Is this casual sexism or just outdated language from my husband?

That’s ridiculous. Gender ideology is not the only thing that matters and this debate has nothing at all to do with gender ideology.

sexism is when someone thinks women are less valuable than men in some way, and using male as a default is one behaviour that betrays a deeper sexism.

@TheywontletmehavethenameIwant I'm married and absolutely was not going to become a Ms HisName! I was 41 so most of my friends were already married (or married and divorced) at this point; all still had assumed the default of Mrs HisName. However, two friends of mine have both married more recently (one late 30s, one mid-40s), and both are Ms TheirName ❤️

Casual sexism and microaggression. Not ok.

One of my bug bears for decades, I'm not married though, so none of my friends who did get married paid any attention to me. 😔
That might be because I 'framed' it as entrenched domestic servitude, and complained that they were endorsing they own status as property because they were participating in the enslavement of women through marriage. 🤪

There's (casual?) sexism in becoming a Mrs HisName. Still the majority of women in the UK do it though!

Just always use this mental calculator:

Does he think men can become women?

If yes, he's probably sexist.

Does he generically say he when referring to unknown people or objects?

If yes, and this bothers you, then you're probably an idiot.

It wasn’t at all obvious to me when I was a child in the seventies and I remember going on to catch adults and friends out with it. It is a little bit of positive news that it doesn’t seem to work anymore.

I say I dont want to see a male doctor when booking.

Im not talking about kids of course, it would be obvious to anyone, then and now the surgeon is the mum.

No it’s not! Most people would say “her boss should have done something about that, why didn’t they”

Try it and see. I’m a primary teacher so I have the opportunity. The last time I tried it, they not only got it right immediately but they also thought that the answer was obvious and that it was a dumb question to ask! You only have to look at children’s books to see why this is the case. Doctors are frequently portrayed as female, in contrast to when I was a child, when they were always shown as male.

In France a group of women is Elles, if just one man joins them it becomes Ils.

I get more annoyed with people saying I saw a lady doctor, nobody ever says man doctor.

This!

It's so wearing when people default to "he" for everything unknown/inanimate. Sometimes, sure. But mix it up with she or they sometimes! The garden example is particularly odd, really nice ones will usually have more than one person working on it: I'd have thought that "they" was by far the more natural option there. Or phrased as "someone's been doing a good job" etc.

Commiserations, OP. Maybe he'll get it if you keep highlighting it.

I use he as the default. It’s just a generic thing. Though I think nurses are she! My car doesn’t have a sex, it’s an it, or my car. The lady moving the she plant I don’t get, that would be it for me.

In Ireland police are called Garda, if it is female we might say, the ban Garda gave me a speeding ticket to differentiate that she is female compared to a standard male Garda. Because in Irish language use “ban” means woman.

I've never heard anyone refer to cows as male, because we all know what a bull is! I’ve often heard people say ‘de Missus’. Such as Johnnie how are you and how’s de Missus…

My partner uses he as the default and it REALLY annoys me. He supports women’s rights, doesn’t think men should be in women’s spaces etc., but always uses he instead of they when sex is unknown.

So true.

Im not sure I believe that.

I’ve found that if you try that brain teaser with kids now, they answer straightaway that the surgeon is the mum, it’s plainly obvious to them. That wasn’t the case when I first encountered the brain teaser in the 70s.

I remembered this thread this morning I was watering the garden and talking to myself in my head said 'I'll move him out the way' meaning a plant pot.

Sounds like your English teacher was rather ignorant, the use of “they” as a singular of unknown sex is standard English and has been in use since the 14th century. We have no qualms about “you” being used as a singular and plural - “they” is the same except we also have he and she for an individual of known sex.

The use of “he” as a generic is pure sexism, there’s no excuse for it nowadays.

To me it's casual sexism, Like male is the default so everything is he/him.

Like when my Mum argued that Bluey was a boy. Kids tv show about a cartoon dog if folk aren't aware, she's blue and its refreshingly that the dogs aren't obviously male or female based on their eyelashes like paw patrol. Also, why was my mum arguing with me about it, she'd watched precisely 0 episodes where I was practically off book on Bluey at that point due to the kids love of it!

Ask him that riddle about the surgeon OP. You know - a young lad had a bad acciident on his motorbike, his father was called and went in the ambulance with him to hospital where he went straight into theatre for an operation. The surgeon looked at the patient, and said "But this is my son".😯

According to the Navy I am wrong, which just goes to show what you "learn" in your childhood may well be rubbish, and or that in the UK we dont actually know "our" traditions. Quote:

Another tradition is to consider ships as female, referring to them as ‘she’. Although it may sound strange referring to an inanimate object as ‘she’, this tradition relates to the idea of a female figure such as a mother or goddess guiding and protecting a ship and crew. Another idea is that in many languages, objects are referred to using feminine or masculine nouns. This is less common in English which tends to use gender-neutral nouns, however referring to ships as ‘she’ may refer to far more ancient traditions.

Although of course my explanation of ships etc being female and controlled by men may well reflect sexism in practice in the years I was growing up!

I also thought younger retired men should be different, but these stats prove nothing.

Parliament passes all sorts of laws that the general public doesn't agree with - and many of the men in Parliament!

And anybody who has seen TV series from the 70s and 80s, which are far more influential and reflective of society would know that in practice most men (and some women) had sexist views about women.

Someone saying in theory they believe in equal pay, in real life, and certainly in their work place doesn't and that is still true today.

Do you have the Gallop Poll links?

But the actual OP is about whether use of language reflects sexist attitudes or whether it is just lazy.

As to the argument about ships etc., being she, that has nothing to do with equality and far more to do with in fact men's sexist attitudes about what they control. Whether a ship or a car.

And worth remembering that there is now a whole generation of younger men growing up thinking that Andrew Tate is right so in some ways we have all gone back to sexist attitudes.

And women knowing their place.