Trauma-informed housing concerns after being placed with a trans-identified housemate

If someone records content for tiktok, for example, they would be doing it regularly - why is it so hard to imagine that L is filming every day and did not make an exception for the day of OP's arrival?

I believe you op. If I were you I'd get out of there. You said it'll be fine if he leaves you alone - but if he doesn't, if he harasses you in any way, they've told you loud and clear that they won't believe you or support you.

You said you're far from home, from which I'm assuming there is somewhere that's "home" - can you go back there?

I think the vast majority of women would be very uncomfortable in your living situation, even without your trauma history.

What a horrific situation for you, OP and I'm thinking of you across the miles. I'm glad you've had some ideas from others: sadly. I have none as it's very difficult to be helpful to people in other jurisdictions.

What you describe is now known to be illegal in the UK, thanks to our Supreme Court ruling, but such shit still goes on because people think it's fine to disobey laws they don't like.

Being pro-women's rights is not being anti-trans.

HTH

I understand that, it's a fair enough point and yes we do see TRAs come here to do stuff like that. However, like another PP pointed out, there is a report button for a reason.

If the OP is genuine then she needs support.

Rregardless of how the TRAs would like to portray us to each other, most of the posters here are known for conducting intelligent, reasonable discussions, and contrary to popular TRA belief no one is posting transphobic hate here.

So if this did turn out to be an engagement/rage bait post, tough for the trolls! They'll be eagerly sitting there waiting to screenshot a whole heap of nothing.

I have reported you, you are breaking Mumsnet rules.
If you don’t believe a post is real you report it or step away from the thread, you don’t argue about it on the thread. There are good reasons for this rule.

It is patently unfair when someone else's rights to identify as a different gender to their birth sex and their behaviour impacts so much on another person's well being and needs. Surely It should be possible to address both sides needs in a way that is fair and equitable to both. It sounds like the managers of the program you are in don't really want to help you, or are may be not in a position to, due to their policies and priorities . Is it not possible for you to be referred elsewhere to a different organisation's program that recognises that some traumatized women need to be helped in a single sex environment in order to feel safe. I hope you can find the right sort of help you need right now.

I didn't say you were a troll.
And did you read my links? It's not 'anti-trans' to want women only services to be women-only, because if you let special males in, nasty men like Mark Addis exploit this loophole. I won't reply to you further because I and you have already derailed the thread too much

OP who is paying for you to be in this programme? Your best chance seems likely to be telling them that your prospect of recovery is being damaged by being in this accommodation. Maybe they can move you to a different programme.

Mumsnet does not permit troll hunting. If you have doubts you report but stay off the thread. Those commenting may be trying to deny someone help.

I believe you!
You should look at other options in other cities.
I hope it all works out 🥰

If you have concerns about a poster then report to MNHQ. Troll hunting is not allowed on this site. Your dismissal without evidence, could stop a vulnerable women seeking further sources of support.

I am so sorry OP. This is happening or has at least the potential to happen here in the UK also - St Mungo's homeless charity STILL, in its Women's (sic) Policy, and despite mouthing the words that it understands female trauma, includes men in their definition of Woman.

They insist this also, despite the Supreme Court ruling and scandal in their past (Mark/Melissa Addis, with a conviction for the abuse and threats to kill his partner is allowed to use women's hostel).
https://www.womenarehuman.com/womens-refuge-allows-male-transgender-who-threatened-to-kill-his-female-partner/

https://www.mungos.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/StMWomensStrategy2026-29.pdf. Page 4 ('all women, including transwomen' )and confirmed to me in writing.

Given that your trauma is specifically related to a tim and that you are there to undergo trauma support I would suggest that the providers are being negligent in the extreme by forcing you to share accommodation in this way.I suggest you threaten to sue them if they don't move you into different accommodation today. Some posters are sceptical because people come on Mumsnet and post stories to generate a strong reaction from the women on here which they screenshot and use in other forums to show how 'transphobic' we all are. Or just enjoy spinning a yarn to get a reaction. The main thing I feel you need is a real life ally who can support you. As someone else has suggested, a religious representative might be someone to turn to for support (do you have a religion?) otherwise a mental health representative like a counsellor could support you. Do you have someone from home who could support you? I hope you manage to resolve this op. Good luck.

Leaving aside all the contentious trans issues, just normal common sense would suggest that if you have two incompatible flatmates,
you try your hardest to reorganise how rooms are allocated. It doesn't need judging, just some practical action !

This is a sort of last resort idea for if you are faced with not having a roof over your head, it may be completely nuts:

I thought Chicago - Italians - Roman Catholics (who might be less prone to thinking men can be women) and thought of nuns. Who might be sympathetic to a need for single sex spaces and who might have experience of helping homeless women etc.

Found references to 3 convents:
Mother of Good Counsel Convent 3800 West Peterson Avenue.
Benedictine Sisters of Chicago, St Scholastica Monastery, 7430 North Ridge Boulevard.
Sisters of St Casimir, 2601 West Marquette Road.

Please be aware that I know nothing about these people and can't give them any kind of recommendation. It's just all I could come up with as an idea.

From AI as I have no knowledge:

Independent Women’s Law Center (IWLC): A US-based legal organization that actively advocates for the legal definition of "sex" to remain strictly biological in public accommodations, schools, and shelters to protect women’s safety and privacy.
Alliance Defending Freedom (ADF): While a broader civil liberties legal group rather than a secular feminist group, ADF frequently handles the specific legal defense of US single-sex shelters (such as the Downtown Hope Center case) fighting federal or local mandates that require shelters to house biological males with female trauma survivors.

again from AI

Immediate Housing Advocates & Peer Support in Chicago

• &Rise (Women Rise Chicago): This is a prominent local Chicago non-profit specifically dedicated to women trauma survivors. They provide free counseling, support groups, and a tight-knit community of women who understand trauma recovery. They are an excellent resource for local, female-only emotional peer support while you fight your placement. 1, 2, 3, 4]
• Sarah’s Circle: A Chicago-based organization that focuses entirely on providing housing, interim shelter, and supportive services exclusively for women. If you need to physically leave your current accommodation to ensure your psychological safety, Sarah's Circle runs a 50-bed interim housing program and a female-only daytime support center in the city. 1]
• Resilience (formerly Rape Victim Advocates): If your trauma program is related to sexual violence or abuse, Resilience offers dedicated legal and medical advocacy in Chicago. Their legal advocates can help you navigate local shelter rules and interface with the funded group that misplaced you. 1]
• CAN Hope (Chicago Advocacy Network for Hope): Chicago’s Family Justice Center coordinates housing advocacy, legal aid, and counseling for adult trauma survivors. They can act as an umbrella coordinator to review how a city-funded or state-funded group mishandled your placement. 1]

Although AI information may be accurate, it will taken from web sites etc., and will not reflect the personal experiences of anyone who has used any of the services listed. But hope maybe at least one of these can help you.

Hi OP

Have you tried contacting either of these US based groups.

They aren't set up to be support groups but may have contacts that could help you.

https://womensliberationfront.org/

https://womensdeclarationusa.com/

And shocked, though not surprised, that a service set up to support women has failed to uphold its purpose and allowing TW to use the service.

@concernedgirl I assume you already have, but if you are very newly arrived in the area have you tried looking to see if there are any actual single sex services or support groups yet?

Edited to add, as in ones that are for biological females only.

Nothing to do with it being a “liberal” city, everything to do with someone in charge who doesn’t seem to care enough about all the participants’ wellbeing.

If they are suggesting you move into a shared room, would that effectively leave L in an apartment alone? Can you argue that they could put L with someone else and give you the single place?

I think it's a reasonable assumption that even in a mixed sex program, housing would be assigned based on biological sex, rather than gender identity. Or it least it would be if the world hadn't collectively lost it's senses.

It's the way of the world I'm afraid, things like this are happening everywhere.

I would wait it out, the law wont be on your side if you report and complain again, if anything you are likely to be in hot water if L makes a complaint about you.

Sad, but true.