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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

'I've banned most men from my massage clinic because of their behaviour'

71 replies

GingerBeverage · 21/06/2026 21:19

Banning male access keeps females safer. Wonder where else this could apply?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy06xl9lj32o

Close-up portrait of Maria with long light-brown hair wearing a dark blue shirt and colourful dangling earrings, seated indoors with a softly blurred background including a patterned bench and framed wall art.

'I've banned most men from my massage clinic because of their behaviour'

After just a year as a massage therapist Maria has decided to be selective about who she treats.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy06xl9lj32o

OP posts:
PollyNomial · 23/06/2026 09:59

I, like cocobolo, am saying that the attractiveness and number of children someone has given birth to does not make it more or less appropriate to get sexual propositions as a masseuse.

Shortshriftandlethal · 23/06/2026 08:25

PollyNomial · 22/06/2026 21:35

Then why say she was attractive and a mother if you think that that info is irrelevant to being propositioned inappropriately?

You suggested that she thought it might be acceptable for a man to proposition a masseuse simply because she wasn't considered 'attractive'. She said nothing of the sort. You are trying to make a point about her use of the word 'attractive', but your point is muddled and confused and as such is barking up an entirely different tree.

PollyNomial · 22/06/2026 21:35

Shortshriftandlethal · 22/06/2026 16:49

How did you manage to read that conclusion into it.

Can people not tell the diifference between being aware of what goes on and with affirmation of it as acceptable?

Edited

Then why say she was attractive and a mother if you think that that info is irrelevant to being propositioned inappropriately?

womendeserveequalhumanrights · 22/06/2026 19:51

The massage place I go to has a big red notice at the bottom of every page saying 'These treatments are strictly professional and of a non-sexual nature'

Depressing they have to do it.

Newname26 · 22/06/2026 18:15

I see where. @poodlemum01 is coming from. I think I would also try changing how I marketed the business, especially if men are getting the wrong idea.

But TBH I think many Beauticians refuse to treat men.

Shortshriftandlethal · 22/06/2026 16:50

JHound · 22/06/2026 16:20

Even in the world as it is I don’t assume a massage therapist is anything other than that. I get massages regularly though so maybe that’s the difference. (Mainly Thai massage places because I love Thai combination massages )

Edited

Are you female?

Shortshriftandlethal · 22/06/2026 16:49

cococolo · 22/06/2026 14:36

So if she was unattractive non-mother it wouldn't be out of order?

How did you manage to read that conclusion into it.

Can people not tell the diifference between being aware of what goes on and with affirmation of it as acceptable?

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 22/06/2026 16:43

One of my friends is a complementary therapy practitioner offering massage amongst other therapies. Her ads state women only. She works from home and is perfectly entitled to keep herself safe.

JHound · 22/06/2026 16:20

MarieDeGournay · 22/06/2026 12:25

I think poodlemum01 is just being very pragmatic.
I don't agree in theory, and yes this is victim-blaming, but I can understand what she's saying, in the-world-as-it-is, rather than the-world-as-it-should-be.

Even in the world as it is I don’t assume a massage therapist is anything other than that. I get massages regularly though so maybe that’s the difference. (Mainly Thai massage places because I love Thai combination massages )

JHound · 22/06/2026 16:16

labamba007 · 22/06/2026 04:19

I love Thai massage. On every website I go on to find a good one they say ‘please do not ask for ‘extras’ it is not that kind of place!’ I despair honestly.

Yes!! I think Thai places really suffer from this behaviour. A lot of men making assumptions given the service and the background of many of the women. Vile.

JHound · 22/06/2026 16:15

poodlemum01 · 21/06/2026 22:10

I read this with mixed feelings if I'm being honest.
On the one hand, disgusted at the men involved
but on the other hand, if you simply call yourself a 'massage therapist', outside an NHS type environment, then yes, minds will automatically think 'sexual'.
I would, and I'm female.
Call yourself a beauty therapist or sports therapist or something a little less obvious, and less inclined to attract perverts.

I never would think that - nor would most normal people.

JHound · 22/06/2026 16:13

It used to sadden men to see how many of the massage clinics in my old neighbourhood had signs in the window aimed at male clientele stressing that no sexual service are provided and that the police will be notified of any harassment of masseuses. At my main place the owner said it was a constant problem.

cococolo · 22/06/2026 14:36

Snippit · 22/06/2026 04:27

The lady that I go to for waxing treatments has stopped booking in male clients. She had so many distressing encounters with them, absolutely vile. She’s a lovely lady, attractive and a mother of 3 girls, so to be propositioned whilst trying to do her job is out of order, disgusting!

So if she was unattractive non-mother it wouldn't be out of order?

Lordofmyflies · 22/06/2026 13:29

The problem is some men. You can call yourself what you like and some men will still be inappropriate. I have worked as an Osteopath for over 25 years, in NHS, private practice and with elite sports. I have degree certificates on the wall, registration certification, panic alarms displayed yet I would guess once every 2 years I experience an ‘incident’ where a male patient will expose his genitals or position his penis against me.

MarieDeGournay · 22/06/2026 12:25

poodlemum01 · 21/06/2026 22:10

I read this with mixed feelings if I'm being honest.
On the one hand, disgusted at the men involved
but on the other hand, if you simply call yourself a 'massage therapist', outside an NHS type environment, then yes, minds will automatically think 'sexual'.
I would, and I'm female.
Call yourself a beauty therapist or sports therapist or something a little less obvious, and less inclined to attract perverts.

I think poodlemum01 is just being very pragmatic.
I don't agree in theory, and yes this is victim-blaming, but I can understand what she's saying, in the-world-as-it-is, rather than the-world-as-it-should-be.

Koleev · 22/06/2026 12:06

A friend of mine was training in massage at 18. A male client completely disrobed. Creep.

There's a 'massage parlour' near me, entirely staffed ny women (trafficked?) from one country. The clientele is exclusively male, apart from a female acquaintance who turned up for a back massage and was surprised by the sign saying 'no sex in this room'.

BelieveInCher · 22/06/2026 11:47

poodlemum01 · 21/06/2026 22:10

I read this with mixed feelings if I'm being honest.
On the one hand, disgusted at the men involved
but on the other hand, if you simply call yourself a 'massage therapist', outside an NHS type environment, then yes, minds will automatically think 'sexual'.
I would, and I'm female.
Call yourself a beauty therapist or sports therapist or something a little less obvious, and less inclined to attract perverts.

Really? Because I have regular massages and I have never associated the term “massage therapist” with prostitution. I wonder why?

SidewaysOtter · 22/06/2026 11:30

The problem is not massage therapists calling themselves massage therapists. The problem is men.

Ah, but the massage therapists should state very clearly that they are massage therapists. And specify that they don't do 'extras'. And be prepared to put up with men who ignore all of that and make requests/comments anyway. Worth a try, eh lads?!

Obviously the therapists just aren't trying hard enough to keep perverts away, it's their own fault. Have we had NAMALT yet?

Hmm
ProfessorBinturong · 22/06/2026 10:53

Sports massage and beauty therapies need different training from Thai massage. Would you advise a bicycle repair shop to advertise as a motor mechanics to avoid people getting the wrong idea about what bicycle repair means?

The problem is not massage therapists calling themselves massage therapists. The problem is men. And possibly women who aren't massage therapists calling themselves that.

Shortshriftandlethal · 22/06/2026 10:06

labamba007 · 22/06/2026 04:20

Honestly it’s just you and many men that think something sexual. I never see massage and think anything but massage.

I do think that is rather naive. Unfortunately, massage advertised at street level does tend to have associations with 'extras'.

Shortshriftandlethal · 22/06/2026 10:05

labamba007 · 22/06/2026 04:19

I love Thai massage. On every website I go on to find a good one they say ‘please do not ask for ‘extras’ it is not that kind of place!’ I despair honestly.

Yes, all of those Thai masage places are assumed to offer 'extras'. My daughter went into one, just off the street, to request a back and shoulder massage, and the female masseuse looked surprised to see a woman coming in.

ComfyKnickers · 22/06/2026 10:04

poodlemum01 · 21/06/2026 22:10

I read this with mixed feelings if I'm being honest.
On the one hand, disgusted at the men involved
but on the other hand, if you simply call yourself a 'massage therapist', outside an NHS type environment, then yes, minds will automatically think 'sexual'.
I would, and I'm female.
Call yourself a beauty therapist or sports therapist or something a little less obvious, and less inclined to attract perverts.

Well then you're wrong and need to have a hard look at yourself and your attitudes.

mondaytosunday · 22/06/2026 10:02

@Supporterofwomensrightsshe runs her own private business and as it involves physical touch and partial nudity it falls under the ‘single-sex’ exemption to the Equality Act 2010. You cannot discriminate on sexual orientation however.
The difficulty for this particular woman is she wants to retain her existing male clients. This is against the ‘single-sex’ model - you can’t have it both ways. So she should say her business is transitioning into a single sex business, so she can retain her clients for the time being, but they should have an end date.

bugalugs45 · 22/06/2026 08:05

Seethlaw · 22/06/2026 06:10

There's a Thai massage place up my street. They have a notice right there on the wall next to the door, telling male customers to stop asking for sexual extras because it's not that kind of place. I despaired too when I read it.

in contrast a male friend of mine was offered ‘ extras’ at a Thai massage , and politely declined ( or so he says )

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 22/06/2026 07:55

A very experienced masseuse friend answered the phone to a booking while I was visiting. She went through the offer and finished with, ‘And I don’t do sex!’.

This was pre internet everything, she’d just have had business cards and a landline phone number.