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Original poster

My son's girlfriend and pronouns

85 replies

BootMaker · 05/04/2026 02:07

I have a wonderful son, and he has a wonderful girlfriend who calls herself 'him'.

We had what I thought was a great conversation about performative femininity and there are many ways to be a woman.

But I don't think we did.

OP posts:
Hedgehogforshort · 07/04/2026 19:53

@BootMaker I have to say i really would not countenance such utter codswallop.

Most certainly in my own home i would not be observing other peoples beliefs, anymore than i would don a crucifix and say grace at the dinner table because a guest was a devout Christian.

And i would make it very clear to them.

Original poster
BootMaker · 07/04/2026 19:48

ScaryFaces · 05/04/2026 11:40

Were you under the impression that if you just explained the "many ways to be a woman" to your son's partner that they would immediately detransition? How embarrassing for you.

Edited

Well I do feel a bit of a dick actually. I think I upset a confused young woman by being a little dogmatic.

So, I actually came out of the conversation with a little more understanding in the way that young people use gender as a descriptor than the way I went in.

I am not someone that won't listen, especially when it comes to women.

And I'm never afraid to admit that I didn't see someone else's view.

OP posts:
Original poster
BootMaker · 07/04/2026 19:44

Abhannmor · 05/04/2026 08:34

Cue the resident tra : but women have been born with a womb. Are you saying they're not women? Continued ad nauseum.

Don't think I've ever met a boy or man who refers to himself as him though. Maybe some billionaire rap artist refers to himself in the third person. But that will be online or in interviews.
Imagine addressing a waiter or bartender with ' Can you tell him where the toilet is please?'

Agreed, however when hosting someone for a week it's very difficult to avoid pronoun usage completely.

Just play that one through...

OP posts:
Original poster
BootMaker · 07/04/2026 19:42

Dollymylove · 05/04/2026 07:56

What other ways are there to be a woman apart from the requirement of a vagina?

Show quote history

I do think there is a conversation about what society expects from women and how one doesn't have to accept genderism

OP posts:
Original poster
BootMaker · 07/04/2026 19:41

Myneighbourisanosyoldgit · 05/04/2026 07:36

How old is your son and his gf?

19, both!

OP posts:
Original poster
BootMaker · 07/04/2026 19:40

GlovedhandsCecilia · 05/04/2026 07:01

So are you going to use pronouns that the partner doesn't want you to? Will you keep bringing up the topic with your son as well?

No, I won't, I like to think I'm a reasonable person.

OP posts:
Original poster
BootMaker · 07/04/2026 19:40

parietal · 05/04/2026 07:13

So does your son describe himself as gay?

im fully GC but I’d just not mention any of it and use the preferred pronouns and ignore the weirdness.

No he does not!

OP posts:
Igmum · 06/04/2026 10:43

I’d like to know how old this girlfriend is. She could be anything from 11-12ish upwards and, at the younger end, may genuinely not have realised that it is fine for women to come in a whole range of shapes, forms, personalities and talents, none of which turn us into men.

SadTimesInFife · 06/04/2026 01:06

Screamingabdabz · 05/04/2026 16:22

I would find this very, very hard op. I think I would end up avoiding all circumstances that require me to be coerced into using male pronouns when it’s pretty bloody obvious they’re a girl. I would find it absurd and insulting. But obviously you don’t want to hurt and alienate your son. I would just be as avoidant and non-committal for as long as I possibly could until they break up or grow up.

Bloody obvious...she's a girl....

Hedgehogforshort · 05/04/2026 21:31

🙄

viques · 05/04/2026 21:03

WhereAreWeNow · 05/04/2026 20:02

Languages do change organically. It's also true that not all languages have generdered pronouns. But English does have gendered pronouns and the new linguistic rules being foisted on us by trans ideologues are far from organic.
This isn't how language naturally evolves. It's more akin to authoritarian regimes banning certain words/dialacts and imposing new words on the population.

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Exactly this. In living memory Welsh children were forbidden to speak Welsh at school, fortunately that is no longer the case which only goes to prove that in the end you can’t force language changes on an unwilling population.

viques · 05/04/2026 21:00

njird · 05/04/2026 19:55

it’s very silly and hard to keep schtum and not say anything sometimes! My daughter has a female friend who identifies as male and sometimes non binary,
in a relationship with a transwoman, who presents as a regular bloke. They call themselves a queer couple, but it’s a male/female relationship, so surely just a boring heterosexual one?

But they are a very special heterosexual couple, and if they ever have babies it will be fun to see how they try to register them on the bc.

CapacityBrown · 05/04/2026 20:54

Why does she want to be referred to in the third person all the time?

AStonedRose · 05/04/2026 20:36

I'm sure you can navigate this without needlessly being a dick to someone who's done nothing wrong, OP. It's really not difficult.

Starbri8 · 05/04/2026 20:31

ScaryFaces · 05/04/2026 12:37

Ok. And my take from OP is that regardless of her views or their validity, trying to lecture her son's trans partner about "the many ways to be a woman" is cringey and embarrassing behaviour, it'll be obvious to everyone why she brought the topic up, and she's naive if she thinks the partner doesn't already know this, or that the conversation will have any effect beyond embarrassing her son and making his partner feel awkward and berated.

Show quote history

Is the girlfriend trans ? I missed that bit

WhereAreWeNow · 05/04/2026 20:02

VoiceFromThePit · 05/04/2026 18:37

Language is organic, it changes, “rules” are transitionary.

Some languages don’t even have sex based pronouns, Finnish for example has hän for both he and she.

So who’s to say we can’t start a linguistic revolution and influence language fluidity by all using what we decree to be a new neopronoun, such as “Superior-intellect”. After all, new words are added and removed from dictionaries every year.

Languages do change organically. It's also true that not all languages have generdered pronouns. But English does have gendered pronouns and the new linguistic rules being foisted on us by trans ideologues are far from organic.
This isn't how language naturally evolves. It's more akin to authoritarian regimes banning certain words/dialacts and imposing new words on the population.

njird · 05/04/2026 19:55

it’s very silly and hard to keep schtum and not say anything sometimes! My daughter has a female friend who identifies as male and sometimes non binary,
in a relationship with a transwoman, who presents as a regular bloke. They call themselves a queer couple, but it’s a male/female relationship, so surely just a boring heterosexual one?

BonfireLady · 05/04/2026 19:46

VoiceFromThePit · 05/04/2026 18:37

Language is organic, it changes, “rules” are transitionary.

Some languages don’t even have sex based pronouns, Finnish for example has hän for both he and she.

So who’s to say we can’t start a linguistic revolution and influence language fluidity by all using what we decree to be a new neopronoun, such as “Superior-intellect”. After all, new words are added and removed from dictionaries every year.

So who’s to say we can’t start a linguistic revolution and influence language fluidity by all using what we decree to be a new neopronoun, such as “Superior-intellect”. After all, new words are added and removed from dictionaries every year.

Time to abandon this thread. If anyone is still here when/if the OP comes back to clarify the original ask, please can someone @ me back in.

Until then, I'll sign off with a polite request that if it is necessary to refer to me in my absence, it is respectfully done with the neopronoun 'fireself' 🔥 Thank you.

Davros · 05/04/2026 18:55

Behave

VoiceFromThePit · 05/04/2026 18:37

Language is organic, it changes, “rules” are transitionary.

Some languages don’t even have sex based pronouns, Finnish for example has hän for both he and she.

So who’s to say we can’t start a linguistic revolution and influence language fluidity by all using what we decree to be a new neopronoun, such as “Superior-intellect”. After all, new words are added and removed from dictionaries every year.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 05/04/2026 18:18

I don't think your son's girlfriend is going to be interested in her boyfriend's mother's views on anything, including performative feminity. If she wants to tiddle around with her pronouns she can. No-one really thinks she's a bloke, including your son, but it's not your place to say anything to either of them.

ALthough you might want to make very sure your son understands that a pronoun change is not a form of contraception.

halfpastten · 05/04/2026 16:24

My DD has a lovely male flatmate who goes by they/them and a few confused trans friends. I just avoid pronouns altogether when talking about them and use their first name for all references. They are nice, but deluded, and I'm having no part of indulging or encouraging it.

LlynTegid · 05/04/2026 16:24

Just use their name at all times, not pronouns.

Screamingabdabz · 05/04/2026 16:22

I would find this very, very hard op. I think I would end up avoiding all circumstances that require me to be coerced into using male pronouns when it’s pretty bloody obvious they’re a girl. I would find it absurd and insulting. But obviously you don’t want to hurt and alienate your son. I would just be as avoidant and non-committal for as long as I possibly could until they break up or grow up.

Myneighbourisanosyoldgit · 05/04/2026 16:10

OP seems to have disaapeared.