Inside the mind of a non-binary woman

I honestly believe that it makes the parents feel special and gets them and the child a lot of enjoyable attention. My mother would have revelled in turning me into a boy if that had been a thing back then.

This is something I have never got. If you have a daughter who thinks she is a boy, but at the same time know they are hyper vigilant and scared of violence, why in the past have the very parents who support this
encouraged them to go into places where only men congregate like men’s toilets and changing rooms?

"I always knew I wasn’t cisgender. As a child, I enjoyed both boys’ and girls’ toys, clothes and activities. I would wrestle with my dad before going to dance class with my mum. I wore Disney princess dresses with Timberland hiking boots underneath."

The internalised sexism is writ large.

I swing between finding this sort of thing deeply sad (how have nonsense stereotypes ingrained themselves so deeply in someone's psyche / this would have been completely unremarkable when I was growing up - what's changed for this poor generation etc.) and deeply irritating (this is just another form of, "I'm not like the other girls" / this entrenches the nonsense sexism because you're agreeing that not subscribing to those stereotypes means you must not be a girl / what sort of opinion do you have to have of other women to think any of this makes you special and differentiates you from other women?)

Sometimes I despair.

It's nothing to do with stereotypes they say, while demonstrating in every origin story that it is all, every little bit, about the stereotypes. Both crude external ones (wtf every teenaged girl had DMs in the 90s!) and internalized ones.

The complete lack of looking properly at other people. I can't think of any of my classmates growing up who were the walking stereotypes she describes her own sex as. Can you?

As a child, I enjoyed both boys’ and girls’ toys, clothes and activities. I would wrestle with my dad before going to dance class with my mum. I wore Disney princess dresses with Timberland hiking boots underneath.
Describes every child ever doesn't it?

Thank god these people take each other out of the dating pool. The tedium.

I appreciate your explanation, it makes a great deal of sense.

It also makes me sad that these girls were not supported when children to express the aspects of their behaviour which are on the more masculine end of the gender spectrum and accept themselves as normal women in the whole spectrum of what it means to be a "normal" woman.

Lots of us reject the stereotype of femininity without needing to convince ourself that we are not the sex that our genes dictate we are. I think you hit the nail on the head when describing it as a mean's of taking control of your life.

I think non-binary people can rest easy seeing as most of the population doesn’t know what non-binary means. Violent men don’t usually do a pronoun check before inflicting violence.

Trans/nb people live with a great deal of hypervigilance, which is very debilitating. They have to be hyper-aware of threat because anti-trans violence is common and, in many people's eyes, completely socially acceptable.
Using someone's correct names and pronouns is a way of saying: it's okay, you can trust me, I am not a violent person, you can relax.

Really?
That sounds like a dangerous assumption which could make trans/nb young women even more vulnerable than they already are, if all a violent person needs to do to get them to drop their defences is to use preferred pronouns.

They're just being honest. Being told you are one thing and feeling another creates a disconnect. Taking control of that makes as someone happier.

Lots of people grow up trans/nb and tell almost no one. But coming out , living as themselves, is profoundly healing of that disconnect.

Many carry it for decades in silence.

Of course basic respect of their identity makes them happier. Everyone wants to be seen for who they are, and to trust those around them.

Deliberate deadnaming/refusing to acknowledge someone's identity is rude, disrespectful and abusive. It's a power move, intended to hurt.

Trans/nb people live with a great deal of hypervigilance, which is very debilitating. They have to be hyper-aware of threat because anti-trans violence is common and, in many people's eyes, completely socially acceptable.

Using someone's correct names and pronouns is a way of saying: it's okay, you can trust me, I am not a violent person, you can relax.

Jesz - don’t normally comment on this board as I hold no strong views on a lot of- but wow that is next level naval gazing.

However, I have met people like this, finding themselves endlessly and continuously fascinating, not necessarily on this specific topic but any including mind numbingly boring ones. Therefore, I have to say - thank god they found each other!

God I'm glad I'm not Generation Me sorry Generation Z. You'd have no time to do anything else.

*they as in her and her girlfriend I should clarify.

That makes me think of ‘leg day’ at the gym.

Do they have little boob exercises that they only do on certain days?

I’m always touched by lesbian coming out stories, though the remaining closet chains seem a bit present in her mind still.

Sad in a way that this completely ordinary relationship seems so amazing and magical to her compared to the past - but I’m glad she’s happy.

How do you get someone's pronouns right or wrong when you're talking to them? Wouldn't you use the second person singular, (i.e. "you") with someone you're on a date with?
I see that farther down in the article she says someone upset her by calling her "girl" in bed, so if she doesn't know the difference between a pronoun and a common noun, she might just mean that her date didn't call her "girl". I don't know. Any ideas?

Ffs when will these people realise most people don’t walk around feeling like a woman (or man). We just are!

Non-binary pronouns should be me/more-me.

It's such toxic narcissism.

"Coming out as nonbinary felt like coming home to myself. I finally had a word to describe how I felt about my gender. I came to the realisation that not everyone feels like a man or a woman, that some feel like a mixture, or in-between the two. For me, I’ve always felt somewhere in-between a man or a woman, sometimes more masculine, other times more feminine, but beyond just clothing."

That all sounds pretty gender-critical to me
Whenever 'non-binary' is mentioned on this board, quite a few of us reckon that that describes us pretty well too!

I'd love the writer to bump into one of us so we could say 'why, that's exactly what I feel about gender stereotypes too! Isn't it lovely that we have so much in common!'😁

You didn't make the mistake of thinking your children had their own unique interests, preferences and personalities did you?

Heresy!

Put them in a box & assign a label!

I dont feel like a woman either, never have, I just feel like me, but I am a woman because fanny biology.

Yes I have also raised "non binary" --children, one even liked star wars AND barbie. The other had cars and a garage no dolls though . What a load of nonsense eh

I always knew I wasn’t cisgender. As a child, I enjoyed both boys’ and girls’ toys, clothes and activities. I would wrestle with my dad before going to dance class with my mum. I wore Disney princess dresses with Timberland hiking boots underneath.

Well it turns out I reared 3 non binary children and neither I nor they realised it.

So they are lesbians? It's all to naval gazey for me I struggled to understand what she was on about !