I stayed with my DH after his long term affair.

[Fochit]

AMA.

Hoping this may help others 😊

Could you support yourself without him?

3 years is a long time to be shagging someone else with no feelings involved. Would he have 'lost' a lot financially in a divorce?

Have I not answered?

I’m sorry if I’ve missed some. I wasn’t expecting so many!

I’ve also had PMs!

This thread could be so useful but some people will always be sneery and unkind so it will become a bunfight imo.

Yes, I have money.

No financial incentive to stay.
That was irrelevant really.

What did you change to make your marriage suit you following the affair?

No OP, but I think there is something beneath this bravado. That betrayed angry heart-broken part of you which you’ve turned into armour. It’s pretty clear, even from your few posts.

What possible reason could you have to stay with someone that has treated you like shit other than money?

Other than something negative like low self esteem etc

Also, please tell whoever said this thread could be very useful.. how? Advice on how to brush awful stuff under the carpet and allow yourself to be trodden underfoot?

What did I change?

I focussed entirely on me and my own self improvement. I worked towards doing everything I ever wanted to do. My marriage went to ground level and was rebuilt on new terms.

Not a question, just finding your pragmatism refreshing. An affair doesn’t always need to end a marriage. I hope your way of being together now works well for you.

I thought AMA was supposed to be questions but the no is getting nothing but judgment.

This could be s useful thread yo some people but it's just turning nasty.

Whilst the OP hasn't chosen to do what most people may do in a simikar/sane situation it does not mean she deserves the abuse she's getting on here, no matter how It's dressed up as!

We all live our lives differently. Just because it's hard to get you head around someone's choices, it does not make them wrong for that person/people.

My question is Do you ever get angry with your husband because of this, now all this time on?

Are you truly happy still being married to a man who could deceive you, everyday, for so long?

Trodden underfoot?
No.

Certainly no brushing under the carpet!

Did you consider ending your marriage at any point before deciding not to? Can you say something about how the affair came to light, and what happened to lead to your decision?

I don’t think you’re pathetic. I know a couple of people who’ve made a similar decision.

Do you still enjoy sex with him?
If you're having a row do you ever want to bring it up?

Did you get tested for STDs and how do you feel about him putting you at risk of them?

Did you experience hysterical bonding?

I have known women who stayed, some regretted it, some did not. I have known women who left, some regretted it, some did not.

We can only deal with infidelity within our own relationship, everyone has different needs. OP you did what was best for you.

Tbh it does sound like you have taken back all the power...so good luck to you :) I bet the OW was fuming that she hasnt ended up with him tbh.

So a man fucked another woman for three years and just like that you forgave him. You may feel stronger now but if it ever happened again it would kill you, why set yourself up for that hurt. You don't even trust him so why stay? The mental torture alone would of made me walk away a long time ago.

Also, not another question but can you stop all judging the OP. It's weird, she's not doing anything to harm any of you is she? If she was the OW I'd get it a bit more but honestly why are you all having a go at her for making a personal choice in her life? Seems a bit fear projecty to me...

I don’t think anyone would know what they would do until it actually happened to them. Every relationship is different. Perhaps the OP has used this to turn her life and marriage around, like she says.

(Do I know you in real life, Fochit?)

It doesnt sound like she has forgiven him as such...but why should she make her life worse on the basis of his shitty behaviour? Shes looking out for number one. Fair enough I think. Dont know how one sleeps with a cheating partner tho, ick.

justwonderedI agree.

My question has become 'why do you think women are so threatened and accusatory about you staying in your marriage after an affair?'

I know people who have stayed, people who have left. I haven't noticed any massive difference in happiness, to be honest. Some have gone on to have very happy later lives for 30 odd years (one of my relatives).