Reflections on trans presence at a Dykes Who Hike event

You're welcome, I hope my comment helped.

I am far from incapable of holding more than one thought in my head. I just recognise a derailer when I see one.

Well no, they aren’t, but I can’t stop them calling themselves that, can I? And they are claiming they actually are women, as has been pointed out repeatedly.

I'll decide on the best use of my time, but thank you for your comment. Sorry if you're incapable of holding more than one thought in your mind at once.

"its a metaphor. Its not up to you or anyone else to police their language."

Cool. So trans women are women, yes?

“Trans Widows are women, (usually heterosexual) whose male partner or husband believes
that they have a gender identity other than “man” or who cross dresses, and who as a result
have either left, or wish to leave the relationship.
Women in this situation report feeling like their male partner has died. This is particularly the
case if their partner or husband decides to transition. The transformation is usually so
complete that their partner is unrecognisable as the man they married, both in looks and in
personality. The woman will be forbidden from calling her husband by his previous “dead
name”.
The term “Trans Widow” provides an analogy which helps women to describe and identify
their experience.”

its a metaphor. Its not up to you or anyone else to police their language.

Why don't you start a new thread telling them how wrong they are?

Would be a better use of your time than this frantic skipping from thread to thread snarking at people.

They are not widows. The rest doesn't matter. They claim to feel like their partners have died - they are talking shite. They have no idea what that feels like because they are not widows.

You mean golf widows, yes?

You can’t know what someone else’s pain is like. I am sorry for your loss but you cannot arbitrate on everyone else’s experiences and use your own grief to silence other people’s suffering.

They are not widows. The rest doesn't matter. They claim to feel like their partners have died - they are talking shite. They have no idea what that feels like because they are not widows.

If trans widows were demanding bereavement leave, filing in official forms as widows, being interviewed on tv as widows or attempting to claim inheritance of their husbands' estates, or indeed referring to themselves as actual widows in any way you would have a point and I would agree that is fucking outrageous.

But they aren't.

Trans women, by contrast, are claiming their use of the word woman makes them actual women, with all the same rights and access to women-only spaces, and taking women-only roles, and being interviewed as women. Simply because of an appropriated name.

See the difference?

You know nothing about me. I don't share personal details on FWR because there's some very dangerous angry men out there. But if I did share personal details, fuck me you'd be ashamed right now.

If you have lost a spouse, I am truly very sorry for your loss. But it doesn't give you the right to leverage that into shaming or silencing women dealing with their own pain, which may not include bereavement but may include the horror of the man they believed they married becoming their abuser.

Go complain at the women joking about being golf widows if you feel widowhood isn't taken seriously enough.

And noted that you are still dodging everything else I said. Because you know damn well you can't justify your position.

Women are half of humanity and I think we matter enough to at least have a fucking name!

So sorry the first woman to mention it reduced him to my 'partner'. He was my husband, the father to my children. I have no intention of being kind to women who use their trauma to co-opt something that isn't theirs. For a bunch of people who get so annoyed when trans women call themselves women - you'd think you could be consistent.

You can’t know what someone else’s pain is like. I am sorry for your loss but you cannot arbitrate on everyone else’s experiences and use your own grief to silence other people’s suffering.

It's not an appropriate one. They are not widows. Their pain and loss is not comparable.

It is a fucking metaphor.

Why don’t you read some of their testimonies? Instead of getting angry about a metaphorical use of a word they are using to express the depth of their pain and loss.

Pain and loss can take many forms, it is not a competition.

They are not widows. While they call themselves such - I really couldn't care less about them. They have not suffered the loss that is anything approaching what women like me and families like mine have suffered and how dare you suggest otherwise. It is incomparable.