Company wide Teams call, one of the presenters had a very sexual picture, think Jessica rabbit style, inappropriate for work; starts speaking, all becomes clear...

Gawd, they live amongst us. My husband has a couple of these delights living "their true selves" in his work. Basque lad and another middle aged one who wears 80's female power suits with mini skirt n court shoes. Can't be very comfy either of them. DH is a H& S union rep and has not been popular as he has been a naughty boy ensuring that they respect the Supreme Court Ruling.

Women's clothes are policed due to the fear men will lose the run of themselves when faced with temptation. No one thinks for a moment this would be the case with a person who, whatever they may pretend to the contrary, they see as a man in a dress. Being allowed to dress in a sexualised way at work is strong messaging that they are not regarded as a woman.

I did a corporate job for the last 5 years before retiring and we were told to put pictures up. It just so happened that week I was harvesting Yard Long Beans in the summer of 2020 so I took a photo with a yard long bean as a moustache Cartel Style and put that up.

I didn't realise that the pic appeared on external emails.

Problem was that even taking it down, it still appeared randomly on emails.

Weirdly they never asked me again. Apparently it tickled the accounts team in Head Office quite a lot.

What's wild about mine is the shirt I was wearing is one of my work shirts. It's OK if I'm wearing it at my desk but not in front of the building? OK.
I don't get these company policies.

This sounds very similar to my ex colleague. We had a meeting in a private room at a pub (think they thought they needed us all to be drunk!) telling us he was transitioning and would be turning up later as a “woman”. He turned up in a red skirt suit with a white blouse which looked neat and professional. The next day he looked like he’d run through a jumble sale and picked up any clothes he could lay his hands on. I’ve never seen so many clashing colours and patterns. And this is how he dressed until he detransitioned 2 years later!

Such clear double standards.

I know a young woman who was sent to HR for a 'chat' because she wore an opaque white blouse to work a few times and various male colleagues complained about her being inappropriately dressed. She wore a camisole underneath the blouse so it wasn't like she was flashing anybody but she still got gossiped about 😠

I'm reading this and remembering the time i had to remove a picture of me because I had a tiny bit of cleavage showing because it was "unprofessional". Double standards in the job place.

no way in hell would my boss or my boss's boss allow or approve a picture of me on the presentation that was like this one

I'd be soooooo tempted to put that to the test.

And that kids, is why I'm virtually unemployable.

That’s the thing as well it’s either super slutty or twinset and pearls!! No women dress like that!! If you really wanted to be a chick you’d surely study how women dress and dress the same. Bonkers!

Not sure he's been in the news or top hat. Other days he comes in dressed as a man . He's quite young - mid twenties with a dodgy mullet or wolf cut as it's called these days.

One can be amazed, and disgusted, by the aspects of being female that a lot of these men can sexualise. Having spent the last decade plus looking into the topic and reading what they say amongst themselves (i.e. reading articles, blog posts, social media posts, books, and forum posts), I've learned that the male sex drive can be very perverse and obsessive at times and that some men really do view women as mere objects.

I've read about men who fetishise & roleplay pregnancy and stillbirth, men who fetishise & roleplay menstruation, men who fetishise & roleplay female childhood, men who see anime and Barbie dolls as their ideal female form and try to emulate them, and men who fetishise & roleplay being a 'suburban mum'.

There's so much that I sometimes wish I didn't know but at the same time I'm glad I know it because information is power and knowing that these things exist makes women safer because they'll be able to see the warning signs.

It must be a most excellent filter to enable a person with a likely hip to waist ratio of 1.1 to resemble Jessica Rabbit.

Quite a few TiMs rock the frumpy look too, they are able to take absolutely ANY aspect of female life and sexualise it, even things like knitting and book clubs. I've read blog posts where these men extol how their frumpiness proves they are real women and proves they are not like those other men who dress inappropriately 🙄

I feel like my TiM colleague missed some kind of memo about the fetish.

One Friday he sat the team down and 'came out' as trans 🙄

The following Monday he came into work dressed like a harried dinner lady.

I thought he might've been taking a gentle route in and would ramp up the fetish.

But he never did, just stuck with the sleep deprived school cook vibe. Okay.

@Mairseydotesanddoseydotes it sounds like it wasn't an avatar but an actual photo of the man

Just to be clear, if an actual woman did this she'd be told to change the avatar and tone it down. 100%. Ugh. Indulging this at the highest level of this company is so gross.

Agreed. In many cases, all we are asking for is these men to be required to adhere to the same standards and rules that are enforced in the rest of us. It is utterly divisive and cowardly of management to let him indulge himself without comment.

Maybe you could organise a company wide protest - everyone using a plain grey blank avatar for example so this garish image stands out further. Trouble is there will too many who support his behaviour.

Sad Times, @StellaAndCrow !

Why will the senior blokes never speak out to these numpties about dress code and appropriate attire?

A bloke where I work came to a work party in a dress that had most of its front missing.

If he’d been a woman it would have been obscene. He’s left now, fortunately.

Not sure if it's the same workplace, but I remember a woman getting pulled into HR for a "be kind" warning.

Because a trans-identified man reported her for leaving the women's toilets when he came in. He tried to engage her in a chat about lipstick and she left, so he was SAD. And reported her.