other gems?

I used to have one of these.

"I've been called into the school to speak the teacher. I bet my little shit of a child is "exceeding expectations" again just like her siblings and we'll be given the talk about "nurturing her talent". We've been through this with three children already."

Hint, love. Referring to said child as a little shit, and pretending you hate the whole thing, doesn't make the stealth boast any less obvious.

She posted like that all the time. Really "negative" things about her children that were really just the same as the people who outright boasted about theirs, whom she claimed to hate!

Love these. I follow a friend of a friend on Instagram who does this and I genuinely enjoy reading her posts and thinking about what she’s trying to achieve in posting. Everything is #blessed or #blessedmamma or #playinginthetop2%

People who stealth boast about being at a hospital.... whats that about? It's definitely a brag of some sort and it wants attention...

Checks in at Queens Medical Centre: "OMG.. I don't need a night like that again..."

Cue a billion concerned queries all responded to with "inbox me hun"....

Fucksakes Laura... we all know it's just your verruca playing up again. Go back to heavily filtered selfies in the Merc....

I ditched all social media (apart from sites like this which are anonymous)

Bliss.

But if you feel the need to interract with charlatans. Go for it.

Your problem really isn't it?

God, it’s just the worst! Makes you hate these people but it’s addictive too? Every time you see them post you think “I need to delete this person, they’re despicable but sometimes you actively seek them out! Just to remind yourself they’re still despicable! If you do delete them a small wave of remorse goes through you as though your going to miss their shenanigans. Let’s face it fb would be boring without them ... but yeah, I hate them 😂

Sat at class martial arts sort of class for DC tonight, listening to a parent...

"well, she can't commit to this because she has other things on, and she likes to exceed, I mean, she dropped significantly as she was at lifeguard stage, and 2 years ago when she was in year 2, she got 100% in all her SATs, I mean, her teacher called me in and said they don't usuallygive results but she had got 100% in everything, Imran she lifted their sayts scores, she was the top pupil of xxxprimary school...

On and on about how amazing she was...this overbearing helicopter parent...it was causing a fewraised eyebrows.

I’ve a friend who thinks mentioning she’s a teacher at every given chance makes sound more important. Status updates like:

First parents evening at DC new school. When Araminta’s teacher realised I was too a teacher, she quick changed her negatives about my daughter to positives

Went to view a house, told the estate agent I was a single parent and they bristled as if I wouldn’t be able to afford such a house. Then mentioned I was a teacher and they threw in a free survey if I agreed to buy it there and then

Dropped swimming...not dropped significantly!

Real life has taken such a back seat now. Online shite for the bewildered and bored has replaced it.

I mean.not Imran!! Bloody autocorrect

Some of my friends in late 39’s do it. I don’t even need to speak to one now, I can tell when she’s been mugged off again by a bloke or has felt inferior to someone by how and what she posts of Facebook. Bloke mugging her off - cue the endless tags of her out having an “amazing time”. Feeling inferior to someone women he’s mugged you off for - cue the Chanel bag in background. She genuinely believes that bringing attention to herself on Facebook is going to bring all the boys to the yard 😂 like they’re sitting at home and posts are going to bring her to the forefront of their attention and they will realise they’re hopeless yin love with her. Cringe.

Friends hubby posted this a few weeks ago.

“ struggled with xxxxxx birthday this year. Can’t buy her chocolates - you don’t get a size 6 figure fromstuffing your face, can’t buy her flowers as she owns a flower shop.....so might as well buy her a BMW!! #happy birthday #blessed etc etc etc” .

I laughed. They pretend they are mortgage free in their big house. They are technically mortgage free because they rent the bloody place! Everything is bought on credit and it’s ALL for show.

Then there’s the woman whose husband ‘ insists’ on taking her to the local Michelin starred / rising stars establishments because ‘ I’m worth it’ ( followed by multiple pics of food). No, he only takes you there love because he’s a bloody alcoholic and you are too busy photographing every damn thing you don’t notice he’s sunk 2 bottles of wine and you are driving AGAIN. so you are not #luckyladynumber1.

I’ve come to realise that most of these boasts are disguising a myriad of problems. I think it’s called papering over the cracks.

Does it not really tell you that the wonderful lives they say they are living really aren't?
Wonderful lives are lived, not documented.

If they had the common sense to realise what they are doing is exposing their need to feel superior and happy, but that can only happen through the equality disturbed 'validation' of likes and comments.

We all need a bit of attention, it's no bad thing, but these people are not living the lives they say they are.

Believers in others fantasy worlds. OK.

I know someone who puts photos of every room of their house saying how lovely it is now partner has done it up, brag brag brag, then going on about returning to a lovely hotel on holiday, do know what?, I hope your fucking house get burgled while you are away, you big headed twat ! (I know, will burn in hell, but don't care!)

Sanctimommy is great for hilarious stealth boasts.

I agree with others that I have no problem with people who are straightforwardly and joyfully sharing good fortune / things they are proud of. A distant relative of mine did loads of travelling and socialising whilst living abroad, and shared tonnes of photos of her looking v happy hanging out with friends in lovely places. It was brilliant to read and I was happy for her. If her trip had been all, “oh no. Another night out in a swanky bar. What a hassle. And my friends are all soooooo attractive and happy it’s such a bind.” then that would have been very tedious.

All these Mercedes Benz in the garage and getting stolen.... I'd be tempted to post
"I'll stick with my 15 year old Toyota, thanks. Goes in the garage once a year for a service and not worth nicking. Winner!"
Along with a photo of my unmanicured hand gripping the worn steering wheel showing off my best Elizabeth Duke bling glinting in the sun.

I had 2 people I kept as friends just for the entertainment value. One posted selfies in her sexy bra and knickers with her non existent baby bump on show, draping a 'scarf' of pictures from the scan around her. Very odd. Lots of comments about getting fat when she was clearly very slim and beautiful.
Another one who #anxiety #depression after everything she posts, as if she's giving herself a get out of jail free card for being a wanker. Despite the anxiety she posts an incredible amount of selfies for no real reason. The worst caption was 'used cool tones with my make up today as the boiler is broken'. Wtf. You just wanted to post your face. There was a shitty hashtag along the lines of #shittiest24hours 😆😆😆

Longhairdontcare you must be posting about my half sister- she’s constantly blabbing about her cars ( she changes them more than her knickers) but hasn’t a pot to piss in alledgely !!

Exceptional things are exceptional because they are out of the ordinary and thus worthy of note. Fine to share an exceptional moment with others who might care.
But if you life is absolutely full of exceptional moments, then they aren't really exceptional are they? it's someone wanting to illustrate they'd be exceptional to everybody else who can't enjoy such things.
It can be wrapped up on love sentiment, and seeming modesty, but it's good old fashioned bragging.

DH's friend's girlfriend is queen of stealth FB boasting!

Lots of photos of her posing in swimwear (she's a size 6) saying how fat she is or how she knows she looks whale-like but she's going to be brave and post the photo anyway.

Lots of photos with a Louis Vuitton bag in the background. Her boyfriend bought her a grand piano and that appears in a lot of photos too! Or pictures of her feet to show her 'Loubs'

Photos of gourmet meals with a caption in the vein of 'just a simple tea for us tonight #feelinglazy'

Statuses such as 'Feeling exhausted! We've spent all day looking at holidays and still can't choose between Mauritius and Maldives! Just want to get a holiday booked!'

Funniest thing is her boyfriend is actually a drug dealer who owes money left right and centre to people. She thinks they're the Beckhams!

*wrapped up in lovely sentiment...

Great customert tryft vt t ttttvt there gonna g ghbhh

You really want to see some people's reactions when you mention that their LV, or Choo's seem to be counterfeit (cos very often they are!).

I've done that before know and mentioned little stuff like the stitching pattern is incorrect. It's hilarious, as fairly often they know they bought a dodgy pair and think they've been found out!
I have no clue about the stitching pattern etc, but neither have they ;-)