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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Looking for a gym with female-only changing rooms by sex: a journey

330 replies

2021x · 11/05/2026 00:16

I am trying to find a gym in my city (not UK) that excludes males from the female showering and changing rooms.

I was in my gym and there was a man in the changing room- no attempt to be female other than a sports-bra- and since then I was just stressed everytime I went.

I have emailed a gym who say they are trans-inclusive on a case by case basis and said I should use the accessiblity changing room if I am uncomfortable.

I have also put up a post on Reddit in the local page - that got auto-moderated, and then the same post on the national page that is going through normal moderation.

My post says this

I am looking for XXXX gyms that have female‑only changing and shower areas that are restricted by sex, not self‑identified gender.

I’m comfortable sharing these spaces with other females, but I’m not comfortable changing or showering in areas where males may be present.

If you know of any gyms in XXXX please sent me a direct message.

Wish me luck.

OP posts:
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7
EmilyinEverton · 12/05/2026 03:30

RatWrangler · 12/05/2026 03:19

Exactly what part of that bar graph do YOU not understand? 4.6% of same-sex attracted men charged with violent crime, compared to 2.4% of same-sex attracted women. I also note in that quote that you keep posting over and over

Among females, lesbians (including only a few females with exclusively homosexual preferences) were generally more criminal and violent than heterosexuals, although they were still less so than males (except for homosexual males)"

It states criminal and violent, rather than just violent. The majority of these criminal lesbians could be committing tax fraud for all I know. You are also ignoring that the majority of trans women are not homosexual. According to surveys carried out among the trans population the majority of trans women are either bisexual or exclusively attracted to women, so the crime rates of gay men are neither here nor there. Also you keep stating that prison stats are not good enough to suggest that this particular subset of males are just as much (or more) of a risk as other males, yet provide no evidence at all that they are a significantly lower risk. Your whole argument seems to boil down to women should just take these men at their word when they insist they're no threat.

Keep digging.

"This study explores gender differences in victimization and perpetration experiences of gays and lesbians in intimate relationships. A sample of 283 gays and lesbians reported on their experiences both as victims and perpetrators of gay/lesbian relationship violence by completing a modified version of the Conflict Tactics Scale (Straus, Gelles, & Steinmetz, 1980). General results indicate that 47.5% of lesbians and 29.7% of gays have been victimized by a same-sex partner. Further, lesbians reported an overall perpetration rate of 38% compared to 21.8% for gay men. Other findings were as follows: (1) lesbians were more likely to be classified as victims and perpetrators of violence than gay men; (2) lesbians were more likely to report pushing or being pushed than gay men; (3) lesbians reported experiencing a greater number of different victimization and perpetration tactics than gay men; and finally, (4) when items were weighted to create an indicator of severity, no significant differences between lesbians and gay men were found."

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9403987/

Next: The Patriarchy made me do it!

Victimization and perpetration rates of violence in gay and lesbian relationships: gender issues explored - PubMed

This study explores gender differences in victimization and perpetration experiences of gays and lesbians in intimate relationships. A sample of 283 gays and lesbians reported on their experiences both as victims and perpetrators of gay/lesbian relatio...

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9403987/

RatWrangler · 12/05/2026 03:19

EmilyinEverton · 12/05/2026 02:59

Exactly what part of "except homosexual males" don't you understand???

Exactly what part of that bar graph do YOU not understand? 4.6% of same-sex attracted men charged with violent crime, compared to 2.4% of same-sex attracted women. I also note in that quote that you keep posting over and over

Among females, lesbians (including only a few females with exclusively homosexual preferences) were generally more criminal and violent than heterosexuals, although they were still less so than males (except for homosexual males)"

It states criminal and violent, rather than just violent. The majority of these criminal lesbians could be committing tax fraud for all I know. You are also ignoring that the majority of trans women are not homosexual. According to surveys carried out among the trans population the majority of trans women are either bisexual or exclusively attracted to women, so the crime rates of gay men are neither here nor there. Also you keep stating that prison stats are not good enough to suggest that this particular subset of males are just as much (or more) of a risk as other males, yet provide no evidence at all that they are a significantly lower risk. Your whole argument seems to boil down to women should just take these men at their word when they insist they're no threat.

EmilyinEverton · 12/05/2026 02:59

RatWrangler · 12/05/2026 02:42

Can you please stop with this. The evidence you linked to yourself showed that this isn't true.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-024-02902-9/figures/2

And telling men that claim they have a particular sense of self that they need to stay out of women's spaces just like all other men is not an 'injustice' ffs.

Exactly what part of "except homosexual males" don't you understand???

EmilyinEverton · 12/05/2026 02:57

CornishDaughteroftheDawn · 11/05/2026 22:58

Ah yes, thanks for reminding us - it’s an important point.

There are a number of examples of judges letting trans identifying men (or ‘transwomen’ as you said) walk free instead of jailing them so the figures for incarcerated sex offenders who are trans identifying males will appear lower than it actually is. It is already quite a bit higher than other men.

There are also reports that trans identifying men in female prisons have had sex in the communal spaces, stared at women in the showers and sexually harassed them with little or no sanction. In a couple of documented cases, the woman complaining has been punished. This particular chap (below) has finally been put back in a men’s prison after sexually assaulting a woman in prison.

And it also doesn’t count the men that would have been charged with crimes like voyeurism or indecent exposure in places where if a man claims a trans identity the crime is overlooked and the woman told to ‘be more inclusive’ (or other such nonsense).

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4glne43101o?app-referrer=deep-link

Seriously? You actually believe 'getting off lightly' only applies to trans people?

EmilyinEverton · 12/05/2026 02:52

Helleofabore · 11/05/2026 11:45

I think it is always important to go back to the original source, which says this:

”Criminal activity, particularly violent crime, is much more common among men than women in the general population. A previous study of all applications for sex reassignment in Sweden up to 1992 found that 9.7% of male-to-female and 6.1% of female-to-male applicants had been prosecuted for a crime. Crime after sex reassignment, however, has not previously been studied. In this study, male-to-female individuals had a higher risk for criminal convictions compared to female controls but not compared to male controls. This suggests that the sex reassignment procedure neither increased nor decreased the risk for criminal offending in male-to-females. “

Rape was not studied and yet this interviewer asked Dhejne specifically to confirm rape statistics. Of course the fucking answer will be ‘no, we didn’t measure that’. It was also irrelevant because the study shows a general pattern of criminality and specifically ‘violent’ crime.

safeguarding decisions are not based on only rape statistics so this focus on it is not actually proving the point the some male people should be included in female single sex provisions over 8 years old. However, the prisoner statistics show part of the decision making critieria - which is that risk that cannot be ignored.

And again, the Swedish study did not show that group of male people had a rate of committing crime at the same or lower than the general female rate of committing crime. Meaning they should not be considered ‘female’ at all for crime risk assessment.

I suggest you do your own investigations and calculations and stop relying on misrepresented opinion pieces.

"Additionally, the study was not focused on investigating criminal behaviour, was drawn from a small cohort in one country, and only indicated a statistically significant increased risk of conviction for trans people who ‘underwent sex reassignment before 1989’:[3] a time when fewer opportunities and resources were available to trans people in Sweden, which may have resulted in increased criminalisation in a similar manner to other stigmatised groups. The authors therefore conclude that the best outcomes occur when individuals also receive long-term health and social care support in addition to any hormone therapy or surgery that they might require."

Funny how one date can change everything.

RatWrangler · 12/05/2026 02:42

EmilyinEverton · 12/05/2026 02:34

You conveniently left out the most salient point:

"Among females, lesbians (including only a few females with exclusively homosexual preferences) were generally more criminal and violent than heterosexuals, although they were still less so than males (except for homosexual males)"

Your'e welcome.

Can you please stop with this. The evidence you linked to yourself showed that this isn't true.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-024-02902-9/figures/2

And telling men that claim they have a particular sense of self that they need to stay out of women's spaces just like all other men is not an 'injustice' ffs.

Same-Sex Relationships and Criminal Behavior: A Total Population Study in The Netherlands - Archives of Sexual Behavior

Sexual minority groups experience elevated risk across a range of adverse outcomes. Previous studies from the USA showed that these risks include contact with the criminal justice system for sexual minority females but not for males. This study examine...

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-024-02902-9/figures/2

EmilyinEverton · 12/05/2026 02:42

2021x · 11/05/2026 11:30

Great, you agree that a majority of sexual offences are committed by males towards females in private spaces which includes public toilets, changing rooms and hospital wards

Would you also agree that it is then impossible for a female to be able to tell the difference between a transgender woman and a sexual offender as sexual offenders are males that enter female spaces, therefore causing discomfort and fear for the female that can only be avoided by the exclusion of males from private female spaces?

Edited

Great, you agree that a majority of sexual offences are committed by males towards females in private spaces which includes public toilets, changing rooms and hospital wards

No I don't agree because the data doesn't. Most sexual offences are perpetrated by someone known to the victim in their own or perps home or in the workplace. Public toilets, change rooms & hospitals don't rate probably because they are usually very busy places making it an unlikely environment. If people who demand private spaces were at all serious about safety they would demand segregated work places & chaperoning at all other times, you know where realistically abuse happens.

"Would you also agree that it is then impossible for a female to be able to tell the difference between a transgender woman and a sexual offender as sexual offenders are males that enter female spaces, therefore causing discomfort and fear for the female that can only be avoided by the exclusion of males from private female spaces?"

Like when in the workplace or on a date? Next.

EmilyinEverton · 12/05/2026 02:34

HenriettaSwanLeavitt · 11/05/2026 11:21

@EmilyinEverton The point is we don't know if they are the same risk or not & given that lesbians commit violent crime at a higher rate than gay men its not so clear

This claim has been made at least twice on this thread and should not be allowed to stand. As PP have said, the data you posted does not show this. The violent crime percentages for gay men are higher than for lesbian women.

The report also states:
In all of these analyses, both male groups have significantly higher crime rates than both female groups.

You conveniently left out the most salient point:

"Among females, lesbians (including only a few females with exclusively homosexual preferences) were generally more criminal and violent than heterosexuals, although they were still less so than males (except for homosexual males)"

Your'e welcome.

EmilyinEverton · 12/05/2026 02:30

Helleofabore · 11/05/2026 10:14

“Because offending & incarcerations aren't the same. Most sexual violence not being reported skewers the data for how many males commit it therefore it's not possible to perform an accurate comparison with sexual violence trans women. The evidence is we have no accurate data on offending & we have plenty of survey evidence of underreporting of sexual violence.”

So, the general expectation is that all male people commit sexual offences at a much higher rate than incarceration.

Why then do you and others expect that male people with a transgender identity are not committing sex offences at the same rate as the rest of the male population and not being reported or imprisoned.

Therefore, this argument that it is incarceration vs offending will show the pattern is unchanged in that aspect.

However, you missed the important point.

There is no indication at all that male people with transgender identities in the UK committed sex offences at the same rate or less than the general female population.

It is actually irrelevant whether one group of male people commit sex offences at a slightly less rate than other male people. Safeguarding policy is based on risk profiles for whole categories of people that can be defined such as sex category.

Therefore male people are all excluded over the age of about 8 years old. No exceptions. No special groups. Because not one female person in a publicly accessible single sex provision should have to make an instant risk assessment of the male person in front of her as to whether that male person is going to cause her harm or not.

So, the general expectation is that all male people commit sexual offences at a much higher rate than incarceration.
Why then do you and others expect that male people with a transgender identity are not committing sex offences at the same rate as the rest of the male population and not being reported or imprisoned.

Speculation isn't evidence not to mention the statistical insignificance of the trans population doesn't allow for any meaningful conclusions.

It is actually irrelevant whether one group of male people commit sex offences at a slightly less rate than other male people. Safeguarding policy is based on risk profiles for whole categories of people that can be defined such as sex category.

Something being "policy" isn't a justification for continuing injustice.

EmilyinEverton · 12/05/2026 02:25

Helleofabore · 11/05/2026 10:04

And the discrimination to women for including any group of male people? How does that work?

Because the discrimination aspect does work both ways. Discrimination to other male people (which was not tested as such) and the discrimination in allowing a group of male people into a female provision when that then discriminates against female people.

I never said it was tested but the judge did make the comment that there was a case for discrimination not to be upheld.

In terms of discrimination against women, yes they can make a case for it but again it's no slam dunk yet.

EmilyinEverton · 12/05/2026 02:20

bumblingbovine49 · 11/05/2026 09:59

Can you back up the statement that "homosexual men commit violent crimes to a lesser degree than homosexual women" ?

I find that very interesting. My understanding was that while there is not much reliable research in this area, that what there is suggests that homosexual men commit fewer violent crimes than heterosexual males but that this is still at a higher level than for women. I'm not sure about comparing with the subset of homosexual women but if compared with all women, the level of violence amongst homosexual men is still quite a bit higher

I already have upthread. Excerpt:

"Among females, lesbians (including only a few females with exclusively homosexual preferences) were generally more criminal and violent than heterosexuals, although they were still less so than males (except for homosexual males)"

ElenOfTheWays · 12/05/2026 01:51

EmilyinEverton · 11/05/2026 09:32

The recent ruling regarding the Good Law Project v the EHRC did find there was “scope for a strong argument” that allowing a trans woman to use a female toilet did not amount to discrimination against biological men so I'm not so sure about an illegitimate discrimination claim holding.

No it didn't. I would advise you to take anything Jolyon Maugham says with a large bucket of salt. He's been known to tell the odd fib.

ElenOfTheWays · 12/05/2026 01:38

EmilyinEverton · 11/05/2026 06:55

No. The equality act that was in place from 2010 till 2025 permitted it. In any case, where the laws that changed are irrelevant to the research if no increased reporting was found.

Neither the equality act nor the actual law has been changed. It was never permitted under the law.

ElenOfTheWays · 12/05/2026 01:31

EmilyinEverton · 11/05/2026 06:15

The data you are referring to is inaccurate as it concerns incarceration not offending. Nor could there be any accurate conclusions made about trans women offending because their numbers as a community are too low to be statistically significant.

Name change? Or are you just good friends with Aisha176?

onepostwonder · 12/05/2026 01:14

ProfessorBinturong · 11/05/2026 21:00

I'm not in the mood for pigeon chess, but isn't it astoundingly homophobic to say that gay men have effeminate bodies? Not merely behaviour (which is also a ridiculous claim to make about the group as a whole), but their actual bodies. That they are physically not fully male.

I thought that nonsense went out with skull measuring.

This site is basically all about Schrödinger's body. Actual bodies matter when they matter and don't when they don't. The post is homophobic. It's just not worth pointing out on mumsnet.

ElenOfTheWays · 12/05/2026 01:12

EmilyinEverton · 11/05/2026 04:17

But very elderly women do not commit around 97% of all sex crimes, including voyeurism and indecent exposure.

Neither do trans women.

As a part of the cohort of men - yes they do

CornishDaughteroftheDawn · 11/05/2026 22:58

EmilyinEverton · 11/05/2026 06:15

The data you are referring to is inaccurate as it concerns incarceration not offending. Nor could there be any accurate conclusions made about trans women offending because their numbers as a community are too low to be statistically significant.

Ah yes, thanks for reminding us - it’s an important point.

There are a number of examples of judges letting trans identifying men (or ‘transwomen’ as you said) walk free instead of jailing them so the figures for incarcerated sex offenders who are trans identifying males will appear lower than it actually is. It is already quite a bit higher than other men.

There are also reports that trans identifying men in female prisons have had sex in the communal spaces, stared at women in the showers and sexually harassed them with little or no sanction. In a couple of documented cases, the woman complaining has been punished. This particular chap (below) has finally been put back in a men’s prison after sexually assaulting a woman in prison.

And it also doesn’t count the men that would have been charged with crimes like voyeurism or indecent exposure in places where if a man claims a trans identity the crime is overlooked and the woman told to ‘be more inclusive’ (or other such nonsense).

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4glne43101o?app-referrer=deep-link

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 11/05/2026 21:10

MohavePenstemon · 11/05/2026 14:17

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but I live in one of those US states people are fleeing from due to genocidal violence (using the correct facilities for one's sex and not changing biological sex on government paperwork) and the law hasn't changed anything. They're still in our restrooms and changing rooms because chain businesses are too afraid of negative social media campaigns getting their franchise taken away, and small businesses are afraid of review bombing. Opening up third spaces have been great for trans-identifying women and people who get itchy teeth using either sexed restroom, but the males refuse.

I hope you find somewhere, but don't count on official policy meaning anything. Use a few day passes before spending your money on a membership.

Women need to start lawsuits. That tends to focus minds.

ProfessorBinturong · 11/05/2026 21:00

I'm not in the mood for pigeon chess, but isn't it astoundingly homophobic to say that gay men have effeminate bodies? Not merely behaviour (which is also a ridiculous claim to make about the group as a whole), but their actual bodies. That they are physically not fully male.

I thought that nonsense went out with skull measuring.

NumberTheory · 11/05/2026 19:35

EmilyinEverton · 11/05/2026 07:35

My apologies try this:
https://www.bostonindicators.org/article-pages/2018/november/transgender-public-accommodation

Your request is unreasonable in my view because as I showed different minority groups of men like homosexuals offend at different rates so its unfair to classify all men as potential sexual predators. Its like saying all muslims should be banned from migration because a particular group of them from a particular locality in Africa practice FGM.

Also anyone who understands anything about sexual violence is the only precondition a sexual predator needs is an isolated environment to commit abuse. IE they don't 'need' permission to conduct their heinous acts. So I suspect that's the reason why you won't see an increase in reporting if laws change because permission was never the ssue.

According to that link there was a study that looked at the difference in crime in what they classify as public accommodations (hotels, bars, restaurants, etc.) between locations that had policies requiring accommodation of people according to self declared gender identity and locations that did not have such policies.

This disingenuous at best. In being used in this way it's clearly an attempt to hide whether women are more victimized when men are allowed to id into traditionally single-sex female spaces.

There are all sorts of crimes in public accommodations. Comparatively few will be about sexual assault and harassment, or voyeurism in toilets or other women only spaces (ESPECIALLY where women are told that complaining about men who identify as female is itself bigoted and against the rules as such policies frequently do). So any change in such incidents, even if reported, would be swallowed up in the larger data pool of fraud, theft, fights and sexual assaults outside of women only spaces that will make up the vast majority of crime in the locations and will be unaffected by a self-id policy. It doesn't tell us anything about whether or not single-sex spaces are safer for women than single self-ID gender spaces.

MohavePenstemon · 11/05/2026 14:17

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but I live in one of those US states people are fleeing from due to genocidal violence (using the correct facilities for one's sex and not changing biological sex on government paperwork) and the law hasn't changed anything. They're still in our restrooms and changing rooms because chain businesses are too afraid of negative social media campaigns getting their franchise taken away, and small businesses are afraid of review bombing. Opening up third spaces have been great for trans-identifying women and people who get itchy teeth using either sexed restroom, but the males refuse.

I hope you find somewhere, but don't count on official policy meaning anything. Use a few day passes before spending your money on a membership.

Grammarnut · 11/05/2026 14:14

EmilyinEverton · 11/05/2026 04:17

But very elderly women do not commit around 97% of all sex crimes, including voyeurism and indecent exposure.

Neither do trans women.

Transwomen are men so are included in the 97%. They do.

Funtime2 · 11/05/2026 13:58

thing is @EmilyinEverton

I’m female and in my life I have never felt threatened, been assaulted or raped by wrinkled female skin. In fact, I don’t see female wrinkled or saggy skin as a threat at all.

I have, however, been assaulted, followed by a stranger and wanked over. I have also been attacked and nearly strangled, I have been groped, leered at and punched in the head. All the perpetrators were biological males.

Wrinkled female skin = no risk
Men = potential risk of all of the above.

BillieWiper · 11/05/2026 12:58

DialSquare · 11/05/2026 10:33

Yep. It’s always the same from the “be kind” lot. They really aren’t very kind in their behaviour towards some members of society (“eewwww, who wants to see old women’s fannies”).
What they really mean is, be kind to Men.

Yeah that's pretty much it isn't it?

Wearenotborg · 11/05/2026 12:50

HenriettaSwanLeavitt · 11/05/2026 10:25

Yep, identical script. Borg mentality.

Glad I’m not the Borg 😂😂😂