Grace Campbell - Alastair Campbell

some parents enjoy being able to influence their child's emotions, but I don't.

From everything you have said, you very clearly do and you have.

Go and read the stories of detransitioners who dearly wish that their parents had not capitulated to their demands and had not encouraged their delusions. And don't bother coming back with the "They are just 1%" myth.

Then read the stories of desisters who poured hatred on parents who denied them access to the internet and the toxic "friends" who urged them to run away from home and "go no contact" with their families, who now thank their parents for protecting them from harm.

You centre yourself, your emotional comfort now and your feelings about how you will feel at the end of your life, in almost everything you have said. You base your understanding of the lives of "trans people" on myths and misinformation.

Assuming that you would also "support" your daughter to medicalise, you are setting her up for a life of avoidable illness, pain, restricted opportunity for fulfilling relationships, sterility, early menopause and significantly increased risk of early-onset dementia and cardiac arrest. These are life-limiting conditions so you should be thinking about being there for her and holding her hand at the end.

If you can stop radiating self-righteousness for long enough, do her a favour and do some research instead of spouting patronising guff on Mumsnet.

Just for starters:

Society for Evidence Based Gender Medicine (SEGM)
https://segm.org/

The WPATH Files
https://environmentalprogress.org/big-news/wpath-files

Parents with Inconvenient Truths about Trans (PITT)
https://www.pittparents.com/

The Gender Dysphoria Trap
https://tullipr.substack.com/p/the-gender-dysphoria-trap

Detransition Pathway UK
detranspathway.com/

You're making assumptions.

Oh no, I'm suggesting the opposite, sorry for any confusion.

Gratitude is a deeply poisonous concept, and the roof of all abuse.

What I meant was: at the end of your life, what you want is someone who loves you. Not to provide care, but to hold your hand when you're scared. This happens right at the close, when the parent/child relationship.is inverted. It's a very tender process, and helps the child to say goodbye.

Until it happens, the parent holds every card. What we say, and how we behave, is deeply impactful on their mental health.

When my son came out, I was astonished at how much courage he had needed to tell me. He was terrified of my reaction. I felt the weight of his confidence and happiness in my hands at that moment, and hated it - some parents enjoy being able to influence their child's emotions, but I don't. I hugged and held him, feeling him relax as he realised it would be okay.

And I have seen other parents reject their trans children, assuming they will be able to argue them out of it, apparently not realising what they have done to the child's ability to trust them.

You cannot love someone you do not trust. Getting back that trust is a priority, or they will keep their heart at a distance.

My child is a trans man, as I made clear. And yes, sexual assault is extremely common - in school and out - for trans children. For cis girls too. And trans adults in their everyday lives. They usually fear and distrust the police, but reporting is an individual choice.

Sexual assault almost never has consequences. I don't trust the police either, and often the act of reporting is deeply retraumatising.

Rejecting who your child is won't change their path. I saw this play out between my grandmother and aunt - the former had very strong opinions about her daughter being gay, rejected it utterly and seemed bewildered when her daughter then wasn't as close to her anymore..

My aunt was never again able to trust her mother, and though devoted to her parents kept her at an emotional distance for the next 40 years. She still held her hand when she died, but felt difficulty mourning her.

Have you considered that this may happen for you? That your child's transition makes them happy? Because most trans people describe a peace which they never want to let go.

In order to regain their heart, you will have to accept them. Or they will be unable to trust you, and so keep their distance.

Please try listening. You've broken their trust by refusing to accept them, and telling you then being rejected will have caused them great pain.

I feel for you, because I'm sure you feel unable to bridge that distance. But that bridge is there, if you choose to walk it. Take care.

I have more respect for my son than to pretend to him in order to make him comfortable in the short term. I believe he has enough intelligence and critical thinking to realise at some point that he is rejecting those who love him on the basis that they disagree, not because they have suddenly and inexplicably turned into bigots. He's not an idiot, but he has been influenced by people who pretend they are the good guys but would be happy for him to self harm with hormones and brutal surgery. They either don't love him or they have a very twisted understanding of relationships and the world, and I believe he will find this out. I hope it won't be too late, and I hope the let down won't be too devastating, but if we are still alive we will be here waiting for him.

We (DW and I) do not believe that coercion is any basis for a healthy relationship, so we are mourning his rejection of us and putting out little olive branches while trying to respect his adult autonomy.

Oh no, I'm suggesting the opposite, sorry for any confusion.

Gratitude is a deeply poisonous concept, and the roof of all abuse.

What I meant was: at the end of your life, what you want is someone who loves you. Not to provide care, but to hold your hand when you're scared. This happens right at the close, when the parent/child relationship.is inverted. It's a very tender process, and helps the child to say goodbye.

Until it happens, the parent holds every card. What we say, and how we behave, is deeply impactful on their mental health.

When my son came out, I was astonished at how much courage he had needed to tell me. He was terrified of my reaction. I felt the weight of his confidence and happiness in my hands at that moment, and hated it - some parents enjoy being able to influence their child's emotions, but I don't. I hugged and held him, feeling him relax as he realised it would be okay.

And I have seen other parents reject their trans children, assuming they will be able to argue them out of it, apparently not realising what they have done to the child's ability to trust them.

You cannot love someone you do not trust. Getting back that trust is a priority, or they will keep their heart at a distance.

My child is a trans man, as I made clear. And yes, sexual assault is extremely common - in school and out - for trans children. For cis girls too. And trans adults in their everyday lives. They usually fear and distrust the police, but reporting is an individual choice.

Sexual assault almost never has consequences. I don't trust the police either, and often the act of reporting is deeply retraumatising.

This child of yours, are they male or female? Your language is a confusing mixture of "trans speak" and normal English, although you do sound as if your first language is English.

There have been many instances of 'corrective' rape (a repulsive term) to 'remind them who they are'.

Awful if true. Were all these "many instances of 'corrective' rape" reported to the authorities?

There is so much in your post that clangs discordantly, most obviously your unsolicited advice to BlueLegume, who has only said that her daughter is "lost to the cause" not that her daughter thinks she is "trans", although that may be the case.

This at the end is particularly odd, although just as emotionally manipulative as earlier points:

Please consider the vast power imbalance between a parent and child, and give them the comfort of a supportive parent. As a carer, I know you'll need it yourself one day.

You seem to be suggesting that a mother's love for her child is necessarily transactional, that, in return, an adult child is required to act as carer for their aged parent and that BlueLegume is shortsighted in missing an opportunity to build up a debt of gratitude and obligation in her child.

Is this the basis of your relationship with your child? That you exercise what you perceive as your "vast power" over your child, even as they are a young adult, in order to secure their service to your needs in your old age?

Criticising anyone for their appearance is unforgivable.

There is never any justification for commenting about people's hair, make-up choices or dress. Ditto speculation or judgemental comments about their scars, facial hair, genitals or breasts.

I hope you can reconcile with your child. My son is trans, and when he came out I had no real idea what that meant. Being very gender non-conforming myself, I thought I did - but that wasn't so.

When we go out, he will often be wearing a skirt & make-up and have his hair beautifully done. To say the least, I will not - he shaved my head for me last year and I've done nothing with it since, just let it grow at whatever angle. My mum still despairs of how 'manly' I am, years after the shock I wasn't gay finally wore off.

No one 'transed' him. I hugged and asked questions later, very aware that rejection at that moment would harm both him and our relationship. I now know from his friends that he knew who he was at four years old.

Afterwards, as he trusted me with who he was, I began to realise that I'd never really understood him. It's a privilege to get to know the real him, and to see how much happier he is.

Would I be happier if he wasn't trans? Yes, because I've seen how much scrutiny he gets, how difficult it's been realising he will get no help from the NHS, and how much danger he's facing on a daily basis. School was bad, with constant threats of physical and sexual assault, but street violence and stalking are huge problems for trans men too.

Trans boys and men are targeted because cis men feel immense anger towards them, and consider themselves justified in attacking them. At school, he was told it "didn't count" if he was touched. There have been many instances of 'corrective' rape (a repulsive term) to 'remind them who they are'. His androgyny is always noted, and he has had many men try to grope him. He is eighteen years old.

I worry constantly that he will never come home. While I am totally supportive of who he is, having seen the difference in him since he came out, the fear is very difficult to live with.

But having seen him cope with the difficulties of living as a trans boy and now as a young trans man, I now know there was nothing I could have said which would have stopped him being trans. I would simply have lost him, and we would both have been profoundly unhappy.

No one would be trans unless it meant everything to them.

I mean this in the kindest possible way, speaking from personal experience: please try to accept your child. Life is short, and no one can hurt you like a parent. I hope you can reconcile, but that won't happen until you apologise. You have immense power over your child, and will have hurt them. They will keep you at arm's length to avoid feeling this pain again. You need to regain their trust.

Please use the power you have over them for good, because anything else is abuse. They do not owe you their identity - or their gratitude.

You will never be able to change them. If they detransition, it will not be because you argued them out of being trans. No amount of reading anti-trans hate will bring them back to you.

If my son detransitioned then I would support him just the same, and I hope it would be what he wanted rather than the usual reason - that living as trans became too much of a personal risk.

I wish you well. Please consider the vast power imbalance between a parent and child, and give them the comfort of a supportive parent. As a carer, I know you'll need it yourself one day. Best of luck.

Criticising anyone for their appearance is unforgivable.

There is never any justification for commenting about people's hair, make-up choices or dress. Ditto speculation or judgemental comments about their scars, facial hair, genitals or breasts.

I hope you can reconcile with your child. My son is trans, and when he came out I had no real idea what that meant. Being very gender non-conforming myself, I thought I did - but that wasn't so.

When we go out, he will often be wearing a skirt & make-up and have his hair beautifully done. To say the least, I will not - he shaved my head for me last year and I've done nothing with it since, just let it grow at whatever angle. My mum still despairs of how 'manly' I am, years after the shock I wasn't gay finally wore off.

No one 'transed' him. I hugged and asked questions later, very aware that rejection at that moment would harm both him and our relationship. I now know from his friends that he knew who he was at four years old.

Afterwards, as he trusted me with who he was, I began to realise that I'd never really understood him. It's a privilege to get to know the real him, and to see how much happier he is.

Would I be happier if he wasn't trans? Yes, because I've seen how much scrutiny he gets, how difficult it's been realising he will get no help from the NHS, and how much danger he's facing on a daily basis. School was bad, with constant threats of physical and sexual assault, but street violence and stalking are huge problems for trans men too.

Trans boys and men are targeted because cis men feel immense anger towards them, and consider themselves justified in attacking them. At school, he was told it "didn't count" if he was touched. There have been many instances of 'corrective' rape (a repulsive term) to 'remind them who they are'. His androgyny is always noted, and he has had many men try to grope him. He is eighteen years old.

I worry constantly that he will never come home. While I am totally supportive of who he is, having seen the difference in him since he came out, the fear is very difficult to live with.

But having seen him cope with the difficulties of living as a trans boy and now as a young trans man, I now know there was nothing I could have said which would have stopped him being trans. I would simply have lost him, and we would both have been profoundly unhappy.

No one would be trans unless it meant everything to them.

I mean this in the kindest possible way, speaking from personal experience: please try to accept your child. Life is short, and no one can hurt you like a parent. I hope you can reconcile, but that won't happen until you apologise. You have immense power over your child, and will have hurt them. They will keep you at arm's length to avoid feeling this pain again. You need to regain their trust.

Please use the power you have over them for good, because anything else is abuse. They do not owe you their identity - or their gratitude.

You will never be able to change them. If they detransition, it will not be because you argued them out of being trans. No amount of reading anti-trans hate will bring them back to you.

If my son detransitioned then I would support him just the same, and I hope it would be what he wanted rather than the usual reason - that living as trans became too much of a personal risk.

I wish you well. Please consider the vast power imbalance between a parent and child, and give them the comfort of a supportive parent. As a carer, I know you'll need it yourself one day. Best of luck.

Anthony Scaramucci thinks that caring about transwomen in women's sport is a ridiculous fuss about nothing.

"Please consider the vast power imbalance between a parent and child, and give them the comfort of a supportive parent. As a carer, I know you'll need it yourself one day. Best of luck."

It's the threat that's always made to parents on here - if you don't comply with all your adult child's wants and demands they will abandon you in your old age.

Anthony Scaramucci thinks that caring about transwomen in women's sport is a ridiculous fuss about nothing.

Criticising anyone for their appearance is unforgivable.

There is never any justification for commenting about people's hair, make-up choices or dress. Ditto speculation or judgemental comments about their scars, facial hair, genitals or breasts.

I hope you can reconcile with your child. My son is trans, and when he came out I had no real idea what that meant. Being very gender non-conforming myself, I thought I did - but that wasn't so.

When we go out, he will often be wearing a skirt & make-up and have his hair beautifully done. To say the least, I will not - he shaved my head for me last year and I've done nothing with it since, just let it grow at whatever angle. My mum still despairs of how 'manly' I am, years after the shock I wasn't gay finally wore off.

No one 'transed' him. I hugged and asked questions later, very aware that rejection at that moment would harm both him and our relationship. I now know from his friends that he knew who he was at four years old.

Afterwards, as he trusted me with who he was, I began to realise that I'd never really understood him. It's a privilege to get to know the real him, and to see how much happier he is.

Would I be happier if he wasn't trans? Yes, because I've seen how much scrutiny he gets, how difficult it's been realising he will get no help from the NHS, and how much danger he's facing on a daily basis. School was bad, with constant threats of physical and sexual assault, but street violence and stalking are huge problems for trans men too.

Trans boys and men are targeted because cis men feel immense anger towards them, and consider themselves justified in attacking them. At school, he was told it "didn't count" if he was touched. There have been many instances of 'corrective' rape (a repulsive term) to 'remind them who they are'. His androgyny is always noted, and he has had many men try to grope him. He is eighteen years old.

I worry constantly that he will never come home. While I am totally supportive of who he is, having seen the difference in him since he came out, the fear is very difficult to live with.

But having seen him cope with the difficulties of living as a trans boy and now as a young trans man, I now know there was nothing I could have said which would have stopped him being trans. I would simply have lost him, and we would both have been profoundly unhappy.

No one would be trans unless it meant everything to them.

I mean this in the kindest possible way, speaking from personal experience: please try to accept your child. Life is short, and no one can hurt you like a parent. I hope you can reconcile, but that won't happen until you apologise. You have immense power over your child, and will have hurt them. They will keep you at arm's length to avoid feeling this pain again. You need to regain their trust.

Please use the power you have over them for good, because anything else is abuse. They do not owe you their identity - or their gratitude.

You will never be able to change them. If they detransition, it will not be because you argued them out of being trans. No amount of reading anti-trans hate will bring them back to you.

If my son detransitioned then I would support him just the same, and I hope it would be what he wanted rather than the usual reason - that living as trans became too much of a personal risk.

I wish you well. Please consider the vast power imbalance between a parent and child, and give them the comfort of a supportive parent. As a carer, I know you'll need it yourself one day. Best of luck.

Me too! He just always seems like a good egg, along with being intelligent and funny and having absolutely no truck with 'woke tosh'.

I found Anthony Scaramucci interesting to listen to about US politics, I'm sure there were a couple of subscriber episodes of TRIH he was on. Self-deprecating too, unlike Campbell (for whom it really seemed to smart that Sandbrook was right and he wasn't...)

And LOL at the 'emotional support pen' - I can't unsee that now

If I have missed any threads already started about this then apologies.

I am literally lost for words on the post she added to her podcast along with Charlie Craggs.

My own daughter has been lost to this cause. I am hoping I get her back. How utterly vile can a young woman be - Grace Campbell - towards women who have worked so hard to give her such privilege. I might be ugly and a freak Grace with awful hair. But I am not a mean girl.

It's an occupational hazard for a man (and particularly one who has difficulty shutting up!) that he will sometimes be seen negatively for things he says.

Like what happens to women, then? But less often with the generous side of rape threats and sexual shaming.

This is a thread I started. I have been away for the day so not ignoring comments.

I would prefer we were not unkind in any comments to Grace Campbell equally to Charlie Craggs.

These kids - they are 30 + but they have been sold lies about gender identity under the vile umbrella of ‘be kind’.

Goodness how we nurture them back into a proper place where they understand all these amazing women have fought for their rights.

Honestly-rubbish and lazy parenting from the likes of AC.

This is a thread I started. I have been away for the day so not ignoring comments.

I would prefer we were not unkind in any comments to Grace Campbell equally to Charlie Craggs.

These kids - they are 30 + but they have been sold lies about gender identity under the vile umbrella of ‘be kind’.

Goodness how we nurture them back into a proper place where they understand all these amazing women have fought for their rights.

Honestly-rubbish and lazy parenting from the likes of AC.

I think she’s just a horrible, spoilt, cunt. She’s 32 years old. If she’s horrid at this point, she’s horrid. Shes no-ones job to save. Her smug attitude just seals it. I hope she does feel less than, deep down.