I am swinger AMA

[AMA097155]

As the title says really. I think there's a lot of misconceptions about my/our choices so I'd thought I'd post.

I am what some term a 'hotwife', although that word gives me the ick.

(A hotwife in the swinging and consensual non-monogamy community is a married or committed woman who has sex with other men with the full knowledge, consent, and active encouragement of her husband)

I have sex with people other than my husband, a a friend with benefits whom I'd seen for a over a year, and friends all within the swinging world.

My husband joins socially and for things like a party but isn't so keen on meeting women solo. We've also jointly attended a club, but the dynamic wasn't for us.

If you have any questions, ask away.

Do you wish he would have sex with other women? Would that arouse you?

What do you find sexy about it? Is it your husband watching you that does it for you?

Hi all

No I am mid 30s. Husband is early 40s.

@byedriver

Why not make money from it? Because I am not for sale...?

@OtterlyAstounding no I wouldn't say it's a concern of mine. For example I am not making commercial content and I never would, I am having consensual sex with someone else, yes but... I love my husband and we have a different dynamic to other couples, yes. But the trust, love and sharing of life, marriage...is still there/valid. I think a big thing people don't quite understand is that in order to swing (in this way) you have to have a solid marriage, you have to be secure entirely and be able to have (what some would consider) difficult conversations.
For the sex part, it's more than my husband wouldn't want to go solo, prefers couples/where I am present. No particular reason other than that's his preference.

Sorry if I've missed anything!

Mid thirties…. 😞

How long have you been with your husband?

@seanconneryseyebrow hi sorry I missed this.
No, that's not correct. My husband isn't happy with the idea of him going out alone and meeting someone. He can if he wanted, he can and does have sex with other people but what I meant was he is much more comfortable with a couple etc. meeting people together at a party.. etc I hope that's more clear. I on the other end am comfortable going out and meeting someone 1-1 if we get on well.

To your other questions, yes I do. And yes at times my husband watches me with other people.

@Atriangleabout we've been together over 10 years

And you’re doing this already, together 10 years and only in your thirties.. What will you be doing in two decades time I wonder?!

@Atriangleabout probably swinging holidays!

I’m thinking dungeons

To me it’s not really a marriage is it. All odds and sods of randoms involved. 🤢

Give this a listen:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p0nqywd0?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

Appreciate your situation is very different.
It's a sober listen

Do you think you do this because you want the approval of men because you have low self esteem?

Do you actually physically fancy every person you sleep with?

@Atriangleabout. Er why in her 50s? Is the what you imagine us poor sad old fuckers are filling our time with?

Calm down. The demographic of swingers I would bet a LOT is 50s. You can get all frothy about it but there we go!

@Yesitsweird no, why would I need mens approval? For what purpose? I don't need their approval or validation, I am perfectly valid in my own right. And I am happily married, not looking for a new husband.

@clopertyclop yes, physically or mentally. Why would I be intimate with them otherwise? As I said before, it's completely consensual, I don't HAVE to do anything. Just say no, you're not for me thanks. People are generally very respectful and prefer it if you're up front. I always meet someone socially first, so I can get to know them a bit before any other kind of meet up.

I enjoy that it's something that's just ours (me and my husband)

I honestly can't decide if you are being ironic.

Congratulations on finding something that works for both you and your husband. I'm sorry you're getting so many judgemental people on your post... different folks different strokes...prob more literally in your case haha. You do you!

@UnwantedOpinionBelow thank you! It's okay, I expected it haha

Do you try and find lovers with the same name as your husband to keep things simple if you say it in bed?

@didntlikeanyofthesuggestions I don't know anyone who calls people by name in bed... 😆 Thanks for the constructive and thoughtful question though

What is your favourite chocolate biscuit?

Hob knob knob?

Do you think that maybe, just maybe, your husband and you aren't actually each others person, and thats why you are opening it up because of this? I think if you were it for one another then you wouldn't even be capable of doing this - let alone want to. I wonder if you have considered that possibility.

Sorry to be crass, but maybe you are just easier to satisfy than me, but I know how hard it is to find someone who I fancy, I like being with, I love and respect AND who satisfies me and vice versa sexually. All the stars have to align on that one and its incredibly hard to find. In my slutty days post-divorce I had a lot of ONS and they were just so unsatisfying. I rarely orgasmed and most of the time just finished myself off when they left. It takes a bit of time and effort for a partner to do it for me, so how can all these men - randoms - be easily satisfying you? Are you just really orgasmic or something?

Sorry if that is a bit personal. I just think the vast majority of sex with randoms is utterly crap so I always wondered how these things are even fun for women.

A friend of mine is a swinger and has been for years , she recently lost her husband .I admire her freedom and non judgemental attitude to it all . If it works for you good for you , no one else's business really
She is very interesting to talk to and has a great attitude