Friend shocks me by suddenly saying he's female. How to handle this?

Not necessarily. It can just imply an agreement that it's generally polite to call people what they prefer to be called.

I'm a very uncool middle aged woman, and honestly I manage to get on with the trans people in my life largely because I don't consider their beliefs about their gender/sex to really be my business, any more than my beliefs are their business. Perhaps you should give it a go?

Hmm, I’m not sure he has completely magicked himself from a man entirely and completely into a woman if he hasn’t got a hair slide in. The eye liner, and the earrings are all well and good. Like the rock stars have. But a hair slide is the magic gadget.

I’m sorry for the flat earth, anti science ideological situation this man has brought to your door. A real dawning of the dark ages, even more unscientific than the first time around. What is the choice? Go along with his claims, or find a way to avoid being in such a dystopian situation that does not harm you, or your prospects.

Think of a way of sparing yourself the aggravation of having to indulge such false claims. Nobody changes their sex. Find a new partner, or new project.

Maybe next time you meet him, tell him there is a force field around you, and if he comes within six metres of it he will be magicked ‘back’ into a man. No more odd than his claims.

I mean, then what it comes down to is how important is this project and what will the long-term outcome be in terms of having to remain connected with you? I think you have several options but you have to consider them very carefully.

If the project is important to your business, and he's the only other person who can support you on it, you may need to bite the bullet and get through the project but hopefully once it's over you can go your separate ways?

If it's going to require really long-term and close work, and will forever link him to your company, is it worth dropping?

Or is there really no one else you can replace him with? Being that he's not an employee it's not an HR issue.

Personally, if a male friend told me he was Trans I would likely drop the friendship. I know lurkers might think that's whatever but I can't imagine choosing to remain friends with someone, in order to be their friend, I'd have to pretend I'm OK with something Im in firm ideological disagreement with. Another poster said even if they found Jesus unless they were trying to convert me I could tolerate it, but with trans ideology Id just rather not be friends frankly out of courtesy to them as much as for my dignity.

But calling a man "she" implies agreement with the idea that woman is merely an identity that can be appropriated by men if they desire to. It's not a neutral action.

Feeling sympathy with how some people are towards others does not exclude me from feeling sympathy or even concern for all sorts of situations and people.
It is possible to do both.

A lot of these men start thinking of themselves as women in adulthood, as a result of repeatedly indulging sexual fantasies where they imagine themselves as women.

He can be a ‘gender’, adopting feminine stereotypes, and enjoying his imagined self in his own mind, without saying he has to be recognised as a sex.

He can put on eyeliner, change his clothes etc but that is all. He cannot expect anyone to believe, or endorse, that he actually is a woman.

Oh- I wish I was a cool girl

That sounds like a you problem.

It's not nice when people are prejudiced, is it.

She doesn't have to go along with it. She can end the friendship.

But she doesn't want to do that. She wants another person to do what she wants, so she can continue to use them.

Self-obsessed, much?

I'd feel a right dick calling a strapping bloke Mary- it's idiotic and, worse, it upholds the insulting assertion that men can be women

I'd take a good hard look at some of the replies you're getting on here, OP, and avoid getting yourself into a situation that could blow up. This 'friend' hasn't shown you much respect IMO - a couple of posts on FB doesn't cover the fact that you have been put in the position of having made an offer to, essentially, a different person to the one you thought you were going to be working alongside. It's ok to reassess, and the fact you're already thinking that he is dealing badly with pressure isn't good.

You are being pretty horrible to this friend. Based on nothing other than theyve said on FB please use "she" theyve asked nothing of you and youre trying to sack them because you believe its nonsense they now identify as trans.

Youre not even considering that this might be fine, they might expect it to be hard for people.

Youre saying if theyd found Jesus at least it wouldnt mean you had to convert whilst also expecting them to firmly convert to your opinion gender is aligned to sex. I dont know why you cant accept your friend feels differently and use the pronoun they asked for

OP, you started this thread by saying that he was a friend. Later, you said

I didn't know him very deeply to begin with but now he feels like a total stranger that I don't comprehend at all.

I think you have answered your own question.

Do the project and prepare to shift your goalposts far more than he ever will. There will be no middle ground.

Or don't do the project and the only problem you'll have is you haven't done the project.

Doesn't seem like, from what you have said upthread, that there's much of a friendship to lose, so perhaps remove that from the equation?

This would be easily resolved by clicking the see all on any of OP's posts.

Apologies if I'm not the first to say this.

If it wasn't doing me any harm and it was clearly important to them, honestly I probably would be like "Ok Napoleon, shall we get cracking on this project then?" Why not?

@MiffedatMP

He cannot be a ‘trans female’ can he? Female is a strictly biological term.

Why is he a researcher if he does not know something so fundamental?

hes a man

he's always been a man

he'll always be a man

why should ppl affirm his delusion? Would ppl go along with it if he claimed to be napoleon or Jesus?