You Can’t Buy an Authentic Self

Being one's 'authentic' self is the self expression of personality traits of which encompass personal individual preferences. It's an alignment of inner experience/self awareness & outward expression.

And yes, personal preferences often cost money. A 'butch' female wanting to express her inner 'masculinity' traits might need to purchase more masculine coded clothing as an expression of herself. Or conversely, a more 'effeminate' male might purchase eye make up.

Expression & authenticity go hand in hand. And just because the business world encourages such consumerism doesn't change this fact. If anything they are successful because human psychology demands it.

The idea that humans are otherwise empty vessels who lack individuality & a desire to express said individuality is argy bargy woohoo nonsense that defies common sense…except when there's a trans 'demon' to hunt.

This YouTuber does some interesting videos analysing the effects of modern capitalism on women:

They just wasn't trying hard enough.

I have only a short time tonight but posting so i can follow tomorrow.

I have often thought about this, having listened to Dr P Dionne Joseph, clinical psychologist on “incitefulsisters” podbean provoked me to think some more on this very subject.

The podbean is well worth a visit.

I was a counsellor and a developer of services specifically in the field of sexual and domestic violence.

In working with trauma, i developed a method of helping a person recognise their “authentic” self.

The naked being both physically and emotionally was something to be explored. The mirror was an important place to talk about, as we all look in it. Looking at ones naked self can often be hard.

My work often involved looking at all life experiences, on being a child, trauma, bullying, isolation, addiction, loss of relationships, struggles to “fit in”. Reactions to troubling situations, etc. And everything that made them feel worthless and othered.

The key was two fold:

integration of all of that that in to sense of self and embracing that in the moment. I am who and what i encounter.

Secondly once integrated the real self is “reclothed” so to speak. How then to relate to other people, now self intact, and negotiate this difficult life without falling to bits, when a challenge or difficulty occurs.

Such as friendships hobbies communities, and work.

And finally a question was, how often did you look in the mirror today and why?

The mirror gets put away except for occasional grooming.

Capitalism in the sale of products to improve oneself, or ones body, has generated an endless supply of customers because they can never be satisfied.

The selfie culture in its infancy, and facebook as it has become feeds in to causing further insecurities.

Its like capitalism stole a generations mirror and it follows them around.

What’s all that got to do with reading? None of it is needed. pure revenue-generating, performative consumerism.

Rather like something else we’re discussing…

No-one here is saying that late stage capitalism has helped trans IDd individuals. Quite the opposite, that it's a total curse. For people on both sides of the divide.
Unless you consider all the trans on TikTok telling us how Dylan Mulvaney and the Bud Light commercials, Mulvaney's blog. etc helped with making things visible, and how clinics and hormone suppliers serving this need have become so much more prevalent because of capitalist opportunities.
Profits will find consumers.

Yeah, absolutely, my kid coming out in secondary school, going through years of intense bullying, sexual harassment and constant threats of sexual assault was because of late-stage capitalism.

And trans women who struggle to find employment other than sex work because rampant bigotry? Aye, late-stage capitalism.

It's given them so much! Strange it does so about the age of four, when most trans people work out who they are, but what the hell.

It's not at all that you crave any explanation which would excuse your weird obsession with a tiny minority. And be a way to blame them for their own persecution. Absolutely not.

Never mind that most trans people report they'd rather be cis because of the never-ending threats, bigotry and violence they suffer. And are only trans because it gives them peace, makes them feel whole.

Never mind that being trans is rare but completely normal, and that trans people existed long before Karl Marx was a glint in his mum's eye.

Yeah, absolutely. Reduce people to things, objects. Patronise and compartmentalise and label them. God forbid you could stop seeking origin stories for them like they're fucking Batman.

Sorry, thought this very mediocre and in fact saying what every 10 years of so someone says about whatever current trend high end consumers are falling for.

It says more about what seems to be a point of influence for the writer.

So capitalism exploits trends? Why is any one surprised?

From sexualising underage girls, to making older women feel they no longer matter or whatever this always happens.

And of course as trans is so much a constructed persona it just gives capitalism more options.

But in the end none of this fads would happen if the MSM to begin with hadn't created or pretended to say this or that is the current cutting edge which causes the need among some to consume so as to identify with this trend.

Just wait because they’ll compare it to medical plastic surgery like people who need nose jobs for breathing issues or a breast reduction.

a lot of people in these spaces are the same people in polyamory and BDSM spaces and also have children who I feel sorry for because they are mentally ill

I LOVE reading and over the years I've bought a lot of books (to the point that I have bookshelves all over my house) but I don't approach reading the way that BookTok does - the extreme consumerism that applies to that online community is frightening.

The book hauls, the shelf building/rearranging videos, the e-reader pimping videos, the videos and tutorials about creating the perfect reading nook, the shaming people who can't keep up...everything that is good about the hobby of reading is taken to such capitalistic excess that it totally removes the joy and the benefit of settling down and losing yourself in a good book.

So much that brings joy to people is now being marketed back to them as competition to spend the most money and gain the most attention.

Trans identifying men often say When i looked in the mirror, i finally saw 'her'. Indicating a lot of it isnt an internal sense of gender or whatever, but a look.

I dont think its a coincidence that gender has blown up as influencers have appeared. Especially as the internet can disguise adverts as people just sharing their experiences. Watching content is watching hours and hours of adverts in some cases.

This is a fascinating article and it expresses a lot of sensible thought. I've come across a lot of feminist videos and essays by younger women all saying that their peers are being intensively marketed to by plastic surgeons touting the affirming nature of finally looking the way you feel you should. It also doesn't help when you have women in the public eye such as the Kardashian clan who change their appearance frequently via surgery and promote the surgeons who carried out the operations.

Hyperindividualism is being promoted and facilitated as part of late stage capitalism - the human body is on record (from various interviews I've read with Silicon Valley start up entrepreneurs) as the new tech frontier. And women's bodies are the most exploitable by capitalist enterprise because our bodies have the ability to generate and sustain life.

Totally agree. Everything from pharma companies creating a permanently needy market, to private 'medical care', through DEI courses for corporations (so much easier to pay for kudos than to structurally change the system), and frankly, at the utterly pointless end, all the bloody Chinese-manufactured plastic rainbow tat, from flags to lanyards.
End-state capitalism writ large.

I'm getting there. I've always hesitated in the final analysis, because I'm so British, and am almost addicted to seeing both sides of every argument.
But the last decade has knocked this reserve out of me, and now I'm unequivocal GC, and will say it as it is.
Am I happier being more forthright? Not sure. But it's more me.
Ooh, I've improved my self, despite being unsure about the concept, lol.

You don't find inner peace until you reach the higher level of "I don't give a shit".

Fantastic post, a brilliant addition to my "personal happiness can't depend on you physically changing yourself and obliging others to accept your change", especially if that change is superficial and bogus at heart.

You can’t buy an authentic self. It’s fairly obvious, and this is a pithy and very clear statement of something we’ve been saying on FWR for a long time.

Absolutely it is an extreme extension of consumerist society.

It’s hard to recognise yourself, perceived flaws and all, and come to terms with who you are, if not to learn to love yourself as you are. It’s hard to face the causes of your distress and discomfort with yourself. Much easier to pop a Prozac or get some retail therapy. You’re still the same. You’ve put a fragile barrier between your surface happiness and your deeper dissatisfaction. You’re no more authentic than before.

Not so different with unhappiness that you perceive as gender-related. It’s hard to face the causes of your distress and discomfort with yourself. Much easier to pop exogenous hormones, buy binders or prosthetic boobs, or get some expensive surgery. You’re still the same. You’ve put an even more fragile barrier between your surface happiness and your deeper dissatisfaction. Worse - that fragile barrier depends on others affirming you. You’re no more authentic than before. Probably less.

Just because you can buy it, doesn’t mean you should. How are you different to a hoarder who buys and buys yet is never happier and becomes more uncomfortable in their overcluttered home?

Yes, since we change as the world around us changes, maybe trans are going to see to and fro transition as the norm. And society will have to keep adjusting around that.
Ergo, more seriousness by individuals.
Self worth and self centered mean totally different things.
You can't get the former from the latter.

I guess that takes us back to, "What the hell is our authentic self anyway??" If we live in one way and we think we're fine, but then our circumstances change and we adapt our behaviour to them and we discover we're even happier this way, then can it be said that at any point in our life, we knew what our authentic self was and how to express it best? After all, maybe even in our new, more happiness-inducing circumstances, we're still not at our happiest? Maybe a completely different life would make us even happier? How would we know?

I'm not really going anywhere with this, mind you, just thinking out loud.

That's a great post! Thanks OP for linking to it!

doubling down on this narrative that you need clothes, cosmetics and surgeries to discover who you really are.

I must admit that I'm quite shocked at the use of the word "discover" here. I would have understood "express", but "discover"? The idea that the very discovery of who we are might depend on external artifices is downright depressing to me. And yet, I can only assume that Freya used that word because it's the one that fits.

I think that’s manipulating vulnerable people. I think it’s obscene to convince someone who is suffering that it costs this much, financially and emotionally, to be their true selves. And that we should be very wary of teaching the next generation that their identity is something to be bought.

Indeed. The very idea that we can't be ourselves unless we look a certain way is both horrifying and nonsensical. We are ourselves, at every moment of every day! We may not look like we wish we would, but that has no influence on who and what we are. This equation between looks and identity is already toxic enough for non-trans people, especially the young ones (I mean, I do remember thinking I was a worthless cypher because I was fat, as a teenager), but doubling down on this message when addressing a population who is specifically struggling with identity is obscene.

Gen Z is trapped in this constant struggle between curating an artificial self online and then grappling to rediscover an authentic one offline.

That makes me so sad for those poor kids and young people :( Being young is hard enough on its own. Being young in those circumstances... It's no wonder they want to escape this reality!

To be honest I’m not convinced there’s even such thing as a self without other people—let alone an authentic one. There’s a vanity to even thinking there is a self to be found. We are our relationships with others. If you were left alone with all your products and clothes and aesthetic enhancements and never spoke to another person, you would not be your true self. You’d be nothing.

Fascinating! I fully disagree, if only because the existence of deliberate hermits proves Freya is wrong: there are plenty of people who live full lives without depending on relationships with others. But I'm very interested in the various types of personalities that can exist, and one axis in particular seems at work here: introversion vs. extraversion. Freya at one end argues that they would be nothing without the presence of other people, while hermits at the other end argue that they can't be themselves in the presence of other people. This makes me wonder how much that one trait - introversion vs. extraversion - influences whether and especially how someone might be trans...

Welcome to being a woman. We're all being sold all the time that we're not good enough and that one more purchase (make up, self catering, treatment, surgery) will make us right. You just have to work out what's actually important to you and get a thick skin to ignore the rest.