I am swinger AMA

[AMA097155]

As the title says really. I think there's a lot of misconceptions about my/our choices so I'd thought I'd post.

I am what some term a 'hotwife', although that word gives me the ick.

(A hotwife in the swinging and consensual non-monogamy community is a married or committed woman who has sex with other men with the full knowledge, consent, and active encouragement of her husband)

I have sex with people other than my husband, a a friend with benefits whom I'd seen for a over a year, and friends all within the swinging world.

My husband joins socially and for things like a party but isn't so keen on meeting women solo. We've also jointly attended a club, but the dynamic wasn't for us.

If you have any questions, ask away.

Yes, they really do - I think maybe she does struggle with intimacy.

Oh come on. If you had a solid marriage you wouldn’t be out shagging other men and he wouldn’t want to see you with other men. He’s keeping you happy. Don’t dress it up as something it isn’t. It’s about seeking validation from other men. Saying you are not like other couples doesn’t make you special trust me. I had a partner (briefly) who wanted to ‘whore me out’ I said no, did some research and it’s absolutely sordid. Dressed up as fun with socials and friends when the reality is you a just a thing being used by others. Male or female. A thing! If you are happy then go for it but don’t make out it’s something special. For anyone remotely curious just have a look a Fabswingers. Jesus it’s vile and I’m as kinky as they come!

So many judgemental comments on here. Lots of people do this because they want to, even with great self esteem, a good relationship and no abuse or coercion 🙄

OP, I have 2 questions - how do you make this safe with men you don’t know? And do you tell your husband that you’re meeting someone/ details of what you did or is that not part of it?

As I said a few posts ago I got randomly chatting to someone on twitter who was on that site. He was a solicitor. Its obviously anon as he had videos of him shagging on there. He had male hook ups. Female hook ups. Said that he went to parties where 16 people were at it at a time.

If I loved casual sex with randoms, I would absolutely make it my job. And it wouldn't be a horrible way to make money for me, because it would also be something I loved.

You have a woman here who enjoys swinging. Not a stretch is it to consider there are also women who enjoy sex work and don't find it horrible.

I personally don't think there's anything wrong with people passing judgement. People pass judgement on all sorts of threads on this site

Yes there are but there are women who sex work for other reasons

I disagree. I don't think people who do this are emotionally healthy in their relationships. They usually struggle with emotional intimacy and swinging dilutes that.
And a year into marriage is pretty gobsmacking.

Generally because they need money for addiction or survival.

These threads always start with the poster trying to make it seem like a really cool alternative hobby on the background of a super successful marriage with the OP being just so so desirable to men ('hotwife') that she just fell into it at the adoring request of admirers, and just wants to answer questions and clear up misunderstandings about the lifestyle...

Then it usually comes out that the marriage isn't in a good way, one partner is less happy about it than the other. The OP refuses to answer any questions about their background (I imagine because they come from trauma or another reason that means they want approval from men e.g father left) and try to make it seem not sordid at all, when it comes across as extremley sordid with the OP shagging the most repulsive men imaginable out of low self esteem or regard for themselves.

People will ask questions about it or express disgust, and a few people will be like 'Gosh what's with all the judgmental posts' then the OP will request it be deleted as it didn't give them the validation (oh wow you must be SO desirable to men) that they were looking for.

There was a tiktok reel doing the rounds a few years ago, that said something like: Funeral homes will try to employ women over men, as men will abuse the bodies. That's how low men's standards are, sleeping with lots of them is not an achievement!

So you don’t orgasm regularly? And you don’t see that as unsatisfying sex? I very very much do. I orgasm every time wirh my partner. Multiple times. If I wasn’t he and I would consider that a failure for sure. For me it’s essential for it to be good sex. Same for him. Only time it wouldn’t happen is if we were disturbed and cut short. Orgasms are the point - for us anyways.

also, as others have said, do you tend to be able to fancy a lot of people? Even with dating it was so hard for me to feel a spark. Even with conventionally good looking fellas where I was clearly punching - zero fanny gallops.

im kinda envious that you get get the horn so easily and that you can feel totally satisfied by the sex even if you don’t come!

maybe im weird but it wouldn’t work for me at all.

I also very much need my partner to loathe the idea of someone else touching me as I do. Fortunately he is like that. It’s a running joke that if someone starts flirting with me somewhere he materialises out of nowhere and starts glaring. I like that though. Makes me feel like ‘his’ - which I am. The thought of seeing him snog someone else letting alone fuck them in front of me makes me feel animalistic rage.

I do wonder if swingers are just wired differently OR they aren’t truly in love with their partners and when they are they do feel that intense jealousy like the rest of us.

im deeply in love and the thought of another man touching me is so gross. When I feel out of love with my ex DH I was looking at other men and thinking about it (never did it) so I know loved up me just couldn’t do it. It’s why I wonder how people have affairs and claim they love their wife/husband. Don’t buy it

Interesting AMA OP, thanks for being so open. Refreshing in a way that it works for you both, obviously it’s not for everyone but as seen from your post we’re all obvs interested 😅

Is it purely straight sex for you both or do you both swing same sex?

Yes I know that

I think the issue I have with it is that it smacks of I'm really cool. Ask me anything.

When will you tell your kids you do this?
How would you feel if you kids when teenagers/20s sleep around as much as you do?
Have you told your parents?

What if you get pregnant? Or he gets someone else pregnant?

This.
I am interested in the oP’s answers (even though she didn’t answer mine 😃)
The intimacy with my partner and what we share is particularly special as I didn’t have this with exh or other previous boyfriends.
The cuddling and sleeping entwined after orgasms really is the best heaven we can have in this life. And only with him.

@AMA097155 How do you feel about the BBC podcast into Fab Swingers?

Hi - excellent timing OP. My DH and I are attending our first swingers event friday. We've been polly for ages. My question is: what is the right way to approach another couple, or more difficult one person in the couple??

That's all fair enough for you. But for most other people including OP, prostitution has no appeal.

Why on earth would anyone discuss their sex life with their children or their parents !!!??

You say you have sex with other people , by that I presume you are bi and have sex with women as well ? Does your husband like to watch when you have sex with men and women or are you fulfilling his fantasy by just wanting to see you with women ?

Do you save a certain sex act for just your husband or do you do everything you do with him with others ?

Most is a bit of a stretch. Lots of people do sex work

Are you the same person who starts all the other threads ?