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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

They gave me to someone who could not read or write … it would be better if you buried me alive - [article in Guardian, TW abuse]

83 replies

GingerBeverage · 05/08/2026 11:47

Posting the start but it's really worth reading the whole letter.

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2026/aug/05/taliban-afghanistan-shabnam-story-her-stage

On my last day of school it seemed years of effort were now contained in one small piece of paper. Everyone was happy at graduation, holding our certificates, each of us had a different road ahead. Friends wanted to study medicine, civil engineering or economics. For me, I wanted aviation – to be a pilot.
We worked hard, preparing for Kankor – the university entry exam – then came the first delay. Coronavirus reached Afghanistan. Everywhere went into quarantine, our exams were postponed.
Eventually, I got into university. On my first day I told myself, “Shabnam, finally, your efforts were not wasted.” The smile would not leave my face.
I worked hard. At the end of the first year, I was the top student in my class of 120 from all 34 provinces of Afghanistan. My father was so proud of me. But my mother said, “My daughter, do not be so happy, someone may cast an evil eye on your happiness.” I wish I had listened.
My mother used to tell stories about the Taliban and say we were left behind from education. Then, in my second year, the Taliban took Afghanistan again. It was goodbye to the university and to our books. A university that would never open again for us. I wished that they had taken our lives instead.
With a thousand miseries, we returned home. I told my mother, “You were right. I wish I had not been so happy.” I did not know that worse lay ahead.
The Taliban said no girl over the age of 15 should remain unmarried. Girls were being forced into engagement. Either the Taliban would marry the girls themselves or the father had to find someone for his daughter.
They gave me to someone who had no education and could not read or write. Crying became all I did day and night.
I told my mother, “It would be better if you buried me alive.” The groom’s family wanted to take me to their home. If I did not accept, the Taliban would detain my father.

They gave me to someone who could not read or write … it would be better if you buried me alive

I was the top student in my university class but when the Taliban took Afghanistan again I was forced to marry and my dreams of being a pilot ended

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2026/aug/05/taliban-afghanistan-shabnam-story-her-stage

OP posts:
KvotheTheBloodless · 05/08/2026 11:53

That is heartbreaking, that poor woman 😢

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 11:58

Different cultures do different things, simple as that.

Jellycatspyjamas · 05/08/2026 12:06

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 11:58

Different cultures do different things, simple as that.

I don’t think you can write off forced marriage as a cultural difference.

TheSmallAssassin · 05/08/2026 12:10

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 11:58

Different cultures do different things, simple as that.

Well, the woman didn't want this culture, it's not her culture, she didn't get to choose where she was born.

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:12

I disagree with child marriage for sure, but we cant judge another culture by our standards.

RoyalCorgi · 05/08/2026 12:14

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:12

I disagree with child marriage for sure, but we cant judge another culture by our standards.

Of course we can.

TheSmallAssassin · 05/08/2026 12:14

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:12

I disagree with child marriage for sure, but we cant judge another culture by our standards.

Well how about the woman being allowed an opinion on the culture and us standing in solidarity with her? Of course we can judge other cultures! We used to be a slave owning, women-as-chattel culture but we aren't any more, some things deserve to be judged.

redboxer321 · 05/08/2026 12:15

RoyalCorgi · 05/08/2026 12:14

Of course we can.

We can and we should.

MeNotYouJustMe · 05/08/2026 12:16

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:12

I disagree with child marriage for sure, but we cant judge another culture by our standards.

Nothing changes if we take this attitude.

Thundertoast · 05/08/2026 12:19

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:12

I disagree with child marriage for sure, but we cant judge another culture by our standards.

So you think its okay for a woman to be forced into a legal contract and raped, miserable every day of her life, because of a culture? To make men happy?

RandomMess · 05/08/2026 12:19

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 11:58

Different cultures do different things, simple as that.

This isn’t Afghan culture,this is only what the Taliban brought with them in the last 50 years or so.

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:25

The Taliban way of doing things is not just going on in Afghanistan, trust me.

IrnBruAndDietCoke · 05/08/2026 12:47

The MRAs are out in force today. This is the fourth thread I’ve seen started or taken over by them. I’d suggest people don’t feed anyone outside their immediate family, what with the cost of food these days.

StandingDeskDisco · 05/08/2026 12:47

Heart breaking.
I am of the opinion that there is nothing we can do about it. The most powerful military in the world spent 20 years trying to 'fix' that country from their position as outsiders, and failed.
Only the people of Afghanistan can fix their country. Only the women of Afghanistan can free the women of Afghanistan (with whatever help the men around them will give). They cannot be 'rescued' from outside.
It will take a century or more.

Sunnytraces · 05/08/2026 12:49

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:25

The Taliban way of doing things is not just going on in Afghanistan, trust me.

It's political, not cultural

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:50

Sunnytraces · 05/08/2026 12:49

It's political, not cultural

I think it's a bit of both. But there is politics in there too, you're right, it's not just culture.

Soontobe60 · 05/08/2026 12:51

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 11:58

Different cultures do different things, simple as that.

It’s hardly the same as celebrating birthdays in different ways though. What a crass comment!

Sunnytraces · 05/08/2026 12:54

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:50

I think it's a bit of both. But there is politics in there too, you're right, it's not just culture.

If it was cultural it would stick same way even under different leaderships. They didn't have it before taliban, nor between taliban.

Gengha · 05/08/2026 12:58

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:12

I disagree with child marriage for sure, but we cant judge another culture by our standards.

Where do you draw the line though? Something’s either wrong or it’s not. Paedophilia? FGM? Cannibalism? These all alright by you because they are someone else’s culture?

That poor woman. What a bloody awful situation.

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 13:00

That is the issue Gengha,

We cant draw the line in someone else's country, not even in someone else's household.

Lins77 · 05/08/2026 13:07

Human rights should be universal.

Hoardasurass · 05/08/2026 13:19

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:12

I disagree with child marriage for sure, but we cant judge another culture by our standards.

Yes we can and should especially when that culture regards all females as nothing more than chattel.
Women and girls are not property to be bought and sold, denied an education or rights and even bodily autonomy.
When a culture is based around committing crimes against humanity towards 51% of their population it is a culture that needs eradicating

Dadalus · 05/08/2026 13:24

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 12:12

I disagree with child marriage for sure, but we cant judge another culture by our standards.

I can.

Lins77 · 05/08/2026 13:27

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 13:00

That is the issue Gengha,

We cant draw the line in someone else's country, not even in someone else's household.

Of course we can, when there is abuse happening.

OtterlyAstounding · 05/08/2026 13:32

BornToBeWithThisUsername · 05/08/2026 13:00

That is the issue Gengha,

We cant draw the line in someone else's country, not even in someone else's household.

How very edgy of you.