Help! Son (13) with severely mental health issues thinks he is trans.

Camille2906 · 2026-06-24T08:37:06+00:00

Please help me with my want-to-be-trans-child as I am more and more freaking out as his mother. As English is not my mother tongue, please excuse andy mistakes. I am the mother of a nearly 14 year old boy who thinks he is transgender and wants to be a girl for one year now. Until now he has only socially transited outside of our home and any medication is not planned at all. All of it started when he became suicidal and diagnosed with depression because of severe bullying at school. He is also profoundly gifted (IQ is 145), has diagnosed ADHD and probably some autistic traits (autism was ruled out). He has been quirky for his whole life and has never really fit in for the most of his life. We now that the idea of being transgender got introduced to him online (reddit, discord, roblox) where he was encouraged pretty much and praised for being trans. We have never affirmed him at all at home but we tell and show him everyday how much we love him as he is without insisting too much that we think all this transgender thing is nonsense and that he is still a boy. I still try to tell him my personal opinion quite often because I desperately hope, that this way, I will be louder than the trans activists. We also completely restricted his internet access since he came out and control what he is doing (he knows about it). So no more reddit, discord, anime, roblox and so on. Since a week he is in a children- and youth psychiatric clinic for a stationary treatment as he is still suicidal despite all the therapies we did for the last 12 months. This was absolutely necessary. But I am freaking out about the social transition. In his new school nearly everyone was absolutely fine with his wish to be called Luna and not Felix. And also in the clinic they respect this wish and call him Luna though he still has to be in a shared room with a boy and use the boys facilities. He bought himself some skirts from his pocket money but he doesn’t have them in the clinic. I explained to him that his time there is about healing and not about wearing skirts all the time because I am not there. Because I am so scared of his future I told him what it really means to be a trans woman, about the surgeries, the lifelong medication and the risks and I even showed him videos of weirdo trans women fetishists. So now he doesn’t want to do anything medical anymore and changed from trans girl to demi boy and thinks he is gay (I’m fine with being gay!). That’s what he told me but I can’t believe him. He still doesn’t want to let go of this stupid girl name and tries to wear girl clothes whenever he can. Yesterday I visited him in the clinic and the girls made him his hair (he has long hair). Sorry for the chaotic writing but my worries are eating me up more and more. The more I research about all this gender ideology the more I freak out. His former therapist didn’t affirm him, also just the name thing…, and worked with the waiting approach. She told me that she thinks he has a huge identity crisis because he never fit in. Also she thinks that he is running away from the trauma of bullying in his old school by getting rid of this person and being someone else. I am so lost. How should I go on with my son. I love him so much and I just can’t sit there and wait. So if anyone has some advice for me I would be quite happy. Thank you for reading this long post!

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 01/08/2026 09:51

Bobbymoore123 · 31/07/2026 11:35

Your communication about your child is a bit strange, it sounds like you're communicating more openly about this here that you are at home?

Nothing strange about that! You'll see the same thing in lots of MN threads about difficult personal issues. It's an anonymous forum and a good place to express feelings and explore ideas and alternatives.

And if the OP decides that she has overshared she can ask for the thread to be deleted anytime.

Bobbymoore123 · 31/07/2026 11:35

Your communication about your child is a bit strange, it sounds like you're communicating more openly about this here that you are at home?

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 31/07/2026 08:09

For me there is something about "age appropriate" information. I don't know if it's helpful to confront a troubled 13 year old with horror stories that they're not really old enough to make sense of. People vary but confrontation drives many people deeper into a valued belief. Gently questioning can be better but parents are often not the best people to do that just because they're the parents and children sense when a parent's questions are emotionally loaded.

As for research, asking a 13 year old to delve into that information... neutral studies are often written in a very opqaue academic style and they depend on understanding specialist biology and statistics and scientific methods and language that's beyond most adults and surely beyond a 13 year old however clever and advanced he is. And where would he do this research? The net has some useful information but it is also full of all sorts of shite, some of it spouted by real live doctors in white coats. A 13 year old isn't equipped to deal with all that.

For me, protecting him from doing himself physical damage and helping him find other ways to express himself and enjoy himself while he matures mentally and emotionally, and letting him know that he is loved and valued - that may be the best that any parent can do. And that's what you are doing

Seethlaw · 31/07/2026 06:54

GrumpyPanda · 31/07/2026 00:47

You do understand the poster you're patronising here is herself a trans person and as such, probably has a better idea what of what she's talking about than you?

I really wonder about some of the people who post on here.

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A trans person, who was both a "trans kid" and a suicidal teen, and who would absolutely have wanted the adults around me to confront me on the matter if I'd chosen to transition, to make me think very long and hard about it and understand exactly what it was I was getting myself into.

Am I saying that what would have worked on me will necessarily work on Camille's son? Hell no, hence why I said, "if it were me". But I don't see what would be wrong with trying.

GrumpyPanda · 31/07/2026 00:47

ChristabelHolloway · 30/07/2026 17:02

You do understand that this is a suicidal child, right? And you seriously think making him write a thesis justifying his current belief that he is trans, for his own mother (who you might think would be a little more tolerant in the circumstances) is a good way to care for him at present?

I really wonder about some of the people who post on here.

By the way, for the OP, my trans daughter lives in Germany and gets her medication for free.

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You do understand the poster you're patronising here is herself a trans person and as such, probably has a better idea what of what she's talking about than you?

I really wonder about some of the people who post on here.

ScrollingLeaves · 30/07/2026 23:19

Camille2906 · 30/07/2026 19:14

My son was suicidal but him wanting to be a girl had absolutely nothing to do with it. This is the reason why he has been in a clinic for 5 weeks now and will stay there for another few weeks. He still thinks that he sometimes feels sad but the doctors found out that this is not because he still has a depression but because he has ADHD and is profoundly gifted. Whenever he is bored or understimulated he interpretes his feelings as sadness because he doesn’t know how else to describe them. When ever his brain and body get enough food, he is like a completely normal teenager.
He hasn’t have anymore suicidal thoughts since he started in the clinic. The doctors think that he gets suicidal thoughts when he made a mistake or is ashamed and looks for a way out. Telling everyone about wanting suicide gets him away from any pressure immediately and that is why he uses this in those special situations and not at other times.

I had contact to a famous German gender critic professor and he thinks it is not that unproblematic to simply affirm children when they are in a difficult time. This could lead to the point that these children might wrongly learn that being in the wrong body might be the solution to all problems because the doctors also affirm them. When this strategy doesn’t work anymore in the next crisis the kids will fight for medication because they are simply not trans enough yet. And it will go on and on. This sounds very logic for me for kids like my son.

Absolutely, yes, to what your expert says. Thank goodness you found him.

Original poster

Camille2906 · 30/07/2026 19:18

HoppityBun · 30/07/2026 17:53

I’m not following what you mean by “being so open minded”?

Ballet isn’t something that makes children think they’re the opposite sex. Mikhail Baryshnikov is around 165 cm in height had nothing on do with it. He is also heterosexual, as are many male ballet dancers

I feel for your situation

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I think I can promise you that my son wouldn’t be trans if he would have been born 10nor 15 years earlier. He would have chosen to be emo or gothic or something like that.

When he was young I simply didn’t care about stereotypes at all with him. He wanted long hair? Fine, get it. He wanted a sparkling pullover? Fine, get it. He wanted to do ballet? Fine, do it.

Today I sometimes asked myself if I should have done anything different. But I just don’t know.

OP posts:

Original poster

Camille2906 · 30/07/2026 19:14

My son was suicidal but him wanting to be a girl had absolutely nothing to do with it. This is the reason why he has been in a clinic for 5 weeks now and will stay there for another few weeks. He still thinks that he sometimes feels sad but the doctors found out that this is not because he still has a depression but because he has ADHD and is profoundly gifted. Whenever he is bored or understimulated he interpretes his feelings as sadness because he doesn’t know how else to describe them. When ever his brain and body get enough food, he is like a completely normal teenager.
He hasn’t have anymore suicidal thoughts since he started in the clinic. The doctors think that he gets suicidal thoughts when he made a mistake or is ashamed and looks for a way out. Telling everyone about wanting suicide gets him away from any pressure immediately and that is why he uses this in those special situations and not at other times.

I had contact to a famous German gender critic professor and he thinks it is not that unproblematic to simply affirm children when they are in a difficult time. This could lead to the point that these children might wrongly learn that being in the wrong body might be the solution to all problems because the doctors also affirm them. When this strategy doesn’t work anymore in the next crisis the kids will fight for medication because they are simply not trans enough yet. And it will go on and on. This sounds very logic for me for kids like my son.

OP posts:

HoppityBun · 30/07/2026 17:53

Camille2906 · 24/06/2026 10:04

Thank you for your answer.

But he is a boy and he is also not non-binary. I won’t change from one ideology to another. I strongly believe in biology and that a human being can either bei male or female defined by his biology.

He does not have to live up to any gender stereotypes and we never enforced them. He was allowed to dance ballet when he was younger, to have long hair as long as I can remember and much more but he was and always will be a boy.

I deeply regret that I have been so open minded but I have never thought that dancing ballet as a child is now used by him as an argument that he has always been trans. The same goes for his long hair.

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I’m not following what you mean by “being so open minded”?

Ballet isn’t something that makes children think they’re the opposite sex. Mikhail Baryshnikov is around 165 cm in height had nothing on do with it. He is also heterosexual, as are many male ballet dancers

I feel for your situation

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 30/07/2026 17:45

You sound like a very loving caring Mum. I am honestly not sure if you should go along with your child's clothing wishes and his name wishes or not. Who knows - there are no guarantees to any of this! But it sounds as if he has some good support in the clinic.

And I think that downplaying the whole gender issue with him and trying not to spend time on it when you're together is probably a good strategy. What you are doing by giving your son opportunities to do things he enjoys that have nothing to do with gender sounds really positive. Have as much time together with him as you can that's enjoyable and where gender isn't a topic of conversation. I wouldn't even try to have deep conversations about his feelings. You could just be an ordinary Mum!

And do look after yourself as well. You know what they say - this is a marathon not a sprint. Who knows what decisions your son will make as he grows up or where this will take him. Whatevcer happens you need to stay mentally healthy to support him. It's natural for mums to feel guilty and question every parenting mistake we ever made but don't let your inner sense of guilt spoil things for you. Even if he did something crazy he'd still be your child and he would still need you.

CassOle · 30/07/2026 17:25

The threat that their child will commit suicide has been manipulatively used to shame parents who won't affirm for far too long.

'ACLU Attorney Confesses: Transgender-Suicide Claim is a Myth
Arguing before the Supreme Court, Chase Strangio concedes that suicide is “thankfully and admittedly rare” among transgender-identifying people.'
https://www.city-journal.org/article/aclu-attorney-confesses-transgender-suicide-claim-is-a-myth

ChristabelHolloway · 30/07/2026 17:02

Seethlaw · 28/07/2026 16:02

Ugh. Right. I should have thought of that. Going behind parents' back to procure drugs for a young teenager: stellar behaviour, right there 😡

Honestly, Camille, if it were me, I'd make him put together a whole project about it. I'd have him write everything out and then formally present it to you. What are the various types of trans? Why does he think he is one in particular? What does he know about the treatments for it - in great medical details? What are the potential risks? What are the potential lifelong complications? What are the consequences on his future sexuality and dating? What are the consequences on his future fertility and how does he intend to prevent them? And so on. And also: how does he intend to pay for this lifelong treatment?

He wants to take an adult's decision, he should be expected to prove that he has thought about it in an adult's way.

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You do understand that this is a suicidal child, right? And you seriously think making him write a thesis justifying his current belief that he is trans, for his own mother (who you might think would be a little more tolerant in the circumstances) is a good way to care for him at present?

I really wonder about some of the people who post on here.

By the way, for the OP, my trans daughter lives in Germany and gets her medication for free.

ChristabelHolloway · 30/07/2026 16:51

Your child is suicidal, and you are freaking out over a name??

I think it would be better to put aside your own views about what your son should be and try supporting him as he currently is. No harm will come from changing his name, wearing skirts or having girls braid his hair. If he isn't undergoing surgery or taking puberty blockers then he will develop a normal male body and if he later decides he isn't trans then, from your point of view, all will be well.

This isn't about you. It's your son's body and his life and if he is this disturbed and fragile mentally, it won't help trying to force/ persuade him he's wrong about being trans. You seem to be struggling badly yourself and I would think some therapy for you could well be beneficial.

Shortshriftandlethal · 30/07/2026 13:49

TransParentlyAnnoyed · 29/07/2026 11:49

At the very start, you say she was severely bullied at school. And that you're hostile to her transition.

There's your answer. Dysphoria, bullying and lack of parental support is why trans children develop mental health issues.

Being neurodivergent is not the cause of being trans - it just makes someone far less able to hide who they are.

Support her and watch what happens. If you don't, she will suffer more pain and this will badly affect her exams. And you will eventually lose her, because she won't be able to trust you.

Accepting her will not cure her dysphoria, but it will ease it.

Trans children need their parents to be on their side, because street violence is very real.

The demonisation and vilification of trans people has made them a target for abuse.

If you really did show her porn images (which is what those are) then oh my God, that is not parenting. It's abuse.

Therapy will not work unless you accept her. You are causing her distress, not easing it.

Trans women are normal people.

You must choose between controlling and respecting your child. Then she can heal and get on with the rest of her life.

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The poster has a son not a daughter.

ScrollingLeaves · 29/07/2026 21:18

Ereshkigalangcleg · 29/07/2026 18:47

Also I think it’s really out of order that genderists come onto these support posts and start sheing and hering when a mum is referring to her teenage son with comorbidities. It’s certainly not supportive in any way, it’s just myopic agenda pushing.

And so meaningless anyway because the thread is for @Camille2906 not her child.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 29/07/2026 18:50

purplesox22 · 29/07/2026 18:31

honestly you just need to let your kid live their life. if they want to identify as something other than their biological sex, who cares!? people need the space and support to explore their identity and figure out who they are - i spent a year of my teens identifying as non-binary as i was figuring myself out. by the sounds of it your child is already going through enough as it is and you making them suppress their feelings isn’t going to help. they’ll only resent you.

Edited

Seems like you worked out that “non binary” is meaningless. There are many reasons why you can’t “identify as something other than your biological sex” but the main one it’s that it’s not actually possible to live as the opposite sex, and you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of unrealistic expectations.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 29/07/2026 18:47

Also I think it’s really out of order that genderists come onto these support posts and start sheing and hering when a mum is referring to her teenage son with comorbidities. It’s certainly not supportive in any way, it’s just myopic agenda pushing.

WarriorN · 29/07/2026 18:37

TransParentlyAnnoyed · 29/07/2026 17:25

I have two autistic sons (one also has adhd) and two autistic brothers (one with ld). None of them are trans.

My child who isn't autistic, is trans.

If you don't accept your child, you will lose her. We cannot love who we cannot trust.

I would suggest reading more widely about trans people, especially their own words.

You can't argue, threaten or therapise someone out of who they are. That's conversion therapy, and it's abuse.

I'll not reply further. Hope you and she can be reconciled, because she needs you.

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This is emotional coercion.

purplesox22 · 29/07/2026 18:31

honestly you just need to let your kid live their life. if they want to identify as something other than their biological sex, who cares!? people need the space and support to explore their identity and figure out who they are - i spent a year of my teens identifying as non-binary as i was figuring myself out. by the sounds of it your child is already going through enough as it is and you making them suppress their feelings isn’t going to help. they’ll only resent you.

Original poster

Camille2906 · 29/07/2026 18:26

And one thing to add - I never showed him any trans porn.

I showed him a reel of a middle-aged man on instagram who wore heels, fishnets, a too short skirt, a top, a wig and way too much make-up. This obviously autogynophelic man showed everyone on instagram his weird dancing as a woman when everybody was able to see this is a man with a wig.

This man was not naked and his dancing was not really sexy (he tried to, but…). Watching this reel was just really really sad for every sane person out there. So showing my son this reel did no harm to him at all but showed him some kind of reality.

OP posts:

Original poster

Camille2906 · 29/07/2026 18:15

ScrollingLeaves · 29/07/2026 15:54

The flying sounds a very good idea.

Anything real and away from the internet.
He’d be using his mind and body together in coordination and possibly reconnecting the two in a healthy way, and being in the wonderful sky!

Have you asked the expert you mentioned having contacted if this would be good, or for any other suggestions?

He is a leading doctor of a German University clinic for children’s and youth psychiatry and he is so gender critical that he regularly gets horrifying threats by trans activists. So which person can I trust more in this case as a gender critical mom.

He told me to try to get everyone on board to not affirm and socially transition him. A social transition is not that harmless as most people think it is. The longer our kids have socially transitioned the harder it will become for them to step back one day if they wish to without being massively ashamed. So at least the adults in his life should call by his birth name to keep reality in his life. It doesn’t matter in the end if his friends call him his preferred name as long as he is not engaged in any queer communities.

We should also concentrate massively on getting him more and more into offline hobbies outside of the queer community with people more or less down to earth, for example like this community flight club or his orchestras and stuff like that. He also told us to get him away from Social Media and dangerous communities like Reddit and Discord completely if possible in any way. And if we can’t trust him at the moment, no internet at all for him.

A gender exploring therapist would also be a good help after the clinic for the after care of his depression and to work on his self esteem and that he is more than his gender or his depression. We are still searching this person and might contact the professor for help with this again. I’m sure he had some names of connections.

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Original poster

Camille2906 · 29/07/2026 18:07

There is one point for me why I can’t believe in the being born trans-theory at all.

What would happen to all the trans people if they would be born and live like Mogli in the Jungle Book? A child like this would have never known that there are male and female people or men and women. This child wouldn’t even have the language for sex or gender at all. This child would simply be who it is because there wouldn’t be any other humans to compare itself to. This child wouldn’t even identify as an animal because it never had any language for the construct of identity. The child would just live a happy life the way its life is.

So for me no one is ever born in the wrong body or with a female or male brain. We are just who we are. For me the gender thing is something which comes from the community outside of the child and not from the inner self. Gender dysphoria always has a psychological root and not a biological. Of course for a very few people this dysphoria is so severe that changing their gender is the only help but for the majority of today’s trans people a therapy would have a better psychological outcome but would of course take a much longer time.

I’m simply not convinced at all and that is why I am protecting my child. And I am saying it again: If the price to protect my child’s healthy body as long as I can from any irreversible harm (this is at least proven) to maybe lose him as an adult then I am willing to risk that. But I do really hope that I can help him before being an adult and getting him away from the gender cult. Because then he is still an healthy adult and I still haven’t lost him!

OP posts:

DialSquare · 29/07/2026 17:37

TransParentlyAnnoyed · 29/07/2026 17:25

I have two autistic sons (one also has adhd) and two autistic brothers (one with ld). None of them are trans.

My child who isn't autistic, is trans.

If you don't accept your child, you will lose her. We cannot love who we cannot trust.

I would suggest reading more widely about trans people, especially their own words.

You can't argue, threaten or therapise someone out of who they are. That's conversion therapy, and it's abuse.

I'll not reply further. Hope you and she can be reconciled, because she needs you.

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Unless the trans person you listen to is @Seethlaw, OP. Transparent wouldn’t recommend that.

virgowoman · 29/07/2026 17:27

do you always accept what your child says and does? If they needed tattoos to celebrate their identity, would you agree to it?

TransParentlyAnnoyed · 29/07/2026 17:25

Camille2906 · 29/07/2026 12:07

I will never ever affirm my child in this trans ideology. I am his mother and I will protect him from these activists for as long as I can.

He has been suicidal way before his outing and nothing got better afterwards even if many so called professionals outside of our home affirm him all day long.

So if neurodivergence is not a cause of trans identity in young adolescents, why are there so many autistic teenagers who want to be trans?

He wasn’t bullied because he is trans, he was bullied because he is just very different from the typical child around him. If he was born in another time he would have been maybe emo, gothic or something else.

I don’t believe in any trans child. There is always a psychological issue lying underneath. If my son would have lived alone with us on a lonely island he would be absolute fine with himself and his body. I love him dearly and he can get every therapy he needs, but I will prevent him mutilating his healthy young body with everything I have.

I asked here because I wanted help from parents who just don’t affirm their kids in whatever they want and who are critical thinking about all of this. So just stay out of my thread and indoctrinate somewhere else.

I am myself also highly educated and intelligent. I read more scientific papers about this topic than all of you activists might have done. I am allowed to form by own educated opinion and I am sorry that my opinion doesn’t suit you. Well - no I am not really!

I have two autistic sons (one also has adhd) and two autistic brothers (one with ld). None of them are trans.

My child who isn't autistic, is trans.

If you don't accept your child, you will lose her. We cannot love who we cannot trust.

I would suggest reading more widely about trans people, especially their own words.

You can't argue, threaten or therapise someone out of who they are. That's conversion therapy, and it's abuse.

I'll not reply further. Hope you and she can be reconciled, because she needs you.