I stayed with my DH after his long term affair.

[Fochit]

AMA.

Hoping this may help others 😊

Did you think about telling her DH?

Yes, and I should have.
I regret that because it would have been the right thing to do. However, at the time, self preservation was my priority. I thought of only me and my children.

Honestly, do you think if it was you who cheated on him for three years (sorry, but wtf) would he have forgiven/stayed with you?

Not a question, but my friend did the same as you, OP. They are still married 30 years on, and are happy.

And I understand what you're saying about being strong and stating your terms. That was exactly what she was like. Angry, tough, and determined that he was going to accept her terms and keep the family together.

Part of me couldn't understand it at the time, but I also admired her. And it didn't take long for me to see that it was working - for both of them.

I bet OW was very surprised he chose you over her when the push came to shove....I imagine he begged to stay?

So are you sustaining a fulfilling sex life with him? I reckon I could carry on the marriage after an affair but I suspect the sex would be shot to hell.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter

I don’t know and suspect he doesn’t know either. Who does until they’re actually in that situation? What he would do and what you would do is irrelevant anyway. This is about me.

Yes he begged to stay.

He often hugs me still and says thank you. He doesn’t say what for and I don’t ask but we both know.

I think you are an incredible woman. Prob much better than I could ever be in this situation

I wish you all the happiness, you deserve it

How did an affair go on for 3 years? How did he meet her without you knowing about it etc?

Kateplaysrugbyinmydreams
Yes we sustain a fulfilling sex life.

You can reckon and suspect all you like.
I would have said the same

It was when he was travelling on business.
The usual cliche. Work colleague

Sorry so many questions from me, keep thinking of more!
Did he say whether he felt guilty as it was ongoing? Whether he felt he had been mugging you off? Or was he one of those what they dont know doesnt hurt them people.

Thank you 84claire84

Did she have kids as well? These women are so scummy ffs.

Thanks for answering, fair enough, just wondered if you'd thought about it/asked him.

That’s ok gypsywater

He said he felt guilty. It was infrequent and he never thought I would find out.

She didn’t have children at the time but does now

Do they still work together?! :O

Strangely, it wasn’t until it all came to light that he saw it as an affair. He viewed them as infrequent, separate incidents.
I suspect she didn’t

No. But they still did for some time after.

Omg how did you handle that?! Wowsers.

Before anyone jumps on that it was totally my decision. I was pissed off he had fucked up our marriage, to fuck up his career as well would have totally sent me over the edge!

X-post.

That.
Also, not working together would have absolutely no bearing on whether the affair would continue or not.
They no longer travelled together though

Did you suffer from obsessive thoughts in the first year? Did you ever talk to her? What was helpful to you (other than the therapy you already mentioned)? Do you still talk to him about your anger and hurt, or has it receded at this point?

I am going through the same thing- one year into finding out about my husband's long-term, very serious, affair. We stayed together, and I am still struggling to come to terms with everything. I could use any helpful or supportive advice that anyone has...