Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

A horrible, horrible thing happened****warning, potential trigger****

249 replies

JustDontWantToSay · 29/06/2014 09:14

I'm going to keep this as vague as possible because I don't want my friend to find out.
Last night I stayed with my friend and her husband - known them a long time, stayed many times before.
We went out for dinner, we'd all been drinking (not silly amounts) and then we sat down to watch a film. I fell asleep during the film and when I woke up my friend had gone to bed and her husband had changed the channel to soft core porn and had his fingers inside me. I immediately pushed him away but he was resistant and when I managed to scramble away he started a conversation about the porn! I was so utterly shocked that I just left the room immediately and went to bed.
I've now woken up, I'm still here, WWYD??

OP posts:
KarlWrenbury · 29/06/2014 09:47

of course she can leave

She just walks out - I dont think you need to worry about social niceities

lunar1 · 29/06/2014 09:47

I would do exactly as anon said.

MrsWolowitz · 29/06/2014 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
JustDontWantToSay · 29/06/2014 09:50

I promise you I'm not a troll. I am getting out of here now.

OP posts:
FlankShaftMcWap · 29/06/2014 09:50

She needs to be able to leave without having to confront this dickhead head on. He knows full well what he did. His filthy little mind has been busy all night figuring out how to get him out of this, the instant he sets eyes on the OP the manipulation will begin. Of her and of his wife.

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 29/06/2014 09:51

I can't believe the rudeness of some posters! Lots of women have turned to mumsnet after being assaulted, why is this op being singled out?

I hope you're ok op, keep posting if it helps x

notapizzaeater · 29/06/2014 09:51

I'd have to report it - if he can do that to you what else can he do ? As a partner I'd want to know if my "d" he did anything like that

CaptainSinker · 29/06/2014 09:52

OP sometimes the truth of this stuff is so horrible it easier for people to think it is made up. Look at all the people who believe you here. Take care.

MrsWolowitz · 29/06/2014 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maria33 · 29/06/2014 09:54

You are not protecting your friend by staying quiet, you are protecting him.

This is a violent assault. Treat it as you would any other form of assault. Right now you, understandably, don't want to face what happened. A year from now you will be furious and in a much weaker position.

Reporting this is supportive of your friend, even though she may not see it that way.

Go home, phone a rape crisis number and a RL friend.

Don't shower until you've spoken to the rape crisis number. Sad

So sorry.

Thanks
FuturePerfect · 29/06/2014 09:56

You have asked for help from us.

You can ask for help from the Police.

The difference is they are experts here and will tell you exactly what to do.

Please call them.

tribpot · 29/06/2014 09:58

it's going to be my word against his - he could easily say that I've made it up or consented.

Not if there's evidence - which there may be. And in any case, your word is worth as much as his. I would lay odds you aren't the first person he's done this to, and he will keep doing it unless he is sanctioned.

Hope you are in a place of safety soon, OP.

MysweetAudrina · 29/06/2014 09:59

Are you sure you are ok to drive if you have been drinking?

Justfuckitupagain · 29/06/2014 10:02

As other posters have said, sadly the friendship is likely to be over regardless of whether you report him or not. And unfortunately, as others have said, the only person you would be protecting is him.

I hope you're home safely by the time you read this.

Get as much support as you can. Don't shower etc (I'm sure you will want to Sad ) and please, please report him.

This is not your fault. If you report him, yes your friend will be upset on finding out - of course she will be. But the point is that he is the one to cause the upset, not you.

RahRahRasputin · 29/06/2014 10:06

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you are safe now.

If you can bear it, please consider contacting the police. Without wishing to be personal, if you haven't yet showered/washed there may be some evidence of the assault? Also they should have trained officers to talk you through it. If you really don't want to involve the police, you could speak to your GP who should be able to recommend some counselling if you think that might help.

It may not be the first time he has done this, and he may do it again.

I hope you make the right decision for you Flowers

differentnameforthis · 29/06/2014 10:13

you have time to post on mumsnet? Really? Not needed on this thread.

AnotherStitchInTime · 29/06/2014 10:30

So sorry this has happened to you.

Go straight to the Police (they have specialist officers that can talk with you) without talking to friend or husband, just act as normal as possible when leaving.

The Police may be able to recover evidence from him and/or you if you act quickly. Also they may be able to recover information about his viewing history which ties in with your story.

WellWhoKnew · 29/06/2014 10:38

Don't bath. Go to the police if you feel strong enough.

This is not about a friendship. This is about stopping a man sexually abusing women.

This woman may be a wonderful friend, but she is married to the most destructive of men. I doubt you can hold on to your friendship knowing what you know, anyway.

Take care, love.

Stickaflakeinit · 29/06/2014 10:44

Please think about going to the the police today.

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine many years ago. She was asleep on the sofa at her friend's house and woke to find friend's husband had undressed her bottom half and had his fingers inside her. She didnt report or tell her friend (the wife). Guess what? He did it again, to another friend of his wife's. Only this time he drugged her drink and raped her.

You are only protecting this man by keeping silent. You aren't protecting your friend, who is married to a sexual predator and doesnt know it.

AlpacaYourThings · 29/06/2014 10:49

Please get out of there, OP.

Go to the police if you feel like you can.

it must be horrific for you.

ICanHearYou · 29/06/2014 10:54

Nasty barstard. I don't know how you can preserve this friendship, you can't pretend to be someones friend knowing that her husband is like this, you will have to tell her or never see either or them again.

What if he does it to someone else, someone more vulnerable in future?

You have to act, OP.

kinkyfuckery · 29/06/2014 10:59

Have you left yet OP?

HecatePropylaea · 29/06/2014 11:05

with the best will in the world, the friendship is over no matter what you choose to do.

How will you ever be able to be in the company of this woman again without thinking about what her husband did to you? How will you be able to socialise with her and therefore him?

Just get out of there and think about what you want to do. Don't take a wash or anything right now, just think for a bit about whether you want to go to the police first.

I am sorry that he has done this to you. Not one bit of it is your fault and it is not your responsibility to protect your friend from the knowledge that her husband assaulted you. Whatever you choose to do, do what is right for you.

Justfuckitupagain · 29/06/2014 11:30

Op are you home yet?

Please love, if you have a chance, please let us know that you're home and safe?

AnnieLobeseder · 29/06/2014 11:36

OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you. What an awful betrayal of friendship and trust from this utter shit of a man.

I would agree with those who say you should report it to the police. And that if you do nothing, you are not protecting your friend, you are only protecting a sexual predator and allowing him to attack again in future.

Be kind to yourself, and to your friend - report him.