How should feminism respond to growing blame and backlash from men?

This is not new, OP ...

Revealingly, the vast majority of anti-suffrage propaganda was about how terrible life would be for men after women got a vote. Women would be swanning around Parliament or relaxing with women friends while the men had to put in long days until midnight, doing the laundry, cooking and cleaning, caring for kids. The images show the men worn out, distressed and chaotic.

They don't seem to have realised their anti-woman propaganda was actually making the case that their expectations of women were unreasonable! There were also lots of postcards showing (ugly) suffragettes passing laws to make men marry them. The poor lambs were terrified of having to marry an independent woman who'd make him pull his weight at home.

Plus ça change ...

I agree OP, I took myself off Substack because the backlash was slowly destroying my faith in humanity. What I think you are saying is that there is a loud and constant buzz of men who think that the old times were good because women "knew their place", and that any problems we are now facing are a result of women who have fought for "equality". I think their logic goes "well you wanted equality and now you've got it and you still aren't happy and look where is got us". It's really flawed thinking of course, because for every gain we made they extracted more from us. A couple of examples that come to mind is women wanting more sexual freedom, and the capitalist response was (long-story-short) pornography and rape-culture. Women wanting to work for their own money after marriage, and the capitalist response was, well do it yourself with shitty childcare and also refusing to adopt a cultural change where fathers take on more family responsibility. So, when we say"hang on a second, that's not what we were asking for", they say "yes you were and look how you've f*cked everything up, stupid feminists". I think for every change we fought for they gave us the minimal viable product, and extracted what they could for their own gain, and now they blame us for the failure to really understand that we were trying to create a better world for everyone. Is that kinda what you mean?

I think the key to solving a lot of division in society is through reducing the gap between the rich and poor. When we arent in such dire competition for resources, we will have less anger and blame to misplace.

Those who try to engineer social division won't be as successful when the masses aren't in fear of meeting their basic needs. Rather than social leader or gurus, ordinary people like the Tates' will stand out as men in need of very specific resources to rehabilitate them.

There's been a backlash against feminism from the very moment a woman first said 'Excuse me, I'm not sure this is right...'.

Don't be fooled. The 'blame feminism for everything' school of propaganda is the same one that gave us the blame immigrants, black people, muslims, jews gays & trans people for everything. Culture wars are specifically designed by corporate/billionaire/power elites to distract us plebs from our class interests by fighting amongst ourselves while they raid our pockets & resources using their media ownership to clobber us over the head relentlessly with this con.

How do we fight it? Call it out for what it is & keep our eyes on the prize…our economic liberty.

Feminism grew largely as a result of war and then capitalism. They needed us to work to fuel production, growth and profit, and that meant women were becoming educated and independent. Many women worked hard to capitalise on these gains, and campaigned for things women need to become full members of society.

They want our physical, emotional and intellectual labour, but they want us to give those gladly with no rights nor giving men any additional work in the shape of “equality”.

yeah fuck that

This has been going on forever, there is a well know list of the Rules of Misogyny someone made

1. Women are responsible for what men do.
2. Women saying no to men is a hate crime.
3. Women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish.
4. Women’s opinions are violence against men, thus male violence against women is justified.
5. Women and Feminism must be useful to men or they are worthless.
6. Women who go around being female AT men by menstruating and breastfeeding babies deserve punishment.
7. Women should always be grateful to men for everything.
8. Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are.
9. Men always know the “real reasons” for everything women do and say.

10. The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad.

11. Whatever women suffer from, it is worse when it happens to men.

12. Women’s ability to recognize male behavior patterns is misandry.

13. Angry women are crazy. Angry men have trouble expressing themselves.

14. Women have all the rights they need: The right to remain silent.

15. Men are the default human. Women are strange subhuman others.

16. Everyone owns and controls women’s bodies except the women themselves

I haven't watched the video (and can't be bothered tbh), but in a sense the demands that second wave feminists (like me) were making did have unintended consequences and have been distorted or contorted to justify lots of things that is making society not such a healthy place for any sex.
"The personal is political" has become a justification that any sort of social grievance affecting an individual must have some sort of systemic political cause. The bodily autonomy enshrined in "My body, my choice" has become the mantra justifying surrogacy, pornography, "sex work is work" and abortion up to birth. Intersectionality that once highlighted the solidarity and collective strength among women fighting patriarchal structures has morphed into a cartoon landscape of victimhood tickboxes of oppression. The rejection of traditional domestic roles and modes of presentation has given us the perverted ideology that people can be born in the wrong body and that surgery and drugs can make them into the "correct" gendered presentation.

I've been listening to blokes whinging on about a backlash against feminism for at least 35 years. Even as a schoolkid I wondered how you could have a backlash against something that hadn't fully happened, and worked out it was just more of the same old shit, and we just ignore it and keep going.