Sorry this is so long and has taken so long to write that I have to go out now so will need to read any responses later.
I just wanted to add this in case anyone wondered why I’d start a thread then not engage
I go to a gym that’s part of a hotel chain with a pool and have been going for 15 years on and off.
After some health issues (physical and quite severe mental) I’ve been going 5-7 times a week from being practically housebound so it’s a really safe important space for me.
I’ve made vast improvements on my health and made friends, lost weight and started to change my life.
A lot of my mental health problems stem from childhood sexual abuse and later assault and I think contributed to being in more than one abusive relationship.
Because of this I am very wary and scared of men and even had to leave my last job as it included working with men in a small space and I couldn’t cope because despite telling them to give me space they wouldn’t listen.
The last few days in the gym I noticed someone who is very obviously a man using the women’s changing room which is open plan with benches and lockers except one cubicle.
He wears a one piece swimming costume and gets dressed and undressed either under a towel or in the cubicle so isn’t flashing anyone but I don’t want to get changed in front of him and the other women seem very uncomfortable as well.
No one has said anything out loud but we’ve all exchanged worried looks and I’ve noticed some women changing in the toilet who had no issues using the open space before.
Some hours are child friendly and I go just as they are finishing and I’ve noticed he’s been in the changing room at the same time as the women who have children with them.
I live very close to the gym so I’ve been going with my kit on then after using the gym I’ve been changing for the pool quickly in the cubicle then going to shower at home and just quickly drying off and throwing a tracksuit on.
But now my skin is covered in a really itchy rash from not rinsing off the chlorine and so dry from not instantly putting moisturiser on.
I also have been really panicky and frantically getting changed in case he comes in and sometimes leaving early because the constant state of adrenaline in case of being alone in a space with him is leading to panic attacks.
I went to speak to the gym manager today to ask why this is happening when it isn’t legal and the Supreme Court ruling and further guidance means he should be using men’s spaces.
I know the manager well because he’s been there for years so he was open with me and said he’s aware of this man and trying to deal with it but it’s difficult because he’s registered at the gym as a woman and there is no way of actually proving he’s a man (despite it being obvious) and he’s not sure if he can ask him to leave and say he knows he’s a man by the obvious things like his height, size of hands, gait and most importantly his deep voice!
He said that if this man just says he’s a masculine woman and insists he is then where does he go from there?
The gym is a separate business from the hotel chain and just using the space so he’s asking for legal advice but said he’s angry that this is on him to prove and risk an altercation with a man that’s bigger then him and clearly happy to ignore to the law so he clearly doesn’t have any respect for the staff or women using the gym and is just intent on getting what he wants.
This happened a few years ago when I was taking a break and the gym manager told me the man who tried it in the past just kept coming back and shouting “trans people exist” when confronted.
I don’t even understand what this means because clearly they exist or this wouldn’t be an issue?!
I asked what happened in the previous situation and the manager said most women stopped using the changing rooms and were arriving and leaving in their kit and using a hotel room to change for swimming next to the gym that they were discreetly told about.
The man stopped coming when the women weren’t there for him to invade their space but women had to sacrifice their space in the meantime rather then just getting him to be the one to leave.
The law is clearer now and this should be easier to deal with the previously but how are you supposed to 100% prove someone is a man when their ID says they are a woman and they insist they are? He’s a big man and I doubt any of the women want to challenge him either so we are all going to end up losing our space again unless there is a clear way of dealing with this and preventing it happening again.
The gym manager said he’s going to get legal advice and ask if he has the right to ask someone to leave based on just appearance.
I know a lot of women on here are very knowledgeable about these things and thought I’d ask in the meantime if anyone can suggest what the right approach might be? I’ve been looking online and can’t see any clear answer.
The TRA’s say they know they can’t be properly challenged or forced into “pants inspections” so they will continue to use our spaces and insist they are the opposite sex.
It’s really upsetting and frustrating that the law has been made so clear and yet it seems impossible to enforce.
Even if you ring the police and say there is a man in women’s spaces whilst they are undressing how do they then prove it?
Am I just being very naive over this or are we still in the same situation we were before the Supreme Court ruling only now it’s more frustrating knowing that the law is being broken and you can’t challenge it?