Just found out my partner has slept with transsexuals.

Is it really unfathomable to you that a woman wouldn't want to be with a man that has a fetish for trans men, they have kids together and she has a son from previous relationship! He has hidden his identity. You can 'like' gay people but not want to marry them.

OP I really genuinely feel so sorry for you in this situation, I agree that I'm not sure there is another outcome but to not be together after this.
RE; the prostitutes in Amsterdam, did his friends know he went with a biological 'man' then? Sorry, I just cannot get my head around this!

Why do you think she hates gay men? Or why you are bringing lesbians into a thread about a man having sex with another man.

Very weird post.

The porn made him think he was bi/gay when he wasn't? So was he not actually attracted to men at all?

Across threads today there have been some very "odd" posts.

MNHQ has been kept busy.

Sigh

Own up everyone, who put 50p in the Omnicause twat signal?

I've already counted the tired racist tropes about black women being the same as men who claim to be women; side swipes about objecting to sex workers cos empowering init; false teaming lesbians and gay men with men who claim to be women (and as so often, an unintentional reveal that they know exactly what the difference between males and females is).

Assuming Reddit's sending us its best and brightest again?

Do you think all transwomen are gay?

Is it just gay men you hate? Or lesbians too?

Your analogy makes no sense. What have black women got to do with males who wear "sexy" clothes and advertise themselves using words that men have historically used to denigrate and shame women?

Whilst not all transwomen are so deeply misogynist, if you have to compare OP's scenario with race, a closer competitor would be someone having a fetish for people that wear black face.

I'm guessing your last paragraph is a weak attempt to defend men's rights to the bodies of prostituted women (or men, in this case).

You say your partner’s interactions were all pre your relationship and that before you learnt this you were very happy with him. I think you should take some thinking time before you thriow everything away. Which bit exactly is the problem with. Is it potential future infidelity? Maybe you should ask him if he is fulfilled sexually with your relationship, if he is he may never choose to look elsewhere. I am bi and have no intention of ever sleeping with any one other than my wife ever again.

You say you are worried about your son? Why? A bi (or gay) man is no more likely to be a paedophile than any other man you have a relationship with.

Is it the idea of him having had sex with men? Most adults come with a history of previous sexual partners and sometimes experimental sex. Is the idea that he has had sex with other men in the past abhorrent to you? If it is you should probably be arranging your exit plans now. Only you can know what is acceptable to you and no one should tell you should accept anything you are unhappy with.

Good luck

Your story is very like mine OP. But in my case XH was still doing it but hiding it very well until he accidentally left an email open when I went to use the family laptop. After we split he has "realised" he is actually a transwoman too.

I'm gender critical and find all this wholly regressive, especially as a tomboy who fell into it and clawed her way out, but I kinda get the feeling that some of your problem is that it's a fetish for him. You mentioned the prostitutes and vile messages.

I'd be disconcerted if I found out my guy had sex with TW in the past, but it might be something I could wrap my head around if it had been because he liked those particular ones as people and was attracted to them the way any of us are attracted to others. But his reasoning is porn addiction and fetishizing, which is deeply concerning and not an issue of sexuality IMO. It means he's not looking at Lilith down the street and because he's bi saying "we like the same things, he has a nice laugh and kind eyes."

It's like the men with AGP who develop a kind of pseudo-bisexuality because they aren't into the men laying pipe, it's the debasement of being f'd like a woman, which is an act of erotic humiliation.

I'd wonder if he was seeing himself as the dominant figure in that kind of situation, where he's humiliating another man by lowering him into the act of being a dirty, slutty woman doing what dirty, slutty women do.

It's scary that anyone would see another human as fetish fuel, that's its own thing and is unhealthy on its own, but there's that secondary concern of him getting off on this giga misogyny. I'd be afraid of that specifically.

I feel for you OP. It must be a real shock.

Take the time and space you need to let things settle...you don't need to rush into making any firm decision.

I want to know why he has seven or eight year old emails still on his phone/lap-top - especially such incriminating ones?

Most people with strong fetishes only manage to suppress them for so long.

I'd struggle to believe he has entirely knocked this on the head or has he admitted to still using trans porn, trans only fans etc? If so are you ok with this? If he claims he doesn't use this sort of thing, I'd want to see all his devices to prove it. I suspect even if he is not actively engaging in any of this, he's still thinking about it during sex and masturbation. Are you ok with that?

For me the lying and deception even when challenged, plus the use of sex workers (and I'd lay money on there being more than 1 ) would be insurmountable. I understand you not wanting to blow up your family unit but do you think you can ever "unknow" this and have things just go back to the way they were? How do you now feel about the idea of sex with him?

You face some tough decisions and I wish you all the very best.

I feel gross even reading this. I think you should seriously consider leaving him and I don't usually suggest that. You deserve better.

That he chose to use prostitutes, again and again, and has an issue with escalating pornography use to the point he is (or was) developing new sexual fetishes, are massive red flags in themselves - even without the details of him being sexually aroused by transvestite men.

I think you should consider very carefully if he is the sort of man who is safe to be around children.