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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

How do you handle gender identity disagreements within a long-standing social group?

205 replies

GuinevereOfTheRoyalCourt · 25/05/2026 14:55

I am very firmly of the opinion that no child can be 'transgender', and that instead we should just embrace the fact that some are gender non-conforming and allow them to express themselves however they choose. I view the use of puberty blockers, x-sex hormones and 'gender-affirming' surgery on children as immoral.

I have participated in a club (my hobby) for many years which mostly includes middle-aged women of a similar age with teenage children. I have been aware for some time (at least 4 years) that one of the women probably had a trans child because of snippets of conversations that I've overheard and generic WhatsApp posts about trans rights.

Anyway, during a recent social gathering - one of the other ladies enquired about the child and it was clear that they have been transitioned for some time but are still only mid-teens. The mother of this child (who I've always got on with well in a superficial small-talk way) is clearly of a very similar mindset to Susie Green. I was quite horrified about what she was saying, but I sat in complete silence. All the other ladies were being really sympathetic and supportive.

This has really played on my mind. I hate confrontations and I really don't want to have any fallings out as this club is really important to me. However, I feel terrible that no other opinion was being expressed and that my silence effectively makes me complicit in the harm of a child.

How do other people deal with this sort of situation? I can't help feeling that most people don't even give much thought to this issue (hence the supportive voices from everyone else) and that we'll only stop this happening if they get to hear the 'other side'. But how can that happen if people like me feel too afraid to speak up?

OP posts:
Strandas · 25/05/2026 15:06

Not every social interaction needs to be a learning experience. I have people in my social group who I don’t have the same views as. I don’t think my friends are idiots, or unable to do any research to different points of view, they are all intelligent adults who are entitled to an opinion, or not to voice an opinion if they so wish.

If someone is going through a hard time and others are expressing sympathy, sometimes that’s all it is. You don’t need to necessarily agree with something to realise that people can be affected by it and sometimes just need a ‘there, there, poor you’, rather than someone to try and solve their problems which is what the other women might be trying to do.

Liznug · 25/05/2026 15:06

Thankfully I have never ever had the need to! Never come up in conversation thankfully

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 25/05/2026 15:06

Sadly, the others don’t want alternative opinions, or they’d ask opinions. They haven’t. They’ve just described a situation in their life without asking for opinions on it.

I have a situation in my extended family. I asked a few naive sound8ng questions, despite knowing the answers. Their response made it clear that no alternative opinions would be tolerated.

Concerned about health risks of this treatment they’ve started?
Most trans people die before they’re 30 anyway (!), often by suicide, so it’s fine to trash their body with hormones and surgery.

and so on.

Meceme · 25/05/2026 15:04

In that situation I wouldn't volunteer my opinion but, if pressed, I wouldn't lie.

I speak freely with close friends but am more circumspect with wider acquaintances. I don't shout my views but, if asked, would be clear and uncompromising. I try to be polite but truthful.

WallaceinAnderland · 25/05/2026 15:00

I keep my opinions to myself. Others may be faking it as well. As with most things in life I'm happy to agree to disagree.

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