Concern my child is "trans"

I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say to you apart from I think it is so important that he always knows you will accept him no matter what and that he is safe with you in that sense, even if you don't agree with his decisions. If it was my own child I would seek therapy for him, but (I may be mistaken) I think for therapists it is against the law to not affirm gender identity issues. I don't understand the trans thing. The only way I can make sense of it and I know this might sound stupid but it could be that they were the other gender in a previous life. Poor boy. Wishing you all well mental health and luck in navigating this xxx

Oh and also to say there’s a fair few TRAs around who watch FWR to jump on and tell us off. They will tell you to affirm him. Please don’t listen. This is your child’s mental and physical health at stake.

Big hugs Kiddy.

My DD went through this. The worst part was that she was clearly seriously mentally ill and all the trans stuff was making it so much worse. At least one element I’m sure was the power and status it gave her, as an autistic child who often struggled socially it was a magic bullet with her peer group. She is out the other side now but it was unbelievably awful.

The therapist may not be helping but at least now (contrast to the glory days of trans) you can challenge them without bringing the wrath of social services on your head. Don’t be afraid to take him away from a captured therapist.

What I would say is just work on your relationship with him. If you can persuade him to do something physical (walks, climbing, swimming, days in the countryside) that is great but frankly anything that gets him offline and stops him obsessing. Board games, family film nights - anything. This cult thrives online and on children who are isolated. Try to offer other things for him to do. You don’t have to say a word about trans stuff.

Good luck.

I do feel for you the problem will be that if that is the situation, it will still be the situation whether you support him or not.. you not supporting him isn't going to stop him feeling that way IF that is what's going on. It just means you both may have distance between you which would be sad.

I would also be devastated however I would just have to be there for my son no matter what.

Sit him down, tell him calmly you know he wants to discuss something, stay calm, tell him he can tell you anything. By not talking about it, ignoring it, your just delaying it.

Firstly, I'm genuinely sorry to hear about your situation, and the difficulties it sounds like your son is experiencing.

If I might respectfully observe, they're probably not helped by your stance on gender if it's led to, as you say, "a number of heated arguments on the subject"; that's not to say either one of you is right or wrong, but the simple fact there have been these conflicts has probably made things worse for him, especially if he is - as you suspect - autistic. My son is autistic and I know from (sometimes bitter) experience that conflict, even if it's justifiable, can have a profoundly negative effect.

As unpleasant and difficult as it might be, I think the worst thing you can do is to argue against him. One thing I've noticed with my son, which from the research I've subsequently done is relatively common in autistic people, is demand avoidance. For us it can be mundane things, such as asking him to carry out a household task, or it can be on a more philosophical point, such as he'll excitedly tell us about some idea he's gotten from the internet. In all cases, opposition to his current thoughts or immediate desires are met with a pathological resistance; where he might formerly have cleaned that room or happily given up believing that conspiracy theory he recently read, questioning it is almost guaranteed to turn it into 'a thing'. There are no winners in that scenario.

My advice? Be gentle, kind, but consistent. Don't betray your own beliefs, certainly, but equally try not to come across as contradicting of his.

Unfortunately, the therapy might not be as helpful as you're hoping because most of them are afraid to do anything but 'affirm' any gender questioning, for fear of being labelled as conversion therapy.

I think there is a group of therapists/ association who do not automatically affirm but I don't know what they're called. Someone else here will probably.

I really feel for you. All you can do is be there and reiterate that you love him.

First. Big hug, it’s very distressing.

I wouldn’t assume he necessarily wants to go, as my son put it, ‘full woman’. Sometimes they are playing with androgyny. We went through this with my son secretly getting hormones from the online ghouls. We pulled him back from that.

He does still play around with his ‘gender identity’ although not at home. I’ll be blunt, with boys of this age it is frequently porn driven and sexual, and there is only so much we want to know/need to know about our children’s sex life. They need to be safe, and understand consent.

Sorry this is a bit hurried as busy but can add more later

I haven't been through this personally but I would find it incredibly difficult. The closest I've come was when this whole identify as you like bollocks started, my son (10 at the time) came home from school and told me he didn't like his name and wanted to change it. I told him I'm sorry you feel that way but that's your name and it won't be changed. Never mentioned it again and didn't due.

I appreciate your issue is much deeper but I would respond the same way but get him into therapy (although this could be problematic as many therapists are ideolically captured and may affirm him). Honestly though, if he went on to refer to himself as a woman later on, over my dead body would I affirm it. Sensitive and creative do not a woman make. Boys need reminding that just because they don't possess stereotypically masculine traits or look like The Hulk, they are still boys/men.

I'm sorry he feels depressed and that you're so distressed. I can only imagine how I'd feel, much the same as you do I think.
There are some people on MN who've gone through this so hopefully they'll see your post.
I hope the therapy helps him feel happier and possibly make him realise he can be happy as himself.