I am swinger AMA

[AMA097155]

As the title says really. I think there's a lot of misconceptions about my/our choices so I'd thought I'd post.

I am what some term a 'hotwife', although that word gives me the ick.

(A hotwife in the swinging and consensual non-monogamy community is a married or committed woman who has sex with other men with the full knowledge, consent, and active encouragement of her husband)

I have sex with people other than my husband, a a friend with benefits whom I'd seen for a over a year, and friends all within the swinging world.

My husband joins socially and for things like a party but isn't so keen on meeting women solo. We've also jointly attended a club, but the dynamic wasn't for us.

If you have any questions, ask away.

Is your husband just doing this just to keep you/keep you happy? In my experience there is always one more keen than the other and the keen one ends up falling in love with someone else and pushing the non keen partner into despair, with their boundaries being gradually pushed beyond the original agreement. It sounds like your scenario is just like this.

Do you have pampas grass in your front garden?

@summitfever hi, no, we've done this for about 9 years now... And no, never found love elsewhere!

Are you Jaqueline from Benidorm.

@Viviennemary I'm mid 30s so no.

Were you or your DH the instigator?

Is this what you want or what he wants - or both?

Does your husband satisfy you by himself?

What do you think you are getting out of this really?

@MrsPapillon it was mutual, at first merely a fantasy conversation then we tried it out. The rest is history.

Do your friends/family know this is part of your lives?

Ok thanks.

@seanconneryseyebrow

Is this what you want or what he wants - or both?

Both. There have been times in my life I've said let's take a step back and he has equally said it too, because of XYZ , and we did. No issue. The most important thing in this is being completely open and having conversations about how things are/how we feel about something. Trust is massively important and without trust, it's impossible... for example, sometimes something becomes a boundary that you weren't previously aware of it being .. then that's spoken about etc.

Does your husband satisfy you by himself?
Yes.

What do you think you are getting out of this really?

I get a lot out of it.
I enjoy the community, I enjoy the freedom (from normal/vanilla life), I enjoy the feeling of belonging, I enjoy that it's (mostly) non judgemental, I enjoy that it's something that's just ours (me and my husband)

@Jellybunny98 my best friend knows IRL. And 1 friend of my husbands. No family.

I think there's a lot of misconceptions

my only thought is…. Gross

No misconception there I’m afraid

I enjoy that it's something that's just ours (me and my husband)

this made me chuckle

Do you have kids?

@Atriangleabout I'm glad you know it's not for you :)

@Arlanymor yes. And because of that we don't host at home, even when they're away.
Although I know couples that do.

What about STDs?

Why do you do this?

@arethereanyleftatall we always use suitable protection and we both get tested regularly anyway, nhs sends kits in the post.

@inerja I think my answers above will answer that question:)

how does it work - do you just straight swap partners with another couple?

How old are you and your husband?

How do you have the energy for this, and why not monetise it? Seems the sensible route rather than giving it away for free.

Are you concerned about how your children might feel if they find out, something that's very likely in the future? I could see that being deeply destabilising, making them realise that their perception of their parents' marriage was a lie.

Why does your husband not want to have sex with other women? And in that vein, why do you want to have sex with other men?

What misconceptions do you think people have?

I’m guessing… you’re in your 50s?

So you have sex with other men - with and without your husband there. And he doesnt have sex with anyone but you. Is that correct?