I married my late best friend's husband It wasn't planned or expected, AMA

[Elenarodriguez]

I know the title probably sounds wild, so I'll try to explain

My husband and I have actually known each other since high school. He was married to my best friend, who was also my childhood friend. The three of us had known each other for years, and she and I were incredibly close. Our families were close too, and I was basically an aunt to her kids

I got divorced about 10 years ago and have two kids. My husband had three kids with my best friend.

About six years ago, she passed away after a long illness. During the last part of her illness, I spent a lot of time with her and helping take care of the kids. After she passed, I stayed very close to her children and continued being there for them, just like I always had been

A few years later, my husband and I started developing feelings for each other. It wasn't something we planned or expected, and honest it was incredibly complicated emotionally........We dated for a few years before eventually deciding to get married

We've now been married for a while, and surprisingly, it's actually a really good marriage. Our kids are part of our family, and we've tried to handle everything with as much love and respect as possible

I still miss my best friend. I don't think marrying her husband somehow replaces her or changes what she meant to me. She will always be part of my life and the history of our family

I know some people will think what we did was wrong, while others may understand it

So... AMA

Would you have voted for Binface if you lived in Clacton?

What do all the kids make of it

What were the reactions like from your late best friend’s family members?

I don’t actually see a problem with this, it sounds like the best situation that could’ve come out of something so sad. If I died my husband would be lucky to marry my best friend and I would be happy knowing that my kids step mother was someone I love and trust.

The shared history, sadness and rebuilding is actually quite beautiful. I’m sure some people won’t like it but I think it’s surprisingly lovely.

There was a thread about a similar situation a couple of weeks ago, and it did not paint the OP in a good light.

Do your kids not find it awful or do they know? What does your ex husband think? I’d be thinking secretly ye were emotionally cheating at least

This doesn't seem to be an uncommon occurrence. If I were an outsider looking in I'd wonder a few things

*had there been an affair before his wife died
*had there been an emotional affair before his wife died
*was he too lazy to look any further than the end of his nose for a new spouse
*was he so grief stricken he had to marry someone who was as close to being his wife as he could get
*had the best friend been secretly yearning for him all these years

I wouldn't vocalise these things but I'd wonder...

Did you ever feel there was a vibe with him at any point before she got sick?

They knew me well and saw that their grandkids were happy, so they said okay

How old are your friends children now and what are their feelings about this?
What are the feelings of your friends family?
i think it is common and i know of 3 people this has happened to and in 2 cases it cause great pain and estrangement with the kids of the deceased and their remaining parent. In 1 case it worked out for everyone. The difference was the closeness of the friendship and the time lapse between death and the new relationship.
Im a widow and if i took up with my husbands best friend at any point,i cant see it ever being acceptable to my kids .

My husband was my friend too, so since they were little kids, he was on good terms with them.My bestie's kids were like siblings to them

At one point, we used to go on family outings before there was anything between me and my husband........So, my kids didn't feel bad instead, they were excited that everyone was going to live in the same home (they are in mid teen now)

There was no affair between us when my bestie was alive. There was no way I was going to cheat on her with her husband.
During her final days, I took care of his needs and the kids, and sometimes took all our kids outside. He used to cry in front of me a lot

After her death, he was in grief and leaned on me completely. For the first few months, we were just close.....but at one point, it became a physical relationship. We thought it was nothing at first, but we were in a relationship, and everything was fine

No

Was there any kind of a gap between her funeral and you getting together

Are you not concerned its more a grief bond rather then actual in love

Emotionally cheating? OP was divorced 10 years ago, her friend died 6 years ago, she started with feelings for her now DH a few years after her friends death. Why would her ex think she was emotionally cheating with that timeline?

My kids are 15 and 13, and his kids are the same age. We got married 4 years ago, so they were much younger then

My in-laws had no problem with it, and it was the same for my bestie's family.
I was a sweet aunt to my bestie's kids.

They liked me from the start. I loved them then and love them a lot now; there is no way I see them any differently from my own kids

My husband was a childhood friend and a cool uncle in my kids' lives, so they liked him. There was no bad reaction from the kids.

It's been 5 Year's!! There were a signs if it was a Grief Bond

do you feel survivor’s guilt?

You said after a few years in one post, and after a few months in another. Which is it? And if it’s a few months, are you the same poster that posted something mentioning else about marrying your best mates widow a week or two ago?

I think this may be a more common situation than people imagine. I know of one family where the best friend married the widower after a few years. Everyone, especially the kids, are happy.

it seems to be acquaintances who find it more problematic.

No questions from me but wishing you all the best.

Yes

Do you think getting married just 2 years after their mum died might have been a bit soon for the kids?

No, But Can you Add the Link of That post here....If Possible:)

What do you think your late friend would have thought about this?