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Original poster

Can you often tell sex from writing style in relationship threads?

35 replies

JadziaD · 12/08/2026 13:18

whenever the TWAW types are out there, there's always lots of statements about how we (women) can't tell who are TW and who are biological women. And we all say that categorically, we can (or at least, in 99% of cases).

I realised today that it's not even just about how someone looks and moves, it's how they speak too. How often on a thread where the genders are vague or not specified can you tell which ones are a woman and which ones are a man? It's so common. there's just something in the way the posts are written and, particularly when it's about relationships, in the way responsibility is/is not taken or blame is/is not allocated.

And then those same men complain that if they were a woman with the same issue they'd get a very different response. But ther eality is that the response they get is because we can all sense the different. The one I see the most is that when a woman posts, she thinks maybe she IS responsible or to blame, she feels bad about her part on whatever it is that's gone wrong, she twists herself into pretzels to see his side....

... when the post is from a man, they're dogmatic, never accept responsibility (except occassionaly vague things like, "I accept there were faults on both sides... but"), and get SO defensive and SO aggressive SO quickly.

Men are men are men are men.

OP posts:
Original poster
JadziaD · 12/08/2026 14:28

Error404FucksNotFound · 12/08/2026 14:10

Not always but yes, there have been times when a post has just screamed bloke.

Tbh, more than sex of the poster i think you can tell when a poster has an agenda or is being manipulative. That comes across clearly ime.

And I think that, when it comes to men starting a thread on mumsnet, there is a higher proportion of them with agendas. Maybe thats part of what comes across?

This is a good point. Perhaps in real life its less obvious but on the sort of relationship threads I am thinking of the type of man posting does have an agenda and it becomes super obvious, super quickly.

OP posts:
VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 12/08/2026 14:26

MyThreeWords · 12/08/2026 14:06

How do you know whether you are right? There may be a few instances where there is subsequent confirmation of sex, but this won't usually happen.

Show quote history

Usually I find it generally comes out within a couple of the OPs posts. Even if the initial one doesn't use pronouns, usually by about post 4 one has popped out that makes it clearer.

I've found it a couple of times the other way round as well. A poster mentions DW in the opening post, people assume the OP is a bloke, and I'm thinking "I'm pretty sure this is a lesbian relationship", and a few posts further down OP clarifies she's a woman.

MyThreeWords · 12/08/2026 14:10

MyThreeWords · 12/08/2026 14:04

I disagree with this, and I think it is a kind of stereotyping that is as harmful as whatever pink and blue concepts of physical 'gender presentation' are exploited to produce the fiction of 'living as a woman'.

I had a go on some app or other a few years ago that assessed writing style and claimed to be able to assign it as male or female. It got me totally wrong -- calling me male on the basis of a piece of writing I had done that happened to be very analytical and rigorous (because that was what was required by the context of the writing).
Presumably if there had been more fluffy feelz, it would have allowed that I was female.
If you see on MN what you are interpreting as a kind of mansplainy dogmatism from people who come here to 'correct' gender critical thinking, then my guess is that you are seeing the kind of writing style associated with that particular kind of righteous quasi-trolling, rather than with male sex. They may well often be men, since men are so frequently angry with the idea of women getting together and forming opinions they don't like, but I would still be very wary of ascribing sex on the basis of writing style.

Edited

I've just put this earlier post of mine through two 'gender analysers' and they both had me as male!!

Error404FucksNotFound · 12/08/2026 14:10

Not always but yes, there have been times when a post has just screamed bloke.

Tbh, more than sex of the poster i think you can tell when a poster has an agenda or is being manipulative. That comes across clearly ime.

And I think that, when it comes to men starting a thread on mumsnet, there is a higher proportion of them with agendas. Maybe thats part of what comes across?

TTCbabynumber22025 · 12/08/2026 14:10

I agree with @Thrump i think it is often pretty obvious, I’ll start reading and think “this sounds like a bloke”, I’ll go to See Next where it is usually confirmed I’m right. I also agree with the posts being long and over written, and I think it’s the way they frame themselves in the story too. They’re always the victim of whatever they’re posting about.

MyThreeWords · 12/08/2026 14:06

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 12/08/2026 13:56

Yep. Not every time, but usually by about the second paragraph I've worked out whether its a woman or another man posting.

How do you know whether you are right? There may be a few instances where there is subsequent confirmation of sex, but this won't usually happen.

Thrump · 12/08/2026 14:05

Oh I don't know about this topic, sorry, I was thinking about MN Relationships.

Thrump · 12/08/2026 14:05

Usually yes! Why is that? Often the OP is very long and sort of overwritten? I don't think men spend as much time texting their mates long narratives maybe so they are less practised in the mode?

Yes to very quick aggression, though it's also true they might get less rope.

MyThreeWords · 12/08/2026 14:04

I disagree with this, and I think it is a kind of stereotyping that is as harmful as whatever pink and blue concepts of physical 'gender presentation' are exploited to produce the fiction of 'living as a woman'.

I had a go on some app or other a few years ago that assessed writing style and claimed to be able to assign it as male or female. It got me totally wrong -- calling me male on the basis of a piece of writing I had done that happened to be very analytical and rigorous (because that was what was required by the context of the writing).
Presumably if there had been more fluffy feelz, it would have allowed that I was female.
If you see on MN what you are interpreting as a kind of mansplainy dogmatism from people who come here to 'correct' gender critical thinking, then my guess is that you are seeing the kind of writing style associated with that particular kind of righteous quasi-trolling, rather than with male sex. They may well often be men, since men are so frequently angry with the idea of women getting together and forming opinions they don't like, but I would still be very wary of ascribing sex on the basis of writing style.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 12/08/2026 13:56

Yep. Not every time, but usually by about the second paragraph I've worked out whether its a woman or another man posting.