If I'd worked my arse off to get a doctorate, I'd be using it at every opportunity @GrumpyPanda !

Sorry this is so long - it's made me realise how cross I still feel about it.

This is a more recent thing and not to do with banks, but a similar infuriating sign of the bias towards men. My parents both died in the pandemic in 2020 and had those awful funerals where hardly anyone could attend. We didn't get round to arranging the plot, memorial stone or interment of ashes until 2021. As I was local, I did all the arranging of the plot - I liaised with my brother throughout about the kind of plot, the wording on the stones etc and we both visited at one point, but all the communication and payment went via me.

When we arrived on the day of the interment of the ashes the woman brought out a form and asked my brother (she had only met him once, with me, and had never corresponded with him) to sign the form. I asked where I should sign - and my signature wasn't required. I had done all the work but the man had to sign. The woman said I could add my signature at the bottom of the page if I wanted, but I declined. I didn't want to look like an afterthought after the "proper" signature.

My bro couldn't understand why I was so bothered and neither could my nephew or my uncle (or my sons disappointingly when I told them later). My nephew said maybe it was because my surname was different - but I pointed out that what if they had only had daughters who had changed their surname after marriage? My aunt and my nephew's wife looked a bit uncomfortable too, so I didn't say anything further at the time.

Anyway I went home and stewed - and remembered how annoyed my Mum had been about my Dad's name going on the bank account - and I emailed the crematorium and, well, complained. She phoned me the next day and apologised. She said it was part of their policy - I think because it was my brother who had initially contacted them about the cremation because I was ill (with Covid after trying to look after my parents) - the cremation, not the plot etc - but that she had raised a complaint because she could see it wasn't fair and that I was upset and that they were going to do it differently in future and make sure both or all would sign. Of course this was all in a phone call - nothing in writing - so I wouldn't mind betting they are still doing the same thing. After all, burying one's parents isn't something we do often is it?

It just added to a very upsetting time.

I said Ms once and got 'Oh are you divorced?'. I was about 26, is it very likely?

I am firmly of the opinion that all adult women should be Ms by default.

It doesn't.

E2A: You can wrap a lot of code around the underlying structure to give the illusion of parity. And live with the oddities that will produce

That's because it was baked into law until 1995

https://researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/RP95-53/RP95-53.pdf

Back in those days, the "primary" contact entry was hardcoded to be male at every turn.

How does this work if the joint account holders are both women?

DH and I were sorting out travel insurance and they apparently couldn't put us on a family policy because I didn't change my name when we married. I don't know why I was surprised, I had thought by this day and age we might be past all that.

Same with the Clubcard. Added DH to the account (same as I did with Nectar), and they changed him to the main account name! Nectar didn't; I remained the main account holder.

I’m Dr. When divorcing my husband redirected all the mail. They redirected all mine to him no matter how many times I complained to Royal Mail. They could only think of a dr as being a man. The breach of gdpr is breathtaking on that one and it significantly impacted my life him receiving all my personal financial information.

Threaten them with the Financial Ombudsman if you dont get a sensible response to your complaint.

Oh yes! I had a major back and forth and got nowhere with Aer Lingus (or possibly BA), who, on a code share flight put my son as the lead passenger (he'd just hit the age where I had to buy him an adult ticket - so we looked like 2 adults and a child).

I could check in our luggage at the machine on my passport, and was getting very frustrated until I had the sudden thought and tried his, which worked. Aer Lingus flat refused to take any responsibility - even for the fact that as they were checked in under his name, he was the one who technically had to click to say he'd packed the bag/take responsibility for what's in it, even though as a 15 year old he obviously couldn't

Thankfully my bank didn’t pull this trick and I’ve booked many holidays and I always remained as lead passenger with the likes of TUI, airlines etc, utility companies have never switched it but I did book a cruise who switched the names around, they got a formal complaint from me, I got a swift apologetic reply and it didn’t happen when i booked again, also Tesco clubCard apologised when they couldn’t take exh off my account! Now sorted but was a computer issue.

Try Scottish power put a random man's name on my account one day and refused to remove it said he needed to contact them to remove it but he is a random name and I dont know who he is to call you well thats the only way we will remove it if he asks

So your telling me someone can just take over my gas account and I the only account holder have zero say? Basically yes...ok so I dont need to pay my bill then right? Because its not in my name? Well its at your address and and it was in your name and erm....why dont we just change that for you

Fucks sake 🙄

Oh I've just remembered something else. When we bought our current house we had to get a bridging loan which the mortgage broker arranged for us. When it came through it had my name first (which delighted me as a rare occurrence). However the broker (male) seemed a bit embarrassed and actually apologised to my husband, hurriedly explaining this was because I was the main earner and therefore the lenders first port of call.

An actual apology for coming second! But it's supposed to be good enough for women 99% of the time. Pah.

Barclays did it to me - after a round of complaints (they tried the alphabetical thing on me - which is ridiculous as both my names came before his in the alphabet), I got an apology and 60 quid. Although I doubt anything changed for anyone else long term

OMG this makes my blood boil! So men deserve courtesy but women don't! Because it would be just too terrible and disrespectful to a man to have his name after a woman's, she being the inferior human and all.

OMG are they STILL doing this? I remember my mother complaining about the same thing in the 80s. They had shared finances, but she inherited her father's house, couldn't sell it so rented it out, and she opened a (I think it was Halifax) account in her name for the rent to go into. Eventually my Dad asked if it could be joint as he had contributed to repairs and furnishings and buying my uncle's share of the property, so she made it a joint account - and yes they put his name first and sent all the correspondence to him.

When she phoned to complain and ask why they had done this, they said it was a matter of courtesy - courtesy to whom ffs? She said it didn't feel very courteous to her, but they wouldn't change it. It seems that forty years on and we are still having the same problems and the banks are still in the dark ages.

French banks are just as bad. I opened a French bank account only for it to be Madame surname DH first name. I complained but they just shrugged their shoulders.

That's when I tell them "if using Ms is too hard for you feel free to use Dr". All those years labouring for an earned doctorate have to be good for something 🤣🤣🤣

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Hey, no issue with your being happy with it - I'd assume that anyway, you're presumably not using it coz you're unhappy with it!

What I do find odd in contrast is the "proud" lingo that implies some kind of achievement. Proud of what? Having bagged a husband? Is there some kind of superiority inherent in that?

Back in the heady days of the 90s, when banks and building societies handed out bonuses and share certificates like confetti, they always went to the first named person on the account, who was always ... (Guess).

DH and I treat all assets as shared, so him getting all the shares was OK, but I'm sure there were thousands of couples where the men pocketed the shares for themselves. It can make a real difference, not just symbolic.

😱

I've not experienced this recently and our council tax is actually in the name of Mrs Igel Kott and Mr Igel Kott which is quite amazing.

But I mentioned on another thread recently that I had the "we're only speaking to Mr because his name is first on the account" at NTL (which became Virgin Media) but I got around that by threatening to cancel the DD if they refused to speak to me.

Although 02 decided that I was Mr rather than Mrs, even though my first name is very female and isn't unisex...

Service department sent confirmation of date to husband when specifically told not to.

A breach of GDPR. Imagine if people took that seriously.

Recently on holiday and received an invitation to a wine tasting as Mr and Mrs Husband'sFirstName Surname.

I went to reception and told them it was the 21st century and I have a first name of my own and expect them to use it.

Today. My car, registered keeper, only driver, arranging service. All agreed with a service bot via email. Service department sent confirmation of date to husband when specifically told not to.

Infuriating, isn't it ?