I only felt relief when my DH died - I don't think that's terrible

[Fartooold]

Just wanted to start a thread about spouses who died, and why I don't think that is necessarily the worst thing that can happen to you.

Why? Ask away!

I haven't even name changed....🙄

Oh bugger, cocked up thread title😳

I'm sorry but this is one of the most tasteless posts I've ever read.

Maybe in the case of seeing someone you love die in a slow and painful way I could see that there was some sense of relief that they are no longer struggling?

Can you elaborate OP?

This is what I was thinking or in the case of my friend he’d been domestically violent for many years and his death was her escape.

I’m assuming OP means “relief that a protracted and distressing dying process was over” rather than “fistpump when you hear your spouse has been suddenly and tragically killed in a car accident”.

Really? I am so sorry. If more people feel the same, I will ask MN to delete.

I went through absolute hell for almost two years with DH, and yes, it was horrible when he died, but horrendous whilst he lived, near the end of life.

I di not think his death was the the worst thing that happened, his living in pain and despair was do much worse.

I honestly apologise for upsetting people, and will ask for this thread to be deleted.

Maybe they should have been more clear in their OP. The edit function is available.

@Fartooold i think perhaps some vital context was missing from your OP. On purpose? I can’t tell.

I'm very sorry for your loss and probably a bit sensitive. if you had mentioned all this in your OP it would have been different

Is it recent, OP?

You must still be coming to terms with everything 💕💕

There's nothing wrong with your thread OP. You probably should have just elaborated in your first post thassal for the more delicate amongst us.

It's understandable that his death after suffering die so long, brought you relief so that you could grieve and start living again instead of being in a nightmare limbo.

Im sorry, I've asked MN to delete this thread.

I'm sorry.

As your husband was so ill and distressed, it is quite natural for you to be relieved that he died and is no longer in pain.

You don't have to delete it.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I felt the same when my grandfather died. He was a very very intelligent, private man who had Alzheimer’s, no longer knew who the prime minister was (he had been very involved in politics in his younger years) and needed significant personal care from the staff in the care home where he lived.

Sorry but what a awful tasteless thing to say.

It's good he's no longer suffering, but there's other ways to say it than being so blunt.

Please don't delete - if you are still able to post, please do.

I'm in this position, and it's fucking terrifying.

Sometimes there is no nice way to frame trauma.

I know several people who have grieved their parents and partners while they have still been alive, when death comes it has been a relief that has meant that people all round have stopped suffering.

some diseases take people away from you long before they are dead.

I don't think you should get the thread deleted. It was pretty obvious (to most people) that you meant it was a relief due to being out of pain or suffering. Well at least that's how I read it.

I think it’s a good thread!

you don’t need to feel guilty because you felt that way. We always feel a huge amount of emotions when someone dies and that’s perfectly acceptable. My best friend died and I was 21 and he had suffered for many many years and his death released his suffering and I was happy for him

We’re here. Tell us about it xx

I wonder what it's like to live in a world where everything is so black and white. Where you sit in judgement on people, while knowing nothing about them.

OP, you don't need to delete or apologise.

Me too.

to OP.