Hilarious FB stealth boasts

[lovelyjubilly]

'I feel so guilty! I have taken my children out doing fun activities every day of the summer holidays so far for the past 3 weeks and today we are having a day at home. I feel so bad that they're going to be bored! Anyone else feeling guilty about having a day at home?'

Any other gems?

You forgot #lovinglife

🤣🤣

My friends just don't do this. However, a couple of years ago I joined a 'babys due in xxx' FB group (set up by mums on here so hope its not too outing) where one woman's showing off of all her baby bling actually caused a massive falling out that caused a chunk of the group to flounce!

There were videos of delivery vans turning up, claims of her huge embarassment over four figure value baby pressies (links to these with prices included). But the piece de resistance which resulted in other members flouncing was her claim she was saving eleventy bajillion pounds a month for mat leave.

When people asked her to try being a bit more sensitive, she became incredibly defensive saying everyone just had to understand that she had to save that much because she had a much larger mortgage and outgoings than everyone else!

I met her in RL and she was lovely, friendly, inclusive and normal. 😕

I find it hard to judge people who use #makingmemories. I think that I have one friend who uses it. I wish my parents had tried to give me nice memories

But they are not making memories. They run in, take a photo and leave, they never engage with whatever the view or activity is. It is hilarious.

But they are not making memories. They run in, take a photo and leave, they never engage with whatever the view or activity is. It is hilarious.

How do you know? Again if somebody I liked enough to have as a FB friend said they were doing something lovely with their children, I would believe them.

I have one who is very lovely in real life but toddler child is being made into some kind of hyper empathic, multi lingual (as in learning languages not spoken at home), anti-capitalist, singing, dancing, well-documented and photographed activist. A toddler.

I assumed this was about me only my child is not mono lingual never mind multilingual

I have one who posts pictures of herself that are practically porn with comments like... "people have knocked my confidence but I'm so proud and I don't care".... then with the hashtags #bustygirls #buxombeauty #bodyconfident #nippletasslesrock

None of this seems to be reflective of any kind of transformational journey other than an increasing belief that she is the sexiest woman on the planet.

And the thing is... I'm all for body confidence regardless of size or age (cloelse to 50).... but I'm so sick of seeing her flabby tits all over Facebook while she humblebrags about not being confident in spite of scattershitting her fishnet arse shots through my newsfeed...

She obviously does really rate herself.... occasionally makes memories with her kids... but only in the context of her looking "fucking hot as usual"...

At a wedding once I complimented her on looking fabulous (I'll be honest I didn't mean it, I was just being polite), and her husband leaned in and said "flabbytits is always the hottest woman in any room".... before walking off... so it's definitely not him knocking her confidence....

Also have a relative who appears to nolonger have a nose on account of too much filtering...

However.... i must confess to never humblebragging on facebook... I openly and brazenly brag if my kids have done something cool. I also usually claim any athleticism they show came from me even though I'm a fat couch potato.... so I'm probably just as bad as flabbytits in my own way...

I’ve got one of these! Sample status:

This morning at 4am I couldn’t sleep so went downstairs, as I walked into the living room a bloke was looking through the front room window! And another 3 men were outside in a car. This was yet again someone trying to steal my brand new Mercedes! It has already been stolen once!!!! Please make sure you lock your cars up and also put your key in one of those special cases. Police on the case!

My page probs shows this but it isn't boasting, its MIL keeping us up to date with our boys.

DS1 11(12) and ds2 (just turned 9) are living with GP for the 6 weeks holidays, as ds2 is multiple life threatening allergies, that we can't get childcare for.

They have now seen 4 wonders of the world on this trip, been on a hot air balloon, paragliding, numerous water parks, wild life parks, jeep safari's, numerous boat trips, swimming with dolphins, to name a few things they have done this summer, me and dh spent a few weeks with them before having to come home, only there life would be so much different if ds2 didn't have medical conditions.

MIL also just about understands FB, however for us, I only have people on there I know and knows ds2 circumstances, so not really a stealth boast for us, id rather have my kids at home.

I have a friend who got married SIX months ago but every single photo on fb etc must have her ring in and every post must vaguely reference the fact she's married? It's so odd ! Today's gem was a photo of her new born niece (typical gushing) with her hand so awkwardly positined over the baby to show her ring it can not have been comfortable 😂😂😂

Trying to imagine what my stealth boast would look like. I work from home full time and have had issues with childcare being cancelled so have had to have both DS at home 'self-entertaining' this week.

Maybe:
DS12 achieved a 6 hour run on Fortnite today. 69 kills before lunch time. That's the 5th day back-to-back. #soproud.

Or:
Only had to referee 45 sibling fights today. Love how they love each other and are soooo good at sharing. Makes my life so much easier. #brotherlove

Or:
It's so much easier now they can sort their own healthy snacks. #thebiscuitbarrelisempty #again

It's been a long week!

There is someone on my Facebook who never posts updates but always checks in at British Airways first class lounge or equivalent, or blah blah hotel Dubai.

I get compulsive hash taggers on my fb feed and lots of 'living my best life'. Wtf does that even mean?

Yes, what does it mean?! I mostly see it posted when people are on holiday, never when doing the weekly shop.round Tesco with the kids.

I have one friend who pretty much just posts pictures of herself (taken by her doting husband) doing increasingly obscure fitness things with weird contrived captions and hashtags (genuine recent example: her silhouetted in front of a sunset, standing on one leg on a paddle board captioned “can’t believe this was the first time I went stand up paddle boarding #suplife #tbt #memories”. Other examples include hot yoga - “so sweaty after my pre work hot yoga sesh at [expensive gym], now off for green tea and a shower #detoxtastic”, and ski jumping - “#snowqueen”.

Another (male, buyer for a luxury brand) lists the designer of every item of clothing he is wearing every day, and ensures that in every photo of his designer juice or skinny non dairy latter his wallet (always visibly branded, always coordinated with his outfit, usually either Alexander McQueen or Louis Vuitton) and glasses (usually Oliver Peoples) are clearly visible.

I could unfollow but they make me laugh!

Boasting about son's GCSEs while trying to appear modest : "X got his GCSE results. No surprises." which presumably meant straight As but I'll always wonder! I really like her but wish she'd just beamed with pride, told us how many gazillion As he got and had done with it.

Another pal is #alwaysbloodyhashtagging, especially about her food which is #muchhealthierthanyours so she can #eatwellfeelgreat. It looks like a bloody advertising campaign.

I really like both these women - just feel the fb etiquette is a bit off.

My daughter gets her GCSE results next week, she had battled through horrific bullying; an assault and was hugely let down by her school. She has worked do hard and there will be nothing stealth like about my boast post on Thursday.

If any of my friends judge me for that - they are quite frankly twats I could do without.

These are the eegits that will post about all the expensive things they have, where they live and when they are off on a holiday of a lifetime. Coming home to find the house burgled and car stolen

I have a juice plus rep on my fb, every morning there's an inspirational meme followed by a video of her preparing some weird coloured shake then the rest of the day contains various updates about her magic beans and how her job will fund lavish holidays and new cars.
Doesn't seem to have happened yet though as she drives a modest old car and had a week in Brean over the summer.

Ooh, this reminds me of teenage girl selfies with mum / family, where teen girl will post a pic of herself looking gorgeous, with mum barely visible, peering over her shoulder, maybe looking tired. Teenage girl posts to accompany photo : "I love my beautiful mum so much - she is stunning! xxx"
Or, with sister - again, the poster looking great, sister only half in shot looking like somebody has just goosed her : "Happy birthday my sister, I love you so much!"
Any excuse to post a selfie!

I have one that is constantly banging on about how much she luuurves her children, with a poetic accompaniment. Bleurgh

I have no problem with people boasting about their kids achievements, that I get and I enjoy. I boast about my ds sometimes. It's the humble boast that's is annoying and hashtag everything.

What is also annoying is people who out 2 word status so everyone will ask what's up. My cousin does this a lot. "I can't believe it" que millions of what's up hun are. Usually a load of crap anyway

I have one that does vlog statuses. She has gems like "sorry guys, my online business has been growing so much, I had to get a house keeper as I can't keep on top of this big house because my business is through the roof" she always likes her own status and rarely anyone responds. "Friday night out, with my wee Vivienne Westwood number and my trusty chiming choos, showing off my hard earned glutes" she started doing lives on FB of her cooking and she actually said "just off to get my chia seeds from the pantry because this is a big house" 😂😂😂 she always says things like "many of you ask how I look so good!Well...." Insert whatever MLM she is at that week.

Some of these are hilarious

One on mine
Getting engaged (surprise engagement) just happened to be someone there to take photos of it all though including the Vera wang box etc etc

Manicured hands always on the steering wheel with the range / merc etc etc badge visible

Posing in front of the mirror for selfies with one leg bent like a bloody flamingo

I've got an acquaintance who sells some shitty "health" stuff that she's constantly trying to flog to everyone.
#bossbabe #mummybusiness #officeatthepark... that sort of nonsense.
She posts photos of her open palm with "magic beans" or a glass of "amazing shake" and then photos of her now and 2 years ago saying "omg the difference!!".
She looks exactly the same.

A woman I went to university with posted daily photos of "The Elf on the Shelf" throughout advent but it they always included status items in the background!

"Naughty Elf has cooked breakfast" - photograph of elf in pot on 8 ring range...

"Naughty elf has has a bath" - picture of elf in roll-top bath...

"Naughty elf tried to steal Mummy's car" - behold, full picture of BMW X6 with the tiny elf sat in the drivers seat

Every day in December, so obviously a stealth boast

longhair I have one of those as well. Taking my Mercedes Benz to the garage again . Wanted a Mercedes Benz all my life and now it’s in the garage for two days. Can’t get the parts they need to fix my merecedes Benz so I won’t have it for another day.