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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

What can we do about this?

24 replies

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 17:17

Is this the right place for this discussion?

I never normally join in with talks about gender and trans rights, I'm a health care professional, I look after patients without judgement etc..., I believe everybody should be treated fairly and be safe, I have my opinions but I keep them to myself.

However, I've just seen this post on reddit and it made me feel sick to my stomach for many reasons but mainly as someone who has had to have many, many intimate examinations because of infertility and baby loss.

What do you do with this? Who can you have this conversation with, without being called a terf etc... This is why women are fighting for their rights and to be listened to!

Before anyone gives me grief about male doctors etc..., I don't care, I've had absolutely wonderful male doctors who have saved my life more than once, the difference is, I knew they were male and they weren't getting off on touching my cervix!

Image attached hopefully.

What can we do about this?
OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Hoardasurass · 05/08/2026 18:43

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 18:26

Unfortunately he's anonymous on reddit

If he really is a dr or nurse who really works in the NHS and tries to intimately examine any female patients without telling them hes male hes committing a sexual assault and any staff member who allows him to do so will also face charges of facilitating a sexual assault.
If you feel brave or have an anonymous feedback system raise it you can even coach it on a way that you want to protect trans identifying male colleagues if you want but the fact is if a dr Upton situation occurs and a female patient asks for a female Dr/nurse and a man who identifies as a women starts an examination or even attempts to its a sexual assault or attempted sexual assault and he risks not only his freedom job but his license to practice and any member of staff and his employers risk the same if they dont prevent him from doing so.
Oh you can also expect to be sued.
Its about time that the idiots who have been enabling men like this start to realise quite how dangerous it is for them personally. The Peggie cases (part2) and her appeal should start to make this very clear to employers

MassiveWordSalad · 05/08/2026 18:27

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 18:22

I agree with everything you've said and yes, I think somebody genuinely experiencing gender dysphoria would feel that way too.

I reported in on reddit and nothing has been done, as you say, who on earth is modding it?

Meanwhile all gender critical discussion is banned from Reddit. If you were to respond to that post with your concerns, no matter how politely, it would be zapped extremely fast.

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 18:26

Hoardasurass · 05/08/2026 18:24

What do you do about this have him arrested for sexual assault and his employer for facilitation of sexual assault.
Oh and everybody he works with knows hes a man.

Unfortunately he's anonymous on reddit

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 05/08/2026 18:24

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 17:17

Is this the right place for this discussion?

I never normally join in with talks about gender and trans rights, I'm a health care professional, I look after patients without judgement etc..., I believe everybody should be treated fairly and be safe, I have my opinions but I keep them to myself.

However, I've just seen this post on reddit and it made me feel sick to my stomach for many reasons but mainly as someone who has had to have many, many intimate examinations because of infertility and baby loss.

What do you do with this? Who can you have this conversation with, without being called a terf etc... This is why women are fighting for their rights and to be listened to!

Before anyone gives me grief about male doctors etc..., I don't care, I've had absolutely wonderful male doctors who have saved my life more than once, the difference is, I knew they were male and they weren't getting off on touching my cervix!

Image attached hopefully.

What do you do about this have him arrested for sexual assault and his employer for facilitation of sexual assault.
Oh and everybody he works with knows hes a man.

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 18:22

icingonmycupcake · 05/08/2026 18:18

It made me want to throw up. And demonstrates very clearly the cesspit that is Reddit.

What kind of person is modding that community and allowing that thread to stand? What kind of people have commented on that post, without pointing out how disgusting it is and that it harms the credibility of their community?

What kind of people normalise what that creep has written? Instead of mass reporting it.

Other creepy men. That's who. Bloody deviants fetishising the things they want to do to women and girls, while cosplaying being a woman. Because that's how they get access to us. By pretending they're one of us.

Someone who genuinely suffers from gender dysphoria and lives their life identifying as a woman would surely be horrified by that post? ☹️

I agree with everything you've said and yes, I think somebody genuinely experiencing gender dysphoria would feel that way too.

I reported in on reddit and nothing has been done, as you say, who on earth is modding it?

OP posts:
icingonmycupcake · 05/08/2026 18:18

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 18:05

Yes, you can absolutely ask for a chaperone and you should be offered one anyway.

I've luckily never felt uncomfortable in that way, but that post just sent chills down my spine when I thought about all the intimate exams I've had and when I've been at my most physically and mentally vulnerable, somebody could be getting a sexual thrill from touching my broken reproductive system!

It made me want to throw up. And demonstrates very clearly the cesspit that is Reddit.

What kind of person is modding that community and allowing that thread to stand? What kind of people have commented on that post, without pointing out how disgusting it is and that it harms the credibility of their community?

What kind of people normalise what that creep has written? Instead of mass reporting it.

Other creepy men. That's who. Bloody deviants fetishising the things they want to do to women and girls, while cosplaying being a woman. Because that's how they get access to us. By pretending they're one of us.

Someone who genuinely suffers from gender dysphoria and lives their life identifying as a woman would surely be horrified by that post? ☹️

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 18:13

Lovelyview · 05/08/2026 18:11

I think it's probably a fantasy op. Women recognise men and you have a right to object. Having said that, predators seek out prey and sadly I'm sure men - trans identified or not - will seek positions where they can prey on the vulnerable. That's why safeguarding is so important - something the world seems to have forgotten.

I fully agree!

OP posts:
Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 18:12

WrongKindOfFeminist · 05/08/2026 18:07

All the HCPs I know are, without a single exception, raging TERFs.

Not a one of them would ever reveal that fact, though. I mean, they also all need their jobs.

I think part of it is, we see many people from many, many walks of life. We see patients with genuine gender dysphoria, we see patients who are convicted prisoners etc... and the reasons for those convictions. We see genuinely lovely, kind, great members of society and then we see the other side of that and we know what people want amd what they really think, because they tell us in confidence.

OP posts:
Lovelyview · 05/08/2026 18:11

I think it's probably a fantasy op. Women recognise men and you have a right to object. Having said that, predators seek out prey and sadly I'm sure men - trans identified or not - will seek positions where they can prey on the vulnerable. That's why safeguarding is so important - something the world seems to have forgotten.

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 18:08

WrongKindOfFeminist · 05/08/2026 18:06

Absolutely gross comment.

Thanks for sharing, though. Many people are unaware that men with this attitude are the ones trying to insist they have a right to use women's spaces.

Meanwhile, what we 'do' with this is ... we organise.

https://seeninhealth.org/

Thank you, I'll look at the link.

As I say, I treat everybody with equity, I do believe everybody should be safe, I understand genuine gender dysphoria etc... but this shit more than crosses the line for me.

OP posts:
WrongKindOfFeminist · 05/08/2026 18:07

All the HCPs I know are, without a single exception, raging TERFs.

Not a one of them would ever reveal that fact, though. I mean, they also all need their jobs.

WrongKindOfFeminist · 05/08/2026 18:06

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 17:17

Is this the right place for this discussion?

I never normally join in with talks about gender and trans rights, I'm a health care professional, I look after patients without judgement etc..., I believe everybody should be treated fairly and be safe, I have my opinions but I keep them to myself.

However, I've just seen this post on reddit and it made me feel sick to my stomach for many reasons but mainly as someone who has had to have many, many intimate examinations because of infertility and baby loss.

What do you do with this? Who can you have this conversation with, without being called a terf etc... This is why women are fighting for their rights and to be listened to!

Before anyone gives me grief about male doctors etc..., I don't care, I've had absolutely wonderful male doctors who have saved my life more than once, the difference is, I knew they were male and they weren't getting off on touching my cervix!

Image attached hopefully.

Absolutely gross comment.

Thanks for sharing, though. Many people are unaware that men with this attitude are the ones trying to insist they have a right to use women's spaces.

Meanwhile, what we 'do' with this is ... we organise.

https://seeninhealth.org/

SEEN In Health

SEEN in Health

https://seeninhealth.org

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 18:05

icingonmycupcake · 05/08/2026 18:00

Apparently he's a mental health nurse (according to someone on another thread). So. He's most likely bullshitting. Or fantasising. 🤢

I believe if you're ever uncomfortable before an intimate exam you're entitled to ask for a chaperone, even if the Doctor or Nurse is female. But you'll probably know better than me.

In terms of bringing this up as a trained health professional... these days... within the NHS? You'd have to assess whether you could cope with the potential fall out from same.

And regarding the fallout, no I couldn't currently cope with that!

OP posts:
Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 18:05

icingonmycupcake · 05/08/2026 18:00

Apparently he's a mental health nurse (according to someone on another thread). So. He's most likely bullshitting. Or fantasising. 🤢

I believe if you're ever uncomfortable before an intimate exam you're entitled to ask for a chaperone, even if the Doctor or Nurse is female. But you'll probably know better than me.

In terms of bringing this up as a trained health professional... these days... within the NHS? You'd have to assess whether you could cope with the potential fall out from same.

Yes, you can absolutely ask for a chaperone and you should be offered one anyway.

I've luckily never felt uncomfortable in that way, but that post just sent chills down my spine when I thought about all the intimate exams I've had and when I've been at my most physically and mentally vulnerable, somebody could be getting a sexual thrill from touching my broken reproductive system!

OP posts:
icingonmycupcake · 05/08/2026 18:00

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 17:17

Is this the right place for this discussion?

I never normally join in with talks about gender and trans rights, I'm a health care professional, I look after patients without judgement etc..., I believe everybody should be treated fairly and be safe, I have my opinions but I keep them to myself.

However, I've just seen this post on reddit and it made me feel sick to my stomach for many reasons but mainly as someone who has had to have many, many intimate examinations because of infertility and baby loss.

What do you do with this? Who can you have this conversation with, without being called a terf etc... This is why women are fighting for their rights and to be listened to!

Before anyone gives me grief about male doctors etc..., I don't care, I've had absolutely wonderful male doctors who have saved my life more than once, the difference is, I knew they were male and they weren't getting off on touching my cervix!

Image attached hopefully.

Apparently he's a mental health nurse (according to someone on another thread). So. He's most likely bullshitting. Or fantasising. 🤢

I believe if you're ever uncomfortable before an intimate exam you're entitled to ask for a chaperone, even if the Doctor or Nurse is female. But you'll probably know better than me.

In terms of bringing this up as a trained health professional... these days... within the NHS? You'd have to assess whether you could cope with the potential fall out from same.

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 17:57

Lins77 · 05/08/2026 17:53

What gets me in these sort of situations (and the same applies to toilets, changing rooms etc) is the assumption that because nobody speaks up, they don't "know or care" that the person is trans.

There are so many reasons women may not speak up. Reluctance to cause a scene. Fear of being labelled a bigot. Fear of somehow being wrong and causing embarrassment all round. Straightforward fear of being attacked, in some circumstances.

I agree! The silent majority normally have the same opinion as in most things. I'd be flamed if I ever spoke up at work, I did anonymously once on a survey because of an experience I had as a patient in the hospital I work in. Without being too outing because a couple of people know this story but I was basically asked if I was a woman when I went for a procedure that only women can have and it was because of repeated pregnancy loss! Awful.

OP posts:
Lins77 · 05/08/2026 17:53

What gets me in these sort of situations (and the same applies to toilets, changing rooms etc) is the assumption that because nobody speaks up, they don't "know or care" that the person is trans.

There are so many reasons women may not speak up. Reluctance to cause a scene. Fear of being labelled a bigot. Fear of somehow being wrong and causing embarrassment all round. Straightforward fear of being attacked, in some circumstances.

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 17:34

AimsAndObjectives · 05/08/2026 17:26

In all honesty I didn't look to see if there was another thread. It's from a more general angle, I'd like a discussion from the point of view of feeling completely violated even from just reading it.

OP posts:
Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 17:25

sohard · 05/08/2026 17:22

I also get this stuff pushed into my feed too.

I think probably this is just some vile man’s fantasy. Not sure there’s anything you can do without any further information.

I agree, there's probably nothing I can do. I just wish this sort of thing this was seen and flagged more.

OP posts:
sohard · 05/08/2026 17:22

I also get this stuff pushed into my feed too.

I think probably this is just some vile man’s fantasy. Not sure there’s anything you can do without any further information.

Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed · 05/08/2026 17:21

AimsAndObjectives · 05/08/2026 17:20

If you don't get involved with these issues, why were you on that particular part of reddit?

It was a suggested post, not that it matters. Just because I don't get involved in those conversations, doesn't mean I don't read and keep up to date with current affairs.

OP posts:
Dominoodles · 05/08/2026 17:21

AimsAndObjectives · 05/08/2026 17:20

If you don't get involved with these issues, why were you on that particular part of reddit?

Reddit does tend to recommend posts from a lot of these subs, I'm only on there for crafting and I still get a lot of this stuff pushed into my feed

AimsAndObjectives · 05/08/2026 17:20

If you don't get involved with these issues, why were you on that particular part of reddit?

Swipe left for the next trending thread