I am swinger AMA

[AMA097155]

As the title says really. I think there's a lot of misconceptions about my/our choices so I'd thought I'd post.

I am what some term a 'hotwife', although that word gives me the ick.

(A hotwife in the swinging and consensual non-monogamy community is a married or committed woman who has sex with other men with the full knowledge, consent, and active encouragement of her husband)

I have sex with people other than my husband, a a friend with benefits whom I'd seen for a over a year, and friends all within the swinging world.

My husband joins socially and for things like a party but isn't so keen on meeting women solo. We've also jointly attended a club, but the dynamic wasn't for us.

If you have any questions, ask away.

Are you someone who just doesn't feel jealousy?

Do you ever get rejected by a potential partner, or is it easy to refuse partners? How does it all work and how do you pick who goes with who?

If you aren’t being pressured into it and it works for you both then great in my opinion!
You’ll get a lot of judgement on here but people feel threatened by anything outside the norm.

Do you work full time? Do you have children?
Do you have any other hobbies?

Perhaps in your lifestyle it's best not to!

No judgement from me I just can't understand where people would find the time and energy !

Still waiting for the answer re the Pampas Grass 😃
Have you ever met anyone at a party that you know eg kids headteacher/your dentist/neighbour?

@seanconneryseyebrow I think what you're struggling to get your head around is that sex doesn't equal love. And you can care for someone, have sex with them, even do it often, they can even become important to you but you don't want the arrangement to change. Both can be true. Just because say I have sex with my FWB and I enjoy his company, it doesn't then mean I want to start a life with him and wake up with him every day.
The other thing is that we (DH and I) experience a lot of things together. As a couple, for example a swinging club, that's something we shared together and it was certainly an experience.. we laugh about it. It's good fun. And then I can still experience the mundane, lovely bits with him.. with my person.

I don't mind your question. I'd query why an orgasm means sex was successful/good? Why is an orgasm the main goal?
Sex the first time with someone is always a bit hit and miss. Doesn't mean the sex was bad. I often find being quite forward and what I do or don't like helpful. Direct. Honest. And i wonder if that's easier because of the situation I am in, most swingers are very open sexually. I don't think I could be say on a hypothetical first date for example.

How do you screen the men? This was something I tried with a previous partner and the sheer volume of pushy men really put me off. We also had a couple of meets where the men wouldn't make eye contact. In the end, I found the reality off putting and I didn't want to take it further.
Do you have 'regular' partners or do you prefer new? Which of you chooses who you see?

They have special swinger's kits?

Do you have children/ do you want them?

How often do you “swing”?

I just don't see the point of being married in this situation. What about your marriage vows? Why not just live with him but have sex with loads of randoms too if that's what you want.

Forgive me if I miss any, suddenly lots of questions at once!

@seanconneryseyebrow I think everyone can experience jealousy? I do think though that often people term things as jealousy when it may not be.. it is information however that usually a boundary has been crossed or an insecurity about myself/my husband etc. hence the conversations.. how'd you feel about this etc

@Banoffeepie29 no, I have rejected people. But it's not rejection.. it's more, you don't float my boat. Good luck finding someone for you. It's always quite pleasant. I chat to people I think I'll get on with and vice versa. We meet at parties, or get togethers which is much easier than online. I have in the past met someone socially and they've told me they are actually married but wife unaware, and then yes I rejected that person. I won't sleep with cheaters.

@KatyaKanani you do inform them of your lifestyle, so yeah.. swinger is a box you can tick. So you can get complete testing. You're welcome to call it a swinger kit if you like :)

How many times a week do you have sex, on average?

Why are you ignoring the question about having children ?

She did answer!

🤢

@KatyaKanani I've already answered that previously. Yes. We do.
Sex per week? It waxes and wanes, sometimes 3 times a week, sometimes once... Just like any other couple!

@Atriangleabout whenever we like I guess. Can be once a month to three times... But if you consider purely social things (drinks/coffee/night out) than maybe more.

A 'hotwife'? You mean like a hotdesk at work - where anybody is free to help themselves to it and use it whenever they want, as long as nobody else is currently using it; and if somebody is using it, you just have to look around until you find another available one to grab instead?

Call me unromantic, but as a human being and not a generic piece of office furniture, I'd pass on that, thanks.

Have you reached the top and had to stop and that's what's bothering you.

@HauntedBungalow sorry, I don't understand your question?

Are you worried About STIS?

Why???

Where do you go to do this (parties, dogging etc)?

Have you ever involved any of your actual friends?