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Original poster

Just found out my partner has slept with transsexuals.

259 replies

ImmyNotNewHere · 05/05/2026 10:44

Yesterday I found emails on my partners phone from just before we met, where he is hooking up with ‘trans women’.

I know this isn’t strictly feminism, however I don’t want to post in relationships and be met with a chorus of how I need to be more ‘inclusive’ and less ‘bigoted’.

I have been with my partner for 7.5 years, and during that time he has been amazing, kind, caring, devoted. I can’t really complain at all.

however yesterday I was on his emails looking for receipts for accounting, and I searched a term and
at the bottom of the results was an email from a few months before we met, where he was replying to a transsexual on Craigslist.

I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I then searched for further Craigslist emails, and found roughly 6 more where he is replying to ‘’mature transvestite slut seems man‘ & ‘tall sexy thick black transsexual slag’ just to name a few.

He has responded in one of them that he is a ‘straight acting guy’ and in others that he is ‘bi’.

Anyway world has crumbled really. I’ve searched some of the people he was messaging and it is VILE.

I am quite sure he hasn’t been with anyone since we were together, but I still feel betrayed. He lied to me about who he is/was.

I also feel total repulsion.

we have two children and he is father to my stepson (Yes huge red flag which I am taking seriously)

I guess just need some advice.

OP posts:
SecretSquirrelLoo · 05/05/2026 11:16

This is very risky for your health. Have tests. Don’t have sex with him again.

TinyCottageGirl · 05/05/2026 11:15

So you've spoken about it and told him what you've seen? Is this a fetish and has he put it to bed? I don't know if I could stay with my husband knowing he's potentially gay or atleast bi, if I am being totally honest.

Original poster
ImmyNotNewHere · 05/05/2026 11:10

Emilesgran · 05/05/2026 11:07

On rereading your OP, you’re certain he hasn’t been with anyone but you said he’s “hooking up” with them? How can you be sure, unless it’s simply that he just hasn’t yet had the opportunity?

If that’s the case, it’s just a matter of time until he gets daring enough to take the step. And you finding out might well be that last thing that was stopping him from taking it further. So I think you need to prepare yourself to end things, because as the other poster said, this won’t stop, it will only get worse. Either you decide to live with it (I couldn’t but clearly some women do) or you leave him.

I asked him outright, and yes he has had sexual intercourse

OP posts:
SidewaysOtter · 05/05/2026 11:09

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry. This must be awful for you Flowers

If you have a look through this forum there's the Trans Widows threads - they would probably be a good source of support.

Original poster
ImmyNotNewHere · 05/05/2026 11:09

helpfulperson · 05/05/2026 11:04

The fact that they are trans is a tiny part of what is going here. Would you be ok with him hooking up with these people if trans wasn't in the description?. Unlikely.

No, the problem is that they are men. The tran part is really just a detail

OP posts:
Emilesgran · 05/05/2026 11:07

On rereading your OP, you’re certain he hasn’t been with anyone but you said he’s “hooking up” with them? How can you be sure, unless it’s simply that he just hasn’t yet had the opportunity?

If that’s the case, it’s just a matter of time until he gets daring enough to take the step. And you finding out might well be that last thing that was stopping him from taking it further. So I think you need to prepare yourself to end things, because as the other poster said, this won’t stop, it will only get worse. Either you decide to live with it (I couldn’t but clearly some women do) or you leave him.

helpfulperson · 05/05/2026 11:04

The fact that they are trans is a tiny part of what is going here. Would you be ok with him hooking up with these people if trans wasn't in the description?. Unlikely.

Emilesgran · 05/05/2026 11:01

Really upsetting to learn that your partner is not the man you thought. Though I’m not sure that it’s any different to discovering that he’s gay really.

I’m sorry I can’t tell you what to do it has to be your decision - but I can’t imagine anyone on MN would tell you to “be more inclusive” just because he’s been with trans women than they would if he’d been with any other men. It’s the infidelity that’s the problem. And (potentially) your son - but again I’m not clear how the fact that his partners have been trans women makes that more of a red flag. It’s the deception that means that you can no longer take him on face value.

Heartshapedlips · 05/05/2026 10:59

I’m so sorry. There is a percentage of men who fetishise transwomen. Your partner is one of them. Men don’t usually learn to give up their fetishes. I think you should get ready to leave him, I doubt he’ll change.

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