'Like a trap you can't escape': The women who regret being mothers

This is very nasty remark.

I don’t think that’s a majority view. I’m sure some will seize on it to justify their own choices.

@AgingLikeGazpacho "Today's society expects so much from mothers and not enough from fathers"

This isn't ever going to change radically. It's a modern fantasy that men will take on 50% of childcare, beyond a handful.

Luckily, we now have control over contraception and abortion.

That's nice, dear.

Firstly, don't fucking accuse me of being on a 'high horse'. Yes, I did know it but I'm not gloating over those who didn't. I knew I wasn't cut out for motherhood but that is not to say I sneer at those who didn't know how it would be or how they would feel about it. THAT'S why I said the downsides should be spoken about more, rather than presenting it as some sort of sunlit uplands of womanhood.

And secondly, you can give over with this idea that 'it will pass' because clearly for some - at least - it doesn't. I know women who desperately regret children and it doesn't bloody pass and they haven't ever changed their minds, even when their children were adults. How patronising

I think what I hadn't anticipated was that in a marriage that had been fully equal up to the point of pregnancy, parenting would not be 50:50 even with a willing husband. At least in my case, my baby has such a strong attachment to me and insists on spending pretty much every waking hour with me, cries when being separated (even for some fun activity with her father) and I get almost 0 peace or time to myself to fully relax.

I guess what I hadn't anticipated was the level of need that a baby could have on just one parent, and the guilt I'd feel from not meeting her needs. The guilt of always feeling I'm not giving enough of myself to her whilst also feeling like I'm failing at being a good friend/daughter/sister/employee due to spinning so many plates at the same time. I feel guilt going to work, and anxiety about future finances if I don't work.

Basically, I've gone from having a fairly stress-free life that was dedicated towards self development and connection with a wide network of people to dedicating myself to the development of one small being and connection with mostly just them.

She's only 19 months old, so I'm hoping and praying that she starts feeling less anxious about me always being there for her. Because as lovely as it is to be loved, this level of love and need is suffocating.

Obviously I adore her, but all the feelings are very conflicting and confusing and I feel like many women don't raise them in fear that people doubt they love their kids. I think if we didn't love our children and care about their happiness then we wouldn't feel so trapped and anxious.

Today's society expects so much from mothers and not enough from fathers

But many women had children and the feelings come AFTER. So you can sit on your high horse floating "I knew it!" but that isn't relative to women who did want children and then felt the harsh reality of it.

And additionally, it sounds like the first women (I haven't read the full article) still has a child and so what they feel like they regret now, they may regret saying later on, as the child grows up.
It's a snapshot during a hard time that will pass.

My post was in response to VivienneMary's post.

What men do is neither here nor there, this is an article about how women feel.

And 'knuckling down' isn't what a lot of women want - Jesus, you make it sound like some kind of penance that we have to pay.

Sure, a lot of women love motherhood. Some love aspects of it but not others. The women in that article feel exactly as I do about motherhood, except that I chose not to go down that path (despite a lot of pressure) and I thank my lucky fucking stars that I didn't opt for a life of 'knuckling down' that I couldn't walk away from.

Motherhood is so often deified and the downsides are so rarely talked about. But they should be so that women can make informed decisions. It's not for everyone and that should be OK.

Most women just knuckle down and get on with it and do the best they can. Unlike it seems quite a lot of men who don't do much childcare or walk away altogether.