I'm in A&E (and bored), AMA

[SimplySteve]

In A&E with abdominal pain, back pain, puking. It's busy here and I'm bored. AMA!

Apparently if they turn up at 8:30 it's late! Took your advice btw and went the loo now!

Trust me, I don't need any help finding exactly where it hurts!

Ye, first night in is the worst. They'll remove whatever it is. They love removing stuff. Lol. Bless them.

Ye, I think surgery starts about 8.30am so they do their rounds before that. As I said, they're like ninjas, in prod, OUCH, out.

Ye, but when you're in a lot of pain, the pain feels like it's all over. Dr. will ask, so where are you in pain? You reply, everywhere.
Dr. do you mind if I examine you?
You. No problem
Dr. Poke poke poke, OUCH!
Dr. Ok it's sepaoismpaoiubpoiasdhy, where's my next patient?
And off they flounce!

I hold no responsibility for kicking if they prod too hard. I know which consultant I'm under so have spent some time stalking him :( on the hospital webby!

Morning! Did you get any sleep?
Toddler woke me at 10, 1, 4, 5, 6 and up at 6.30.. as per usual. I don't check my phone in the night though or it makes the night seem longer.

Hope you get seen soon!

What's sleep?!

Should've asked him to whack you on the head a few more times, still be asleep now!

I'm too old to be awake through the night ;) ergo, the days of my kids being toddlers is long gone!

Lol, what are his credentials?

Last dude I was under who managed to actually bring me back to life from multiple organ failure was ex RAF. I had no idea who he was, but told him all about the children I had rescued from the sea

Surgeons are a bit OCD, so they do then to do the poking themselves.

Prepare to be poked! He'll be around in an hour. Lol

Let us know how it goes.

Are you due any pain relief or have you been given some to shut you up recently?

I found you could always spot the docs too. You had one tiny little man, and about 4 guys about 6'4" in skinny trousers. His entourage so to speak. The big guys listening intently to the tiny man as they scuttled along behind him.
It's sort of entertaining being in hospital if you've someone who's a bit of craic with you.
Me and ex used to do a David Attenborough style commentary on the lesser-spotted-doctor.

Not so good when you're in pain and you want to laugh, but it kept me amused and in the bed until they examined me.

Lol, what are his credentials?

@ABitCrapper 's toddler? He's a mean hit with a toy mop!

He's an upper-GI surgeon specialising in oesophageal cancel resection. I DO NOT HAVE FUCKING CANCER.

Multiple orgasm failure? Shit you've been through the wars. I had some Oramorph at 4, done nothing :(

Oh fuck off autocorrect

And here we have the reluctant patient.
This patient is often found attempting to flee the flock directly after a morphine dose.
This patient, will go to extraordinary lengths to appear normal. They will in fact, force their partner, to put some civilian clothes on them in order to camouflage themselves on their exit past the dangerous nurses station.
Upon discovery by a stealthy nurse, the reluctant patient will suggest that they needed some air. The stealthy nurse, will, of course, escort the reluctant patient back to their bed.
While the reluctant patient may appear to be compliant for the next few hours, she is in fact, plotting her next great escape. Do not be fooled by the apparent dormant phase of the reluctant patient.

I've had many a multiple orgasm failure hahaha

Well that's simply no good is it!

Changeover atm, hopefully not much longer to wait now.

Absolutely genuinely loling at "multiple orgasm failure"

My Toddler has credentials. He has certificates in Mass Destruction, General Mayhem, Advanced annoying of Siblings, and Extreme Car Seat Escaping.

The trick honey is to fall asleep. That's when they appear. Or, otherwise, while you're trying to have a cup of tea.

Do regale us of tales of the lesser spotted surgeons though. While your tea has gone cold.

No doctors and their crew of any description on ward yet.

I'm actually on an ENT ward it seems. They could've put me on dental and popped some implants in overnight. Well worth a massive complaint tbh, will ring local press, sky news and the daily mail.

First doctor (alone) just arrived on the ward!

The lone doctor is one that was probably summoned at 2am.

He is not the team.

In the absence of an update, I'm assuming you're in surgery lol.

No doc yet, just had a shower. Led to me falling on my arse...