Just found out my partner has slept with transsexuals.

It's the lies that are the main problem. He knew that OP wouldn't like it and would have left him, so pretended to be 100% heterosexual.

Once the trust has gone, the relationship is doomed. He lied repeatedly. How can you be sure he won't lie again in the future to get what he wants?

I would leave him straight away. I would be telling him the relationship is over and you want no contact with him unless it's to do with the children. And I wouldn't want him to have any contact with your children unless is supervised visitation. If he is involved in that, he is too dangerous to have unfettered access to children.

"’mature transvestite slut seems man‘ & ‘tall sexy thick black transsexual slag’ "

Their hateful misogynistic language really is a hallmark of this ideology.

I'm a prudish woman who prefers prudish men and I chose my dh accordingly. That is a legitimate preference. I do not do kink, I don't like it.

If I found out he'd had a monogamous sexual relationship with a male friend in his early 20s (say, his housemate Dave) I'd be surprised and a bit thrown that he never told me but it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

If I found out he'd been hooking up with self styled "slags" he found on craigslist, of either sex, and possibly paying them - that would be the instant end of our relationship. Yuck, ugh.

This isn't about homophobia. It is not OK to wear down women's boundaries by calling them homophobic or biphobic or whatever, when her dh has been a total creep.

He should have married one of the many women that Butterme claims likes to do that stuff too. Only, I think not many women do, do they, which is why he had to keep it a secret to find a woman who'd have him.

New partner, no.

Someone I intend to have a long and meaningful relationship with, potent marry or have kids with, then yes.

I will ask the questions I want answers to and be prepared to act on the answers. If the answer is "I don't think that's your business" then that is an answer and I can act on that.

If my partner wants to know things, they can ask. I can decline to answer (I don't decline to answer if I see a long term future with someone) if I want, but it would raise a question in me as to why I don't want to answer - am I scared they'll reject me, or do I not trust them with the information?

A person is free to leave a relationship for any reason they choose , so yes if thats their ‘red line”.

it’s dishonest and repulsive on many levels - nothing to do with homophobia, I couldn’t get past using sex workers, the slag language, the porn addled trans fetish - finding out my spouse was bisexual wouldn’t bother me apart from not telling me

It's not really just bog-standard bisexuality though, is it? the language used is dripping in misogyny, and appears likely he was paying.
Do you think consent can be bought?
Do you think a man who is comfortable with words like "slag" and "slut" respects women as equals, and doesn't have any questionable values when it comes to sex?

I've already made this clear upthread.

It's OK to be sexually liberal. It's OK to be prudish. What's not OK is to be one and pretend you are the other so your spouse has no idea what you're really like.

There are multiple women on here who use apps like tinder or fabswingers to hook up with random men purely for sex.

Should their DH leave them because they had a few ONS 7.5 years ago?

For many straight trans women, we quickly realise that gay men aren't attracted to us and we have no other choice but to meet straight men. It isn't a goal or fantasy, as pissing in a safe toilet isn't a goal or fantasy.

Some trans women retain their p*nises for reasons that are probably very varied. Some, probably leaning into the understanding that it is a very desirable trait fetishised by a surprisingly large number of men. Such men are said to have gynandromorphophilia. I don't think it ever goes away.

In this situation, the partner sounds like he was acting out sadism with gynandromorphophilia. Not a great combo. I'm not a suspicious person usually, but I'd worried he isn't using a secret social media account to socialise with trans women on twitter or something.

Being labelled as homophobic is the least of OPs concerns I suspect.

Did you both say you were virgins before getting together?

Did you explicitly ask each other if they’ve ever had sex with the opposite sex etc?

There are many things that I’ve done that I wouldn’t disclose to a partner because frankly it’s none of their business.

Are you of a religion that disagrees with homosexuality?

Finding out your dh is bisexual could range from A) finding out he once dated his mate Dave for a year but it didn't work out, to B) finding out he hooks up with self-styled "slags" that he finds on Craigslist.

Very different scenarios. One is clearly much grosser than the other. This is not about being homophobic ffs

Sorry but I think you’re being homophobic.

Yes he should have told you he was bisexual but I know many women who experimented with other women before settling down and would not identify as bisexual.

I know loads of women who’ve slept around before settling down too. It doesn’t make them a bad partner.

Does him being bisexual really change who he is as a person?

I would be disgusted that someone paid for sex but I wouldn’t judge them for it if it was in their past.

If you had just met him, then I would say your values don’t align and don’t pursue a relationship but you cannot judge someone on their actions from 7.5years ago when as you say they have been a great partner since you got together.

What a shock OP. I had a similar situation last year, when I found out one of my DPs fave porn category was transgender. There was no physical interactions in my case but it really disgusted me in my very soul.

A few questions I would ask based on your situation:

• how did he react to you finding out?
• is he still fulfilling his interests through porn?
• is he interacting or paying for services virtually? Chat / subscriptions / only fans
• does he understand why he did those things? If he doesn't has he suppressed it? IMO more dangerous than if he understands the why - more likely to be closeted.
• what's your own sex life like? No need to answer here for the masses, but have you ever had any doubts about interest or compatibility?
• is he willing to go to individual therapy to better understand himself? Before couples.
• have you gone through his phone? Not for everyone but I'd be demanding it in this case. I went through my DPs with him right there when I found out about the porn.

If your partner is bisexual, then it's something he should have disclosed at the beginning of your relationship. If he had told you, then you would have had the opportunity to ask him questions and then make a decision based on his answers. By not disclosing this information, he's entered a relationship with you dishonestly.

Your partner likes sex with men, the transexual part is a bit of a red herring really. Perhaps he has a fetish for having sex with transsexuals? It doesn't make the situation any better if the men are transexual or not.

I'm not sure I could move past the dishonesty to be honest. My guess is, if you had known your partner is bisexual, then you wouldn't have chosen to enter into a relationship with him or have children with him. The likelihood is, you definitely wouldn't have gotten involved with your partner if you'd known he likes sex with transsexuals.

Him being bisexual is so clearly not the point, you are being so disingenuous.

If you (general you) are bi - do you hook up with strangers who call themselves slags online, possibly paying them? Does one follow the other? No.

Sordid hookups are nothing to do with being bi. The problem here is not the bisexual part. It's the sordid creepy part.

We don't need to "disclose" our sexual histories no. But it ought to be evident broadly where you are on the sordid to prudish scale, yes. Op didn't know her dh was into that stuff.

Edit to be clear I was using the general "you"

Your partner may not have cheated on you but is definitely not straight (probably bi) and that is a conversation you need to have. However I'm always aware that any partner will have a past and as long as they don't cheat then I'm probably ok with most things, unless you expect them to tell you about every date (or potential date ) they have ever had , but obviously that's entirely up to you and is a very personal thing. Not one of us can (or should) tell you how to react

A close family member's husband had the same fetish. He repeatedly told her that he would stop engaging in this sort of porn but instead just started hiding it better and escalated the fetish . She discovered he had been paying a fortune to trans webcammers from an account she didn't know he had and the final straw was when she found him masturbating in their kitchen while interacting with a trans webcammer. Grim.

She threw him out that day and then discovered he had actually been having real life sexual encounters with trans sex workers too, when she had the odd day working away from home. She was devastated.
They had no kids and it was her house so she was very, very lucky. I really feel for you OP tricked into a marriage with a dishonest man. The family member's ex is now getting some sort of help from a support group for sex addiction or some such.

Are you absolutely sure he's not still engaging with these people? He has lied to you about everything else, so can you actually trust him? It's really up to you if you can live with this knowledge but I know the lies, deception and serious ick factor would be insurmountable for me. I could never trust him again.

Do you think OP should tell any future partners that she searched through her DH emails? The most important aspect of a relationship is trust so surely it's relevant for future partners to know OP flagrantly ignores someone's right to privacy? Would you advice her to omit this breach of trust for any future partner?

@Tweetybye Oh be gone with you.

Don’t listen to posters like this OP. They do not have your best interests at heart.

OP also lied about who she was. She violated her DH privacy and breached the trust of their marriage by searching through his emails. How many people would be with someone if they knew they would be snooping through their phones, emails etc when not invited?

DH past experiences aren't anything he should be ashamed of. Yes, he lied, but only after OP shattered his privacy and trust so I don't see how he comes across as the bad guy here?