@Fartooold I worked briefly in a hospice, doing spiritual advising, so often we handled the “bereavement before the bereavement,” which is what that sometimes protracted period often feels like (people are put on hospice when their diagnosis says they have less than 6 months, but some end up “staying” for two years).
But this is SO common, and we’d hear it from family members every single week, and in some weeks, every single day: that they were going through all the emotions that came with bereavement (pain, loss, heartache) already, ALONG with the feeling that they’d often wish their loved one’s (usually a husband, wife, mother, or father) unbearable pain would be over, AND a feeling of guilt over this feeling - which of course, we always tried to help them through. It’s impossible for someone who hasn’t lost another in such an intimate way to empathize with what you’re feeling, but there are a lot of good people out there who can sympathize (regardless of feeling language is “blunt,” or whatever - you share how you share, and people will support you).
I’m so sorry for the loss of your DH, for anyone else in this thread who has faced such a loss, or for anyone who is facing such a loss soon. Sadly the only way to get through it is through it, even though it hurts like hell.