I am swinger AMA

[AMA097155]

As the title says really. I think there's a lot of misconceptions about my/our choices so I'd thought I'd post.

I am what some term a 'hotwife', although that word gives me the ick.

(A hotwife in the swinging and consensual non-monogamy community is a married or committed woman who has sex with other men with the full knowledge, consent, and active encouragement of her husband)

I have sex with people other than my husband, a a friend with benefits whom I'd seen for a over a year, and friends all within the swinging world.

My husband joins socially and for things like a party but isn't so keen on meeting women solo. We've also jointly attended a club, but the dynamic wasn't for us.

If you have any questions, ask away.

I never said orgasm was the 'be all and end all', if you've read my posts. Harmed? Maybe not, but I do think you're perpetuating harmful stereotypes, so I pointed that out. This is a discussion forum, and as I disagree with you, I've stated my disagreement and the reasons for it. I'm not sure why that's a surprise. But there we are.

Don't post to me again.

I was raped when I was 20. Some women might have difficulty experiencing orgasm due to past sexual abuse.

I've also been raped, as well as suffering CSA. That doesn't mean that women should be told to not expect to orgasm during sex, as a matter of course. Women should be encouraged to centre their pleasure, and to expect to orgasm if that's what enhances the experience for them. Their partner should be capable of eagerly providing that, with assistance if need be.

Anyway, you've said not to post to you again, so I won't respond in future.

😂

I've explained why I didn't explain myself well and with respect I'm not going to be hammered for it on here indefinitely. I didn't tell ANYONE not to expect an orgasm. I don't walk up and down the street with a placard saying don't except an orgasm during sex Cheryl. Its a thread on a message board with around three people posting. No one is going to be harmed by my earlier post

I guess you have plenty of experience but how can you be sure you are not sleeping with 'cheaters'?

Do you ever come across an individual who you feel really hasn't got their heart set in it and is only going along to please their partner?

Or even worse, they were threatened or abused into doing so? If you did, what would happen?

Obviously I'm sure you'd not want to do stuff with them. But just the possibility of that to me would be really concerning.

Do you feel addicted to the lifestyle? If for some reason you could never swing again do you think you could still enjoy regular sex?

If DH decided he wanted to quit would you want to split/convince him to continue swinging?

Thank you. I hope I don't sound judgemental.

I did seem odd, in that from what I've read most men buying sex seek out women in their 20s and 30s and it's harder for women in their 50s to find clients. Op also said they weren't fetishising her age, she just had no problem getting clients.

It could be genuine but I can see why you thought it wasn't, I had doubts myself.

Yes, I questioned that too but you've explained you didn't mean that. It's really easy to type the wrong word, especially if under stress- I often mistype.

Thank you. I've been hung out to dry over this but as I've said I didn't explain what I meant well. What I actually meant to say was that men are biologically programmed to orgasm and it can be harder for women. No more than that. I'm not trying to deny women orgasms. I've not even had sex in ten years (that's an admission). (I'm single for context ).

Some women can orgasm easily. I never could. It is what it is really

@OtterlyAstounding is expressing what I was trying to say but far more articulately.
What we are saying (I think she may agree - I could be wrong) is:

• we know many women find it harder to orgasm than men.
• many women don't orgasm through PIV ever.
• we know some women don't orgasm at all.

HOWEVER, for the most part it should be expected that women achieve an orgasm and hopefully multiple during each sexual session (however that is achieved). Women's pleasure matters. Orgasms matter (to most of us). If a woman genuinely doesnt want or need an orgasm (as some have expressed here) to feel satisfied then fine, but for most of us it is something we should be expecting in every relationship. It should be normalised. How those orgasms are achieved is irrelevant, but for each sexual 'session' (for want of a better word), surely both the man and the woman should feel fully satisfied - which includes having all the orgasms you need to achieving that feeling. (eg for me its 4-7. The first is the main one, and the others are like ripples - but I need those extras to feel fully 'done').

It doesnt matter if it takes longer, is harder, - our sexual pleasure is important.

Yes we are all different, and all have different sexual needs and ways that make us feel pleasure. However, orgasm is a biological urge and need - its there for a reason - and like other posters I can't help but wonder that a lot of the 'I dont need it to be satisfied' brigade are genuinely getting their needs fully met.

I'm honestly past caring. I don't think it's up to complete strangers to tell me my needs weren't getting met if I had sex without having an orgasm every single time. If my sexual needs weren't getting met I would have sacked the relationship off completely.

I said 'most'. If your needs are getting met regardless good for you? Can you at least acknowledge the possibility that some women maybe aren't centreing their own pleasure as they should? That they would be better off having orgasms but they just have been socialised into seeing them as not important, too hard to achieve, too illusive? You may not be one of those people, but can you accept that some women may be?

I can't imagine any man saying they don't care if they have an orgasm when they have sex.

Maybe you should just mind your own business and stop trying to shame me.

I'm going to ask the mods to have a look at this thread. I made it clear that I used the wrong terminology and I'm not going to be followed about in those circumstances. Hth

Men's bodies are different.

You do know that?

Many men have issues not coming too fast rather than not at all!

Can we focus on the biology and not make this into some fake misogynist debate?

It's not a man v woman debate (in the way some posters are trying to make it.)

I swear I am honestly not trying to shame you or anyone.

I apologise as this is clearly bothering you. I don't understand the fixation you have on a word either. FWIW saying somebody 'should' or 'expect' is the same to me.

You said you didn't mean either. I dont think this discussion is that deep, and its really upsetting you, so Im sorry if I was part of that. Truly.

I know mens bodies are different. But once you learn how to orgasm it is possible to nearly always have an orgasm as a woman.

The truth is sex for a woman with a man who doesn't know what makes us orgasm, tends to be not that good. Good sex comes with time.

If a woman can’t make herself do it during sex, how can it be fair to blame the man for not making it happen? It doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault.

The thing is, for all those claiming it’s harmful to ‘not expect’ orgasms every time you have sex, I don’t see how saying you ‘should’ (or you’re missing out and it’s so very sad) is really much better.

Some women can’t, or would rather sort themselves out before/after. Less pressure, more results. Does it really matter?

I was called out on everything I said in previous posts. Do you actually understand that I was trying to say that men are programmed to orgasm and women aren't. That's all.

Yes I'm upset. I've already had to report someone for having a personal attack at me. I said this pages ago. My mum broke her back 6 weeks ago and when they did a scan they found out she might have cancer. She's already had cancer and it's been horrible. I am out of my mind with worry. I didn't say what I meant to say and folk jumped up to attack me.

All I was trying to say was that it was easier for men to orgasm than women. That's all. Nothing bigger than that.

Its fine. Im not on here to make enemies. Its just hard when people are picking you up and you've got other stuff going on. My mum might be terminally ill so I think I can be excused for using the wrong word. It wasn't intentional

If people have orgasms every time they have sex good on them. I'm not trying to diminish people's experiences. It just wasn't like that for me.

Some women do find it hard to orgasm and it isn't always because their partner doesn't on know what they are doing

My mum was in a relationship back in the day when battering your wife was just a domestic. He raped her. He tried to kill her and my brother twice. I bet she never had orgasms with him. Its complicated.

I've not been in a long term relationship for about 20 years. My last boyfriend only hit me a couple of times but he was mentally horrible. Cruel. It took me years to pluck up the courage to get rid of him. He never forced me into sex but by the end I couldn't stand the sight of him.

What I am trying to say is when women are in relationships with awful men. Orgasms are the last thing on your mind. Getting out is.

Socialisation has a lot to answer for! Men and women might be biologically different...but considering women are capable of being multiorgasmic that argument doesn't add up here. Without misogyny and patriarchy, I think the expectation would be that women have more orgasms, which are more important, while men get their one when we're good and ready