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Original poster

A horrible, horrible thing happened****warning, potential trigger****

249 replies

JustDontWantToSay · 29/06/2014 09:14

I'm going to keep this as vague as possible because I don't want my friend to find out.
Last night I stayed with my friend and her husband - known them a long time, stayed many times before.
We went out for dinner, we'd all been drinking (not silly amounts) and then we sat down to watch a film. I fell asleep during the film and when I woke up my friend had gone to bed and her husband had changed the channel to soft core porn and had his fingers inside me. I immediately pushed him away but he was resistant and when I managed to scramble away he started a conversation about the porn! I was so utterly shocked that I just left the room immediately and went to bed.
I've now woken up, I'm still here, WWYD??

OP posts:
mwahmumx · 29/06/2014 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Justfuckitupagain · 29/06/2014 16:45

Yes, Mwah - and there are a fuckload of posters that ARE genuine.

I just hope to god that you aren't one of them.

AnnieLobeseder · 29/06/2014 16:46

Actually, mwah, since I don't have many RL friends, and I find MN to be infinitely sensible about most things, in times of genuine distress my first though usually is to post on MN asking for advice. If you doubt the OP, keep quiet and report. Your posts are contrary to talk guidelines and you are being supremely unhelpful to a woman going through a distressing time.

Parsnipcake · 29/06/2014 16:53

I think you have to make your own decision, but if you have access to a Sexual assault referral centre ( probably in your nearest city), they can take evidence from you, your underwear, his sofa etc and store it until you make a decision on whether to report him. This would put you in control, without having to go through the formality of a statement right now.
Keep your underwear, don't shower and keep any loo roll you use - it can all have DNA.

Take care of yourself - it's upto you what you do, but he is a criminal.

Parsnipcake · 29/06/2014 16:59

www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Rape-and-sexual-assault-referral-centres/LocationSearch/364

Will help you find a SARC

They are very supportive. You can call them and they won't pressure you

isittheweekendyet · 29/06/2014 17:07

I so hope you have called the police and reported him, op.

I have a daughter and despair of her living in a world where men can assault women and get away with it

I have a son and despair of him living in a world where men feel they can assault women and get away with it.

Do the right thing and report him for his vile behaviour.

CaptainSinker · 29/06/2014 19:01

Hope you are OK OP, and being kind to yourself.
Take care x

Redglitter · 29/06/2014 21:16

Please report it. What a bastard. Who knows if he's done this before, he may be banking on your loyalty to your friend but as someone else said your friendships destroyed now. Please don't let him get away with it, who knows what he's capable of, or what he might do to someone else

What a horrible thing to have happened and what a horrible situation you're in. If you don't want to report it please do talk to someone about it

Original poster
JustDontWantToSay · 29/06/2014 23:36

I didn't go to the police. I left without seeing him and tonight I phoned my friend and told her. She was stunned and grateful.
And then I drove straight to my parents in Herefordshire.

OP posts:
makingdoo · 29/06/2014 23:39

Well done for telling your friend OP. It must've been difficult but she really needs to know.

He is vile and you should consider the police as he has assaulted you.

How did your friend react?

Justfuckitupagain · 29/06/2014 23:40

Oh sweetheart (((((hugs))))) Sad

How are you feeling? X

scotchtikidoll · 29/06/2014 23:47

mwah you are a cunt.

Hope you are ok OP

TheReluctantCountess · 29/06/2014 23:53

It must have been hard to tell your friend, but she deserved, no, needs, to know.

Mrsrochesterscat · 30/06/2014 00:00

just I am so sorry this has happened to you. I am sorry to ask, is it possible he could have done more? I wonder if you should get an sexual health check and if you need to think about whether you might need the mornin after pill?

I am sending you such big hugs

ThatVikRinA22 · 30/06/2014 00:06

hi op.
you have done the hardest thing imo in telling your friend. hte police after this would be easy....

its a sexual assault. he has digitally penetrated you. its a crime. if you want to report it then do not feel guilt and dont think you cannot.
you can.

it is not your fault and you should not feel responsible in any way - please do consider reporting to police. they will be sympathetic, you would hopefully see somone with specialist training. you would be video interviewed to spare you court....
most forces have a specialist dept for sexual assualts.

please consider very carefully reporting him - i think you really should.
im a cop - if you want to talk to me then pm me by all means. i will help if i can.
x

FanFuckingTastic · 30/06/2014 00:06

A man like this has probably done similar before, perhaps even to his wife. I think I would want to press charges and if that destroyed my friendship it would have to because I'd prefer an opportunistic rapist like that to go to hell, never mind prison.

It's happened to me, you are not alone, make sure you get some emotional support because its an awful thing to have to deal with. I was very young when it happened and too scared to report it as well. I was drunk and trying to sleep it off. If I could repeat the past, I would report it.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 30/06/2014 00:07

God OP I can't begin to imagine how shit you must feel but I'm glad you told your friend, I think she needed to know the truth and I'm so glad she believed you. Hope you're feeling better. Thanks

LiberalLibertines · 30/06/2014 00:15

Oh op, I'm so sorry you've been through such a horrible experience.

And a massive well done for telling your poor friend, that must have been tough. I wonder if other things will fall into place for her regarding possible other situations, now that you have told her.

Have a Brew and Flowers take care of yourself, we will be here when you need to talk.

tribpot · 30/06/2014 07:13

Well done for telling your friend. I hope you get some TLC with your parents.

notapizzaeater · 30/06/2014 08:34

Hope you're doing ok and your parents are taking care of you, remember you haven't done anything wrong ! Xx

Original poster
JustDontWantToSay · 30/06/2014 11:21

Thank you everyone. I'm feeling dreadful today but not only because of this.

I feel so stupid to write the following, but here goes.......
Back in September the same friend and I had been to a birthday party and I was staying at her house. Again, we had been drinking - but not stupidly. I suppose over the evening I might have had 5/6 glasses of wine. When I woke up the next day my pyjamas were off, but underwear on and the weirdest thing was that I felt like I'd had sex - but I knew I hadn't! There was absolutely nothing to make me suspect assault at the time - I thought I was imagining things. But now it puts that into a very different picture. I can't bear to think about what I now strongly suspect to be actual rape. I just can't. I trusted this man!!
I feel so bad for my friend though. She doesn't deserve this. I hope now she knows he will take that as a sign that I won't just stay quiet and he will be too scared to attempt anything like that in the future. To anyone. I remember him trying to sneakily undo my bikini in a hot tub years and years ago (there were loads of people in there). I thought it was a mistake, that he couldn't have meant to but it seems I was wrong.
I really am feeling so low today :( Worryingly low. Can someone please tell me that it won't always be like this?! Because just at the moment it feels like I've lost absolutely everything.

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 30/06/2014 11:26

Oh, JustDontWantToSay, I hate this fucking prick for making you feel this way. I don't know what to suggest, but others who have been through similar will hopefully be along soon to help you.

Have you decided not to report him? Is there a chance that telling someone in authority (not necessarily the police) might help you with your burden. Perhaps Rape Crisis?

tribpot · 30/06/2014 11:39

I don't think you can assume that telling his wife will be enough to stop this person. I would imagine by now he's half way to convincing her it never happened.

Can you speak to Rape Crisis as Annie suggests? You need some support for yourself as a victim of a crime.

LiberalLibertines · 30/06/2014 12:21

I wonder if he's put something in your drink you know, this time and possibly the time you woke with no pyjamas on.

Oh love,I know this must be so hard, but really do think you need to report this,I can't see what's happened being enough to stop him.

You need some counselling regardless, what about talking to someone on the phone? Could you manage that? Rape crisis maybe?

X

Stickaflakeinit · 30/06/2014 12:32

This is so sickening to read. What a horrible creep he is. You haven't done anything wrong. He sounds dangerous. Have you decided against reporting? Do you know that you can report this to the police but not press charges, if you wanted to? They can keep it on file. You could report the historical incidents, too.